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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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Awesome. - August 24th 2017, 02:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Non-PG13 just because it's kind of TMI.

Okay I'm freaking out right now. This thread is more just to calm my nerves because I'm on the brink of panicking from this. I already made an appointment to get tested but it's in 8 days so I have plenty of time to worry and jump to conclusions about how my sex life is ruined forever.

I've only had unprotected sex with two guys in the past. After the first one, I tested negative. A day after I had sex with the second one, I had to go to Planned Parenthood for birth control anyway, and they asked if I had a new partner since the last time, so I said yes and they got me tested again.
Of course, since it was only one day after, I don't think anything really would've showed up. But I guess I forgot about that and continued having unprotected sex with him for four months.
Last month I found out that he actually had a girlfriend the entire time we were having sex. She was supposedly a virgin, and after confronting him about it he said, "I don't even miss you because I started having sex with my girlfriend like a week after you cut me off." (It wasn't even a matter of whether he missed me or not, that wasn't my point when I asked him about it.)
However, I'm still worried that I could have gotten something from him. I cut him off in April and haven't experienced any symptoms since then.

But Sunday, I had a date and he went down on me. In the middle of it all of a sudden all I could feel was this burning, stinging pain. He's really rough and I also noticed his nails weren't clipped, so I don't know if maybe he sucked too hard or cut me somewhere or what. It felt like he fucking bit it or something but I'm not sure what he did.

It burnt when I peed later that day, and the first day it hurt everywhere down there, the same burning pain. The next day the pain left my clit and felt like it was more around the urethra, so I kind of just assumed he scratched the urethra or maybe even tried to finger the wrong hole. But the pain stopped being so much of a burning sensation and turned into just itchiness and irritation.
It's finally not too painful to poke around down there, so I looked at it today and on the labia minora there are these tiny raised bumps. I started sobbing, immediately thinking herpes. But after researching, comparing images, and canceling that out I remembered that genital warts are a thing.
The pictures of those match a lot more closely to what I have, but still not exactly. Enough to make me concerned enough to make an appointment, especially since I found out it's those bumps that are what's causing the pain.

I'm just trying to drive myself crazy and diagnose myself before the doctors can, just so I can relax. I want to know how likely it is that it's HPV.
The rational side of me keeps thinking how there was no pain at all until this new guy went down on me, thus maybe the bumps are just my skin's reaction to irritation down there. Right?
But there's just this annoying reminder in my head that my mom never let me get the HPV vaccine, because "I was a good Christian girl who was waiting until marriage for sex." And I keep remembering all those commercials of how kids got cancer from HPV because their parents wouldn't let them get vaccinated.

I fucking hate myself for this happening. If I do have warts, or some other STD, then I'll have to tell the new guy and make sure he gets tested too. And of course I actually really like this one, and of course he doesn't only want me for sex. Fucking of course.
I feel like "god" or fate or whatever is just fucking with me at this point. Like lets put this bitch through several abusive relationships with cheating, lying assholes who only want her for sex, then have her scare off the one good guy in the world with an STD.

i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you
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Re: Awesome. - August 24th 2017, 02:59 AM

Hey there,
I'm not a doctor, so I cannot diagnose whether or not you have HPV. Perhaps going to planned parenthood again and getting tested is your best option. They can run their tests and let you know if its anything to worry about.
It could, like you said, very well be your skins reaction. Best thing, in my opinion, is to just try and stay calm. Perhaps do something to keep yourself busy, like read a book, or listen to some music.
Secondly, I'm sorry you have gone through such abusive relationships. Its not fair, and I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. All I guess I can say is just give it time and you'll meet the right guy for you.
Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk


PM me if you ever wanna talk. Send a message my way.
And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

May The Force be With You.
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del677 Offline
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Re: Awesome. - August 24th 2017, 09:45 AM

Thank you for writing. I hope writing helped. Sorry this happened, though it all seems ordinary, or at least common.

It seems every woman I know has been though "several abusive relationships with cheating, lying assholes who only want her for sex." The women seem to reach a point where they don't trust men anymore, any man, and they just swear off men forever. Which seems really sad to me that so many women go though this. It does make me wonder what God is up to.

"Catastrophizing" is a common human reaction. Becoming aware that one is catastrophizing can help though.

We tend to think the worst. (Maybe that was helpful during evolution. Maybe the people who didn't, and figured "Oh that rustle in the bushes, it's probably not a tiger," maybe they didn't live as long.)

But it's probably not a tiger.

You're probably OK, and will have a wonderful sex life and live a long time.

I'm sure you'll feel better once the doctor reassures you everything's OK.

I knew a couple who panicked because they both had red skin down there and were hurting a lot. The doctor said they just needed to buy a new razor. It was razor burn. Stop using an old dull razor.

Yea those commercials really try to scare people into buying their product don't they! "If you don't buy our product horrible things will happen to you!"

Probably not though. Unlikely.

Sorry that guy said, "
I don't even miss you." That's kind of rude! But then he went on and said, "because I started having sex with my girlfriend like a week after you cut me off," which kind of makes it sound like sex is all he cares about, so he's really one of those fish you want to throw back anyway.

Sounds like you're actually doing all the right things. You're having sex which is normal, hopefully enjoying some of it, and getting yourself tested, which is responsible, and seeing a doctor, and concerned about a burning pain, which could be something trivial like a UTI which is very common and you just treat it and flush it out, or a yeast infection. I don't know, can't diagnose you, bumps on labia are normal. (Actually the STIs to be concerned about are the ones which don't cause any pain. They're the ones you need to get tested for!)

The body does take care of itself and heal itself.

And you went on another date. Good for you! He may have inadvertantly scratched you with his fingernail. Something simple like that can hurt, but body heals itself.

Best wishes and I'm glad you're active and normal and dating and I hope someday you find a good match, and until then I hope you enjoy the people who aren't perfect matches but are still good enough for a date. Blessings!
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