She Found Out....

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

Wee bit of background: I'm 22, boyfriends 25. We been going out just over 2 yrs. We currently live 2 hrs apart due to work commitments, both still live with our parents, and only see each other at weekends due to the travel thing.

So, my boyfriends deeply religious mother, who doesnt believe in sex before marriage, found out we were having sex. He had some marks on the tops of his legs, wanted to get them checked out, his mum had a look first and asked him the question.

She's hit the roof, despite our ages and the fact that I'm on the Pill and we're using condoms. Has him lectured about getting me pregnant etc.

Its not the fact that she knows that is annoying me (cos she woulda found out anyway). Its the fact that I know she's gonna be suspicious over us now, if we're going away for a weekend (sometimes we go to his house down the other end of country) and she's likely to come with us. Which means no time for us... I also dont wanna be tarred with a brush, I dont wanna get a name from her...I do get on well with his family up to now, just this may drive me crazy!!

Cheers for reading, if you have any advice/comments anything, they'd be much appreciated.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Hmm, difficult. I'm sure she'll be angry for a while but hopefully she will get over it? She may be just as upset as being 'deceived' (ie, not being told) as it actually happening. Perhaps you could get your boyfriend to have a chat with her about why he didn't tell her straight off, how you love each other and why you think it's okay to be having sex.

I hope your relationship doesn't change and she still lets you have some space.

[TheLittleNinja]

Yea, I agree with the above post. I think your boyfriends mother needs to understand that while your relationship may offend her, it is a good, strong, loving relationship. Just because she has strong religious views - she can't make her son have them too, and she needs to understand that he's an adult and is capable of making his own choices.

How does your boyfriend feel about this? Is he worried or annoyed that his mum knows? I think the fact you have been together for two years is enough proof that your not just having sex for the fun of it - She'll come round to the idea eventually

[Keep Calm and Eat Cake]

this isn't advice but i think it's ridiculous for her to have a say in whether you are both sexually active or not; like you said you are 22 and 25; i'd say thats old enough to make your own decisions!

[Lizzie]

The fact that he is living with his mother means that he is going to have to listen to her rules about the house or he is going to have to move out. He can’t really have a say in the situation while he is still living with her, that’s not fair to his mom. Particularly since he knew she wouldn’t be happy about this and he did it anyways. He can try talking to her about it, but if it doesn’t go well there isn’t much else he can do. He can move out and than decide what he does or does not want to do. Honestly, he makes the decision to live with her and her rules. When he makes the decision to move out and live on his own, than you don’t have to worry about this anymore.

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

We've never actually had sex in her house, or in my parents house. We just know its not the done thing, we respect that. Its always been while on holiday or staying in a hotel or whatnot (just felt the need to clarify that).

He was worried about it, but now that its out in the open, I think he feels better for it. I think he's just worried, like me, about it changing things and her now feeling the need to come everywhere with us.

She has nine children (well when i say children, they all grown up) he's the youngest and I know she's protective of him. Her own marriage also broke down, I dont know if that is a contributing factor or not?

[flowerchild32273]

well she just needs to get over it. you are both adults and can make your own decisions. if she insists on going with you to the house then get a hotel room. at your age you have a right to privacy. also be sure to explain to her that you have a serious relationship and are being very safe with sex and using 2 different contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. even if he did somehow get you pregnant you are both adults in a stable relationship and could manage the situation without her interference. your choices really arent her concern and she cant force her religious beliefs on you. sorry if im ranting i just think its rediculous that shes being so pushy about this at your age. you're not a couple of dumb teenagers. you're a lot safer than my bf and i are. we just use hormonal birth control and no condoms and one time i visited we didnt use anything (thank god i didnt get pregnant. we were scared)

[Nicolette]

You're both adults and you're both 100% capable of making adult decisions, you're being safe about it, what else could a parent ask for? It sounds like she's merely being overbearing at this point. She most likely thinks she's protecting her baby when all she's doing is sheltering a grown man, maybe you need to tell your boyfriend to step up to the plate and have a heart to heart with his mother about what it means to be an adult and have her cut the cord already.

[wonderbread]

If you two wish to have sex then that is 100% up to you. You two are being responsible and not stupid and you are adults. Yes I understand she is religious and that is fine but she does not have the right to bicker you over and over or watch you every second BECAUSE YOU ARE ADULTS. I could understand if you two were still in high school and you get my point. Yes she can let you two know she doesn't like your choices but once that is done, let that be done. And because you two are adults and if you want to have alone time and get away then you are allowed that and you and your boyfriend can respectfully tell her to stay home and out of your very personal life.

My mother is like your boyfriends mothers. I am 17 days from graduating high school. I am 18 and he is 20, we are by law adults. My mother is not stupid. She knows we have sex. We are careful. She tells us occasionally (which is fine) how she doesn't like our choices. ( In fact, his parents are like your boyfriends mother as well.) But my mother ends it there.

You and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a firm conversation with his mother and let her know that you know all this about her but she can not stop you from living your life. That you are being respectful enough not to do it blatently in presence and that you are being smart about it. And let her know if you two want to get away by yourselves you are entitled to that.