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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Exclamation Lots of concerns - August 21st 2017, 08:21 PM

I realize the best answer to these types of problems is to see a doctor, and I plan on visiting Planned Parenthood once I figure out exactly what I want to do with my birth control. But until then I was just hoping I could get some advice on quite a few concerns I've been having.

First, a few weeks ago I came across an article on the birth control pill where it says it can shrink your clitoris and cause it to lose sensitivity. Since so far that's proven to be the only way I can orgasm... YEAH that's just a little bit of a big deal to me.
I wasn't really able to tell from pictures or anything if there was much of a change. I don't know if maybe the size difference I think I can feel is just from not being turned on or what, as I'm often pretty uncomfortable down there. It's a lot harder to get wet when I'm by myself, and a LOT harder to orgasm. I had an even worse problem with it with my first BC pill, Aubra, but after switching to Nortrell I thought it was getting better but idk.
I want to talk to someone at Planned Parenthood about it, but I've literally only said the word "clit" out loud maybe once in my life. So I feel really uncomfortable about bringing that up with someone there. Even though I know they're trained, official doctors, I just can't help but feel more uncomfortable around them than my usual doctors. But I can't go to my regular doctor because my family no longer has insurance.

I'm highly considering just switching to the copper IUD and giving up on hormonal methods, but I'm kind of dreading the supposed period hell I've heard of after getting an IUD. If anyone has any advice with getting IUDs or your experience with them that'd be great for me to take into consideration.


Secondly, I'm really concerned with feeling numb down there. Even though my sensitivity has gone down, I can still feel everything I do to myself down there. But whenever it has come to someone else touching me, it's like it all just goes numb. The only reason I can think of this happening is because of the rape I experienced. Unfortunately, that was my first time, so I don't have any real sex to compare it to beforehand. My rapist was my friend with benefits for awhile before it happened though, we had agreed to not have penetrative sex because I didn't want to yet.
So I'm trying really hard to remember how it felt when we were just fooling around with oral and fingering and all that, but of course none of those are really good memories anymore so I've pushed them away. I do think I remember feeling things down there, on the rare occasions that he did actually touch me, as he was really selfish.
But during the rape I didn't feel anything, I was gone. So unfortunately I believe that's the cause of this.

Every guy after that was the same thing, no matter what I did or what they did, I just couldn't feel anything except for pain and pressure.
Yesterday I hung out at this beautiful lake with some guy I've been seeing. We were laying on this grass hill next to the water and there was a bike path up the hill where all the passersby could clearly see us. One thing led to another and he went down on me. At first I was comfortable with him and tried to feel it despite everything going on down there. But then I heard someone biking past and looked up and made eye contact with some old biker dude. And I felt disgusting and exposed, so I got distracted and uncomfortable.
All of a sudden all I could feel was burning on my clit and around my vaginal opening. I don't know if he cut it somewhere with his nails on accident but it hurt so bad and that was all I could feel. I don't think I was dry at all, but it felt like the pain when you are dry and try to touch it.
After he was done he said something about how many fingers he put in, and I literally could not feel them even go in. I wasn't even sure if he was fingering me or not.
I really don't think it's a problem of being loose or him not doing a good job or anything. I think it's just the numbness, and the pain, and idk what to do I just need help.

When I got home, it burned the first time I peed. But after that it's just that my clit has been burning and uncomfortable. It's a day later and it still feels like that. I'm just so lost I feel like there's so much wrong with me and idk how to fix it or who to go to for help.


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Re: Lots of concerns - August 21st 2017, 08:52 PM

If you want to go on the IUD you should look into the price. There are insurances that will not cover it and it can end up costing a lot of money. If you plan on going to planned parenthood for it they might work with you in regards to paying for it.

As for the burning, I would go to the doctor. I've been on a few different birth control pills and have never experienced burning but I have had an issue getting wet and I know that's from the Birth control because before I started it I got wet quite easily. Anyway, some of the things you are describing could also be due to the trauma you suffered. Inability to get aroused, orgasm and numbness can occur with trauma. I have a really hard time with all of those issues and one therapist as well as personal research have confirmed that this is an issue that people who've experienced sexual trauma can encounter. That being said, it might be a medical issue such as birth control. Also, if you are on antidepressants they can cause some of the same issues.

Ive never encountered anyone who had issues with orgasms and feeling things due to the birth control pill alone but you should consult the doctor to rule it out etc.

Best of luck.


