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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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When is it normal? - September 16th 2017, 04:16 PM

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When is it normal for kids to start experimenting with sex.

I have heard some professionals say that a certain level of exploration is quite normal, even in kids as young as four or five. I know that I did the whole "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing back when I was 6? It wasn't coerced by any of us and the other person involved was my age as well. I have heard parents etc talk about how they have walked in on their kids, innocently, playing doctor etc. I also know that at around 12 or so I started getting curious about sex. I did look for naked pictures and all that and I had some inappropriate conversations with people online.

However, there are people who don't believe that children should explore sex at all. I was having a conversation with someone and they said that if some has sex or explores sex at 12 that they lack self respect and morals and must have experienced something traumatic. And, while I agree that some people who have sex at a young age might not have a lot of confidence or respect for themselves I don't think it is true for every singe person. I also feel that there are adults who have sex and lack confidence and all that so a person can't make a blanket statement.

IDK what I am asking but is a certain amount of sexual exploration normal for kids or is that exploration solely due to the fact that they experienced trauma etc?

I mean, I feel like a certain level and as long as it is consensual ... is normal .... but maybe my views have been tainted by my abuse.

I have done research and it seems to indicate that there are certain things that are normal ... but the articles I am finding really only discuss younger ages and not when a child hits 11-12.

I don't want to get into an argument about if a 12 year old having sex is 'normal' etc. I mainly just want to know if it is common for 12 year olds (at least some) to start getting curious about sex.

Also, I put this here because I feel it will get more responses but if it needs to be moved that is fine.

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Re: When is it normal? - September 16th 2017, 05:34 PM

I am an asexual, so I never really got curious. But my friends got curious at about 11-12, so I think thats normal. I don't think its normal for a child to HAVE sex at 12, but being curious is definitely normal.
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Re: When is it normal? - September 16th 2017, 07:00 PM

I think it's normal.

I find the people who are messed up are the ones who were raised to believe sex should not be talked about or explored or acknowledged. They end up feeling their normal desires are bad, and they are bad.

It's the "Volcanic" view of human nature, where peoples desires are bad and need to be contained, like putting a lid on a volcano, and people are judged by how well they can succeed at repressing their natural desires.

I also read people raised to be open and accepting of sex and sex is OK, actually postpone sex more than the other group.

Sounds counterintuitive. One would think the group who's taught sex is OK would be more promiscuous, but apparently the data indicates it's the reverse.

Kids are also entering puberty at an earlier age nowadays. Possibly the result of people being so healthy nowadays, though that's speculation.

So older generation grandparents were raised differently, at a different time, and perhaps this idea that people should be older when they enter puberty is from an earlier era.

Also birth control is relatively new, perhaps the idea that people shouldn't do these things dates to pre-birth control era. (Though I don't know the history of birth control. I heard last week that some country during WWI legalized condoms, pharmacies could carry them, but they were required to keep them locked in a safe in the back.)

I'm personally more for being open and people are organic, they grow and prosper when nurtured. In the Volcanic view it's actually immoral to nurture people, because they need to suffer the consequences of failing to keep a lid on their desires. Leads to a lot of messed up people!
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Smile Re: When is it normal? - September 19th 2017, 01:24 AM

I started getting curious around 12 or 13 and all my friends got curious at 10 or 11 so I was considered late. Everyone starts puberty at a different time, and some of the hormones released during puberty contribute to the sudden sexual thoughts and stuff. Since everyone goes through puberty at different times and rates, everyone will experience these thoughts at different paces. There is no normal age to start thinking about this, and as long as you're not acting on your sexual desire at that age, you're fine.

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Re: When is it normal? - September 19th 2017, 11:23 PM

Exploration is normal. I think we should do better about teaching kids about consent and that they have a right to their body from a young age. For a PG example, if they don't want to hug grandma, they shouldn't be forced. But to continue on that point, if we teach that all things genitals, whether it be a child touching themselves and their parents scolding them or parents getting upset over finding out about a consensual "show me yours" game, then we 1) take away a child's autonomy about their body and 2) shame them for natural curiosities. I think that some children may use opportunities like that to harm others and force other children to show or touch when they do not want to, but it's the minority. For most kids, there is natural curiosity, and I don't think it should be shamed or necessarily discouraged, but it's important for parents to talk about it and what's good touch/bad touch.

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