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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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LittleLight Offline
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Exclamation So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 5th 2017, 11:31 PM

Just as a warning I'm going to be going into a little bit of detail and if that makes you a little uncomfortable then I'd prefer you don't read it I'd like everyone to be comfortable!

Okay so... I randomly I have this.. "problem" okay so.. talking about masterbating.. I uh.. I know it isn't wrong but like I understand I'm a teenager and I have hormones and such
But I like out of nowhere get addicted to it for like a week or two
By addicted.. I mean it's pretty all I do.. for most of the day which isn't okay I can't stop or control myself and then I just stop randomly

It's uh.. oh god this is so embarrassing..
I like bondage.. like I like thing my feet up when I do.. such acts
If I do it I normally get addicted for.. a week or two and there's other kinks / fetishes that if I do while doing this I get addicted as well I just am not comfortable with sharing

But I feel like I can't control myself and I hate that I'd like to be able to do it at a more normal.. rate..? I don't know if that's the right word but I feel very uncomfortable because I'll hang out with someone and I'll be extremely turned on and I can't help it or stop it
For anyone who can help / answer it would help a lot


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Re: So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 5th 2017, 11:54 PM

Being turned on by bondage is actually a more common fetish but it's one of those fetishes that people view as taboo and so it's not talked about often. I mean, I know a lot of people who are into BDSM but it's not something they talk about openly unless they are around people that are a tad bit more accepting of that lifestyle.

Also, I am not saying you aren't addicted but I do think that it is common for people to go through phases where they masturbate a bit more. If someone meets someone who they are turned on by but unable to have sex with it makes sense that they might masturbate to compensate for being turned on and not being able to really do anything about it.

Someone else might be able to provide more insight on how to overcome the addiction.


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Re: So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 6th 2017, 12:10 AM

But it's like I'll do it for a week or two.. then stop randomly.
And yea.. theirs someone in my life like that and no we're not able to do that at the time.. but it doesn't explain why i can't control myself it's not even when I'm around them that it's like this


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Re: So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 7th 2017, 08:37 AM

There's an interesting book by Norman Doidge, M.D., titled The Brain that Changes Itself, and chapter 4 of that book is Acquiring Tastes and Loves: What Neuroplasticity Teaches Us About Sexual Attraction and Love.

He describes people who have various fetishes, and how this all makes sense from a brain point of view.

He also says, "Human beings exhibit an extraordinary degree of sexual plasticity compared with other creatures." 'Plasticity' means the brain can change over time, and what sexual things people are interested in can change over time.

(I'm not trying to change you. You're fine the way you are.)

He tells some interesting stories.

His whole book, (plus a second one he wrote in 2015), is about how the brain can change itself, or how an individual person can use their brain -- to change their brain. It requires some mental exercise. Actually it's kind of the opposite of exercise, it's practicing how to stop thinking, how to focus one's mind on the present moment and just allow oneself to "be," instead of "do". (Sorry I'm not explaining it very well. He probably explains it better in the book.)

Another thing about the brain that might be useful knowledge, is the brain has different parts. There's the old fashioned emotional mid-brain, which is rather primitive, works on emotions. It tells one what to do without explaining why. It just kind of urges one to do something. Millions of years ago this was good enough. It made us run away from scary tigers, move towards tasty food and eat it, and move towards a potential partner so we could reproduce. Primitive, emotional, good enough.

Then we developed this complex frontal cortex where rational thought occurs, This is where we are able to imagine the future, and make rational decisions about what we ought to do.

These two parts of the brain are constantly fighting each other for control. The emotional mid-brain wants what feels good. It wants masturbation and bondage. (Some brains reward the owner with reward chemicals if they engage in bondage, so some people like bondage.)

The other part of the brain, the rational, logical, part, thinks, "What the hell? Why do I like bondage? Why am I doing this? Why am I masturbating so much?" It can be very confusing.

And that's where the feeling of confusion comes from. The mid-brain just wants what feels good, whatever that may be, while the rational frontal cortex can sometimes take control and say "Let's think this through before we act," which the mid-brain hates.

It's kind of like a rider on a horse. Who's really in control? Is the rider in control? Or is the horse in control?

That's kind of like how the frontal cortex is the rider riding the mid-brain. Sometimes it can direct where the body goes, and sometimes the mid-brain takes over and the frontal cortex gets taken for a ride, wondering why it's no longer in control.

Stress will cause the mid-brain to take control. Stress can literally shut down the frontal cortex leaving the mid-brain in control. So one thing people can do to remain in better control is to remove stress from their lives, and learn how to relax, which is basically what Mindfulness Meditation is about. It's about learning to focus one's mind on the present moment, stop those thoughts, and give the brain a rest.

Doing this over time can actually strengthen certain parts of the brain, leaving one in better control, and feeling better, and more able to chose if they want to do something that feels good or not.

It also helps people accept who they are, as they are right now, rather than endlessly attempting to move towards some better person they may be in the future. (Ironically, it's this letting go, which results in the person becoming a better person in the future.)

Best wishes! Some of those Mindfulness Meditation mind exercises may help. You'll still be you, that won't change, but you may be less freaked out by who you are (which kind of means you'll be different, Kind of ironic, isn't it?).
   
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Re: So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 9th 2017, 10:29 PM

Plenty of people are into bondage as well as other kinks, there are whole communities of them available once you are 18+, so please don't feel ashamed of that.

Also, if you are uncomfortable with the amount of time you spent masturbating I would suggest figuring out some of the needs (besides sexual satisfaction) it is fulfilling and then finding some alternatives.

Some examples would be if it's for distraction:
Watching tv
Doing and art project
Exercising
Playing a game

Loneliness:
Cuddle with a stuffie/pillow
Call someone
Get on an online forum like this
Hang out with people

Self-care/Stress relief:
Take a bubble bath
Put on lotion
Eat your fav snack
Color

And so on and so forth. I hope this helps a little and if you have any further questions or would like me to elaborate on something feel free to ask!


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Re: So.. I don't know what to tittle this.. - August 12th 2017, 08:08 PM

Thanks to everyone replying it's just odd to understand and control you know? Thanks for everything I'll have to try these things
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