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Re: Lots of concerns - August 21st 2017, 08:59 PM

yeah i've already checked at Planned Parenthood and they said i would get it for free. but i've been researching about it and there's so many horror stories i'm not really sure about it now. but i don't want to keep taking my birth control either. i just hate this because i literally have nobody to talk to about this.

can i go to Planned Parenthood just to talk to them about that? i just have a hard time feeling comfortable there because it's always such a hassle for me to go there without my parents knowing. i feel like to go there you need to need something from them, like birth control or an STD test. so are they actual doctors that i could just talk to about an issue like this?


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Re: Lots of concerns - August 24th 2017, 06:35 AM

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Originally Posted by Poison.ivy View Post
yeah i've already checked at Planned Parenthood and they said i would get it for free. but i've been researching about it and there's so many horror stories i'm not really sure about it now. but i don't want to keep taking my birth control either. i just hate this because i literally have nobody to talk to about this.

can i go to Planned Parenthood just to talk to them about that? i just have a hard time feeling comfortable there because it's always such a hassle for me to go there without my parents knowing. i feel like to go there you need to need something from them, like birth control or an STD test. so are they actual doctors that i could just talk to about an issue like this?
I am pretty sure that you could go in and talk to them about your options and the concerns you have. I know that one of the reasons I didn't want to go on the IUD was because of the horror stories I'd heard and so I was going to the gynecologist to talk to them about everything. I am pretty sure planned parenthood would be willing to talk to you about everything but if you want you could probably call them and explain that you just want to talk about birth control and the IUD.

Also, you can look up birth control on Bedsider.org. I've looked at that site a bit and it did help but I think talking to someone face to face is always best.


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Re: Lots of concerns - August 24th 2017, 10:20 AM

The people at my local Planned Parenthood love it when someone comes in with questions. Those are the easiest people to deal with. You can talk to any of their knowledgeable staff, or they'll have one of their trained counselors meet with you in a private room where you and her can talk about sex and all those questions. Usually the staff person emotes calm and acceptance and it becomes very easy to talk with her.

I've never heard of BC pills causing one's clitoris to shrink. BC pills have been around for half a century now. I think if there was any real problem with them it would be well known by now. Especially some shrinking clitoris problem!

I knew a friend with an IUD and she tolerated it well. During her period she said she could feel it "moving back and forth". Not sure what she meant by that. It's a good question to ask the counselor at PP.

Maybe if "clit" is too hard to say, you can use one of those round the bush phrases (I think "round the bush" itself might be "one of those phrases!"). Let's see, here you go; just call it "little man in the pink canoe." Or maybe "fun button".

As for feeling numb down there. That's a bit harder, but probably reversible. Nerves send signals to the brain, but it's really the brain which determines if they mean anything significant. (It's the same with pain. Our bodies are always sending signals to our brain. Touch anything it sends signals up the nerves to the brain. Brain decides if the signal is significant or not. And brains can alter themselves. It's possible as you say the rape (very sorry that happened) may have been traumatic and maybe the brain decided to tone down significance for signals coming from down there, as if to numb them, to kind of prepare you for the next rape, in case this is going to be happening a lot, and you'd rather not really feel it when it happens. It could be the brain adjusting itself. The brain can literally rewire itself, or unwire itself so it dosen't feel so much down there.

Good news is you can consciously coerce the brain to adjust itself back to the way you want it. If you want it to be more sensitive, you can take some time out every day, sit, or lie down, or stand, whatever is comfortable, and practice focusing your mind on your body. Do a body scan from top to bottom. Then focus on the area you want healed, or the area you want to be more sensitive to, and that's pretty much it. It may take 2 weeks before you notice any change, but it's possible this focusing exercise can awaken the body and help remap the body back into the brain.

You don't really have to touch yourself down there when you're doing this. It's focusing the mind part that somehow gets the brain focused on that area of your body and you can just imagine or visualize it becoming more sensitive, in a good positive way.

And over some weeks it may actually work. It'll seem like you're focusing on your body and focusing on making your body more sensitive. What's actually happening though is it's awakening the part of the brain that deals with that part of the body, and exercising it, strengthening it, bringing it back to life, and that part of the brain eventually becomes more active because it's getting used more.

At least that's the theory!

Oh the other nice side effect of doing this kind of mind focusing exercise is it can end up calming one down so one is more able to relax and enjoy life and sex. It strengthens certain parts of the mind which gives one more awareness and control over their emotions. It also helps switch off the "fight or flight" mode and switch on the "rest, digest, restore, reproduce, and socialize" mode. (Then talking about sex won't be so uncomfortable, which is another nice side effect of these mind focusing exercises.)(Oh and it may also help you relax around men, in case your mind is unconsciously tensing up whenever a man is around, considering what happened to you.)

Best wishes!
   
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