orgasms

[flowerchild32273]

ok so i love my bf very much and i love making love with him. It's amazing. The only problem I have is that I don't actually have orgasms from sex...at least not yet...we're in a long distance relationship and we don't see each other much so we haven't had alot of opportunities to have sex. When we did and I didnt orgasm he got really upset...he felt like he failed...and that made me feel bad and probably made it harder to orgasm because its alot of pressure knowing he'll be upset if i dont. sooo...i kind of lied and just told him i did...it does feel amazing and i do get ALMOST there so he believed me and he was really happy and it helps me relax more to just tell him i have orgasms. is it wrong of me to lie to him? we're usually really open about everything. i just think that it will be easier for me to really have orgasms if im not so focussed on it and worried about it. what do you guys think?

[TheLittleNinja]

I think you should be honest with him, it's not his fault, and it's not your fault either. It's always harder for women to have orgasms during sex, especially younger women because the vaginal wall is thicker - making it harder to stimulate.

But I think your right, if you just relax and don't worry about it you are probably more likely to orgasm. Could you try a different postition? Or try a position where he can stimulate your clit with his hands at the same time?? Just an idea - but definitly keep the relationship open and honest

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I think that people should be honest about everything in relationships. I wouldn't lie to my boyfriend about orgasming or not doing so. But that's because I've explained to my boyfriend that sometimes I just can't, that it's harder for women because we have to be in a very specific mindset or it just won't happen. So whilst he might get a little bit sad when I don't, he understands that it isn't his fault and that I still enjoyed myself.

So you should just explain the situation to your boyfriend. Tell him that the majority of women don't actually orgasm just from intercourse and that you need different stimulation. Honestly, your boyfriend shouldn't be getting so upset that you feel the need to lie to him. It's not fair on you at all.

[Alicia.C]

Increase your amount of foreplay. Im not sure if he would be up for it, but you could also get a small vibrator. Most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation. You could also try having him stimulate your clit during sex.

[flowerchild32273]

he's really sweet...he just gets really upset when i dont. He thinks hes failed...i just cant handle that. i want to be honest with him but he's really sensitive. i think if i just wait and try to relax ill be able to orgasm during sex. we do try different positions and he touches my clit when he can. we do alot of foreplay and i usually orgasm from that once or twice. im sure itll happen eventually. i just cant tell him =/ i think he'd cry

[ShimmeringFaerie]

No, it's not fair on you to have to lie about this. Would he be more upset about you telling him the truth or if he finds out that you've been lying to him? And also, if he thinks he is doing the right thing and he is actually not, it will be ingrained in his mind that that's what he has to do to make you climax (when really it isn't). So how long is that going to go on for before you eventually have to tell him the truth or will you just spend your entire life lying to him? I know that it can be heart-breaking to see the man you love being so upset, but you really need to tell him the truth from this point on. I wouldn't tell him about you faking it before, but from now on, don't lie to him.

[flowerchild32273]

well hes not doing anything wrong. it does feel really good and i almost get there. i think its more that i just need to relax but ok ill try to be honest with him from now on

[natcat]

Yes, be honest with him about it. Trust me, it will come back to haunt you someday if he finds out that you're lying to him. Communication is really very important in a sexual relationship, let alone a relationship of any kind.

Some people just don't orgasm as often or as easily as some others. As other people have said, try switching positions, increasing clitorial stimulation ( I personally, orgasm far easier from clitorial stimulation) and perhaps more foreplay? Good luck (:

[TheNumber42]

Definitely don't lie anymore. I would be really upset if my girlfriend lied to me about having an orgasm when she didn't.

The best thing to do would be to do your best to communicate how you feel and what you need him to do for you. Explore different positions and tevhniques until you find one that works. Do your best to just relax, focus on the feeling and have fun. If you don't end up getting off, it's okay. Just keep trying whenever you can and eventually you'll get it.

The most important things to remember, though, are to be completely open and honest, and to relax and just enjoy it whether you orgasm or not. Also tell your boyfriend that he is putting pressure in you and it's making it even harder. He needs to relax too. Sex is supposed to be fun, not a chore. Don't turn it into one.

Good luck. Hope you get things all figured out =]

[Katara]

If saying you did helps you to relax, this is a good thing, the more relaxed you are the more likely it is to happen, don't worry about it as long as you enjoy it, and he knows this, that's all that matters right