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TH Anonymous Offline
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is this OK? - April 7th 2019, 04:34 AM

[SIZE="a"]Is it OK to masturbate to a friend i'm attracted to? I care a lot about her and I feel guilty for having objectified her in such a way, but i honestly think she's beautiful and it feels very comfortable to be with her, i just can't quell this shame and embarrassment i have on the topic, do i tell her? do I stop?[/size]
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Latte Offline
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Re: is this OK? - April 7th 2019, 07:13 PM

Are you masturbating while she is present? Or are you just imagining her when you are masturbating in private?

Overall, no, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Most of us have fantasies when we masturbate. Not going to lie, I 100% imagine my fiancé when I masturbate and I have imagined other guys I am attracted to. The personal anecdote is that I don't tell my fiancé what I think about when I masturbate and I'm really not going to tell him if I was fantasizing about another guy or girl (I'm bisexual) because I would never cheat on him and I don't think sharing that with him is going to help anyone. At first I would feel guilty if I thought about another guy or girl (or nonbinary person actually), but after a while I was like, you know what, I'm not going to step out on our relationship and telling him what my imagination does only serves to alleviate my guilt and risk making him think he should be jealous and/or paranoid.

Now of course, your situation is different, but I think the principle is the same; you don't need to tell her because there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone and fantasizing about them when your masturbating. Yes, you could consider it to be objectification but I think it matters here that you respect your friend enough to care that it might objectification and I think that that's what matters. To me, true objectification is where respect is removed and that doesn't seem to be happening. I also don't think that telling her is going to help you at all because you just risk making her uncomfortable. If you feel bad about it any how, I would honestly just recommend watching porn, which I really hope is something I'm allowed to say here. I suggest this because if you replace it with a visual that you then you might as well.

If you are masturbating in front of your friend, my only thing is to make sure that she is a comfortable and fully consenting participant; if you two are comfortable masturbating in front of each other or if she is comfortable letting your masturbate in front of her, then that's ok. It's not something people are super open about but I definitely know of several people who like to masturbate together.

Overall, I think you're ok to carry on.
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