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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Caligurl3 Offline
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Question My Virginity - August 1st 2017, 04:59 AM

I need some advice everyone. I am 15 years old and go to college. I met a guy at college who is obviously older than me. We've known each other for 3 semesters and he has a girlfriend. A few months ago, we started joking about sex and stuff. I felt so comfortable with him. I had absolutely no romantic attraction towards him, but there is a lot of sexual tension. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but we slowly got more comfortable with each other. I felt really safe and ready to have sex. So I did. He is basically my best friend so there was emotional attachment, but our feelings weren't envolved in the actual act. It was purely sexual. Some might say he used me for sex, but that's fine because I basically used him for sex too lol. I don't regret it one bit. I hear stories about people's first times being really awkward, but it wasn't. I felt like we knew each other's bodies and I felt confident around him. We used condoms (duh.) and had a blast. We got dressed after and high fived and said, "great fuck let's do it again sometime." He bought me food from the school cafeteria and we went to our next class. Here's the problem: I'm not sure what to feel about it. I felt like the entire situation was fine, but from the eyes of someone else: am I a stupid teenager? Older folks always tell me to abstain because I'll end up getting my heart broken, but I never had feelings for him and neither did he for me. Lots say teens aren't ready for the emotional responsibility of sex. Once again, maybe I'm just naive, but I just saw it as a way to get myself off. The sex meant something, but at the same time it didn't. I just want to know if other teens think that was a bad idea or if you have any thoughts on my situation.
   
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Re: My Virginity - August 1st 2017, 06:33 AM

I feel like the concept of virginity being important or making someone more pure was invented by society to shame woman for their sexuality. I do think that some teenagers aren't mature enough to have sex but some are a tad bit more mature. I also feel like 15-16 is the average age that teens start experimenting with sex. I know there are exceptions where people wait or where they have sex earlier but when I was in high school and when I was talking to my niece it seemed like most people started experimenting in one way or another around this age.

The issue, however, is that you are 15 so it is unlikely that you are considered to be the age of consent. So if this boy is older than you it is quite likely that he could get into trouble for having sex with you.

Also, you stated that he has a girlfriend. If he still has a girlfriend you are helping him to hurt another person. It might not seem like a big deal but depending on how much his girlfriend cares about him and trusts him this could damage her quite a lot. He is responsible for his actions but you KNOW that he has a girlfriend and are choosing to partake in a sexual relationship. The thing to consider too is that this guy is very likely to drop you if his girlfriend finds out about this. There are a lot of people who end up working through cheating and the thing that ends up happening is the person that they are having the affair with ends up taking most of the blame and ends up getting dumped. You said this guy is your friend and you care about him. Even if you do not want a sexual relationship with him or do not have romantic feelings for him it is a big possibility that you will end up getting dropped if his girlfriend finds out about it.

Also, you said that you have known him for three semesters. That's about a year and a half or so? If he has been dating the girlfriend all three semesters or longer then it's likely they have a pretty serious relationship even if he isn't being faithful.

I honestly think the biggest issue is that you are in a sexual relationship with someone who is cheating. Usually these types of things do not end well.


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Re: My Virginity - August 1st 2017, 08:21 AM

You're doing fine!

Congratulations. I'm glad it was a good experience. Sounds perfectly typical and normal.

Fear is the one big thing to get over. There's nothing to be afraid of you used birth control and followed your heart and mind and I'm pleased.

Remember the birth control and you'll be fine.

You're old enough.

The rest is your choice. Enjoy!
   
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Re: My Virginity - August 1st 2017, 04:30 PM

Abibliophobe: thank you for your reply. His girlfriend is asexual and actually consented to us having sex, she just said don't get caught.
   
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Re: My Virginity - August 1st 2017, 05:34 PM

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Originally Posted by Caligurl3 View Post
Abibliophobe: thank you for your reply. His girlfriend is asexual and actually consented to us having sex, she just said don't get caught.

Ah, okay, I did not realize she had consented. That being said, if the girlfriend is aware and okay with then you aren't doing anything wrong per se. You just need to figure out what the consent laws in your country are. I personally don't condone someone having sex with an individual is not the age of consent though because it is breaking the law.


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Re: My Virginity - August 5th 2017, 03:27 PM

I totally support your decision, because what's important here is that you were ready, not pressured, and you consented. You're a teen. Even if this turns out to be a mess, it is your experience, that will help you in future
Just a couple of things you should keep in mind in this situation:
1. The "friends with benefits" type of relationships may not be for everyone, because sometimes, people catch feelings, and more often then not, only one of the couple is actually interesred in further developing something romantic. So, in case something like this happens - TALK about it immediately, until the damage has been done
2. Please, be very careful. Always use protection. Many guys hate condoms - and I see where they are coming from. If your boy refuses to use them - I do personally believe that you shouldn't have sex with him, unless you are 100% sure he's clean, and if you're on birth control. 10 minutes of sex are not worth the consequences, especially when you are this young
Good luck to you!
   
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