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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Need Help Fingering Myself - March 10th 2018, 03:22 AM

Hi! Iím 15, and for mild backstory, iím a very anxious, fearful girl. However, thatís not to say iím not lustful. Iíve developed online sexual relations with a guy (that I really like) who is under the impression/assumption that I often finger myself. Thatís not crucial information but if he didnít think that iíd be asking him for advice on this! Anyway, iíve been really scared to finger myself, but I feel that iím ready and REALLY want to. Not for him, but for me. I finally mustered up the courage to do it. (btw iím a virgin, iíve only touched my outerself.) I cleaned and trimmed my nails, listened to/watched stuff that aroused me, looked back on our chats, did a LOT of research and looked at tips, really prepared myself to do it when I was finally alone. I laid on my bed for what mustíve been an hour only to not be able to do it. I donít know if I physically couldnít penetrate myself further than a tiny tiny bit or if I was psychologically too scared. I even tried my pinkie finger a lot just in case the other fingers were too big. I also had trouble getting wet even though I pretty much felt aroused. Iím really embarrassed about it. Can anyone help me figure out how to penetrate myself more sufficiently so I can finally know what this feels like? Sorry if this is hard to help, I just donít know what to do.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Need Help Fingering Myself - March 10th 2018, 04:45 AM

Hey,

I've seen two gynecologists for issues unrelated to this and when I brought it up, the first one actually checked for extra banding on the hymen to see if that was causing the issue. It wasn't for me and I am not sure how common this is, however, but it's something that can be looked into.

My current gynecologist suggested experimenting with my own fingers. I can see that you are doing that already, and what I want to add to that is to not rush things. What I mean by that is, if you can't get the whole finger in for a while, that's okay. Don't force it. You can kind of "practice" by starting slowly, even if it's just a fingertip, and go from there.

You can also get a water-based lubricant and lubricate your finger with it, especially since you mentioned having a problem with getting wet. Don't use something like vaseline or baby oil. From what I heard, products like these make it more likely to get an infection. An example of a water-based lubricant is KY Jelly.

Perhaps you can also try different positions to see if that makes you more comfortable?

If not, you can always ask your doctor when you go for a physical. I know you're fifteen, so if you want you can reaffirm that they will keep it confidential, but I am pretty sure they would. Masturbation is very normal, so it is okay for you to ask questions about it. I know it's scary, but they are medical professionals and they've probably heard it all! They can definitely give suggestions.

I'm sorry that the suggestions aren't great, but I hope they help some!

-Dez


   
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Re: Need Help Fingering Myself - March 10th 2018, 07:06 AM

Dez gave some amazing advice.

There are plenty of reasons why people struggle to get wet. I know when I started birth control I stopped getting all that wet even if I was aroused. I think that is something that can happen with birth control. If you are struggling to get wet lube can be amazing. I know people tend to think lube is for 'old' people but it's actually really good to use lube and it can actually end up making sexual acts a bit more pleasurable.

It might be worth getting checked by your doctor. Some people do have a harder time with fingering and the like and a doctor could help you figure out if there is a cause. If there isn't a medical cause such as the one Dez mentioned the doctor might be able to suggest tips. A gynecologist would definitely be the best place to go but the first person I talked to about sex and got some helpful advice about my issue was my general practitioner. She was female, exceptionally kind and they were able to get me in quicker than the gynecologist. She actually had some great suggestions for my issue and it wasn't as awkward talking to her about it as I thought.

Doctors encounter so many different things and sexuality and masturbation are natural and healthy that they don't mind discussing it with their patients.

Best regards.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Need Help Fingering Myself - March 11th 2018, 12:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onism. View Post
Hey,

I've seen two gynecologists for issues unrelated to this and when I brought it up, the first one actually checked for extra banding on the hymen to see if that was causing the issue. It wasn't for me and I am not sure how common this is, however, but it's something that can be looked into.

My current gynecologist suggested experimenting with my own fingers. I can see that you are doing that already, and what I want to add to that is to not rush things. What I mean by that is, if you can't get the whole finger in for a while, that's okay. Don't force it. You can kind of "practice" by starting slowly, even if it's just a fingertip, and go from there.

You can also get a water-based lubricant and lubricate your finger with it, especially since you mentioned having a problem with getting wet. Don't use something like vaseline or baby oil. From what I heard, products like these make it more likely to get an infection. An example of a water-based lubricant is KY Jelly.

Perhaps you can also try different positions to see if that makes you more comfortable?

If not, you can always ask your doctor when you go for a physical. I know you're fifteen, so if you want you can reaffirm that they will keep it confidential, but I am pretty sure they would. Masturbation is very normal, so it is okay for you to ask questions about it. I know it's scary, but they are medical professionals and they've probably heard it all! They can definitely give suggestions.

I'm sorry that the suggestions aren't great, but I hope they help some!

-Dez
Thank you so much for your advice and sharing of experience, I really appreciate it! I will take all of that into consideration next time I try.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
valhalla i am coming
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Re: Need Help Fingering Myself - March 11th 2018, 12:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Abibliophobe~ View Post
Dez gave some amazing advice.

There are plenty of reasons why people struggle to get wet. I know when I started birth control I stopped getting all that wet even if I was aroused. I think that is something that can happen with birth control. If you are struggling to get wet lube can be amazing. I know people tend to think lube is for 'old' people but it's actually really good to use lube and it can actually end up making sexual acts a bit more pleasurable.

It might be worth getting checked by your doctor. Some people do have a harder time with fingering and the like and a doctor could help you figure out if there is a cause. If there isn't a medical cause such as the one Dez mentioned the doctor might be able to suggest tips. A gynecologist would definitely be the best place to go but the first person I talked to about sex and got some helpful advice about my issue was my general practitioner. She was female, exceptionally kind and they were able to get me in quicker than the gynecologist. She actually had some great suggestions for my issue and it wasn't as awkward talking to her about it as I thought.

Doctors encounter so many different things and sexuality and masturbation are natural and healthy that they don't mind discussing it with their patients.

Best regards.
Thank you so much for your advice and sharing of experience, I really appreciate it! I think I might have to do a little bit more research on exactly where my fingers are going and what could be stopping me. Thanks a bunch <3
   
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