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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Feel dirty - March 28th 2019, 06:40 AM

I have a lot of sexual fantasies. Iím talking everyday. No matter where Iím at I will have one. I often will talk to myself while having one. Iíll also make moaning noises. I always whisper so nobody will hear me and think thereís something wrong with me. I have them so much that I end up watching pornography and touching myself. I donít want to but I canít help it. Sometimes I think I touch myself because I was sexually abused as a child. I donít know. I know this post is weird and all over but I need help to stop.
   
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Re: Feel dirty - March 28th 2019, 05:41 PM

All people have sexual fantasies, that's normal. You don't have to worry so much. With age, you will have even more fantasies that you will try to translate into reality.
   
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Re: Feel dirty - March 30th 2019, 09:51 PM

Having sexual fantasies, watching porn, and masturbating are all perfectly healthy expressions of a healthy sex life. While not everyone experiences intense fantasies and not everyone watches porn, just as many do, trust me, I am pretty open with about my sex life and have been able to have many conversations with my friends about sex and most of them have fantasies, watch porn, and masturbate. It's honestly just so normal and totally fine.

That said, I am sorry that you are feeling conflicted about it and find it interfering with your daily life. I feel like if you can work through accepting that sexual thoughts and fantasies, masturbation, and porn are normal and ok, it might be easier to relegate that to appropriate times so that it doesn't overwhelm your thoughts so much when you're just walking around town.

Also, I am sorry that you were sexually abused as a child. That's awful and I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you even have to identify something like that as the reason that you're struggling to accept and manage your sexuality now. Is there anyone you can talk to about this with, like a therapist, who can help you work through the trauma that you experienced?
   
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Re: Feel dirty - March 31st 2019, 06:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Having sexual fantasies, watching porn, and masturbating are all perfectly healthy expressions of a healthy sex life. While not everyone experiences intense fantasies and not everyone watches porn, just as many do, trust me, I am pretty open with about my sex life and have been able to have many conversations with my friends about sex and most of them have fantasies, watch porn, and masturbate. It's honestly just so normal and totally fine.

That said, I am sorry that you are feeling conflicted about it and find it interfering with your daily life. I feel like if you can work through accepting that sexual thoughts and fantasies, masturbation, and porn are normal and ok, it might be easier to relegate that to appropriate times so that it doesn't overwhelm your thoughts so much when you're just walking around town.

Also, I am sorry that you were sexually abused as a child. That's awful and I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you even have to identify something like that as the reason that you're struggling to accept and manage your sexuality now. Is there anyone you can talk to about this with, like a therapist, who can help you work through the trauma that you experienced?
I was going to counseling but not anymore. I was having insurance problems. I honestly donít want to keep going. I never listen to their advice anyway. I was there since 2013 for being stupid.
   
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Re: Feel dirty - March 31st 2019, 08:50 PM

Hey there,


Sexual abuse can have an impact on the guilt one feels upon doing sexual things. I was sexually abused as a child and more often than not I feel extreme guilt for anything sexual I might do. I feel a lot of negative things about myself and I know the abuse is the main reason I feel this way.


The previous poster is correct, there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating. I, personally, think that masturbation is healthy. I don't know that everyone will agree with that but I think that as long as you aren't masturbating to the point where it interferes with your daily activities there's nothing wrong. The thing that's difficult is getting to a place where you can accept the masturbation and stop feeling guilty. Is there anything you've been able to do that helps with the guilt you might feel? I know, for me, that reminding myself that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sexual activities has helped.


I am sorry you are struggling with insurance issues and are unable to get to therapy. I think therapy can help quite a lot with these types of things. You mention that you never listened to what they said but I believe it can take time to get comfortable enough to listen to therapists. I know that it took ages for me to get comfortable enough in therapy to take some of their suggestions to heart. If you are able to go back to therapy maybe you could discuss your difficulties with taking their advice. If the therapist is aware that you struggle with taking their suggestions into consideration they might be able to work with you on figuring out what you need to start getting to a place where you can take their advice. The other thing to consider is what blocks you from taking their advice. I know that once I was able to figure out why I struggled with taking some of their advice I was able to be proactive with my therapists and work to find suggestions I would be comfortable with taking.


I hope this helped in some way.


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