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Phin Offline
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Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 03:30 AM

So I met someone and we have been hooking up. I really want to have sex, I am not a virgin-- this person is.

Is it a bad idea to take someone's virginity via hook-up?
Will there potentially be consequences?
Will this end up being an 'emotional experience' for them, even if it's really not?
What if I was already verbally pledged their virginity, even though we were both a bit tipsy?

I want this badly. But I'm not sure if it's a great idea. I am almost certain there is no potential for any sort of relationship, obviously... but...


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 04:16 AM

hmm.. well when its in a 'hook up' situation, it isnt the best idea... i had a mate (guy) who took a girls virginity, she swore she wanted to do it, was fine with it all etc. then a week later she threatened to tell the police he raped her. b*tch... i feel sorry for the guy. but anyway, my point is just be careful when deciding if you really want it that badly, coz no matter how many times she says shes cool with it, she more then likely isnt...

good luck though mate
   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 04:27 AM

...That's horrifying...! So what if there was potential for a relationship? Then would it be okay? Or I guess what I'm really trying to sort is how does this effect a virgin... I mean, if you were a virgin in this situation, how would it feel? Is it really that different from a regular casual shag?


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 04:30 AM

Hey there,

Truthfully I wouldn't do it. I mean, she may say that she is fine with it but a lot of girls view their virginity as 'special'. If she gives it away, 'freely', she might end up regretting it which could lead to her getting angry and blaming you even though it would not be your fault.

I mean if you really want to do it I would talk to her about her views on virginity. Does she see it as something special etc. She might not care which might make the situation different.

I guess I am just saying be careful.

Best of luck,

Jenna


   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 04:32 AM

I don't think it's something 'special,' persay, at aged 21... just that they have 'given up trying' or that's what I gather, anyways. Not sure what that means, though, in context to losing one's virginity, or having a relationship to do it or wot...


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 05:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phin View Post
...That's horrifying...! So what if there was potential for a relationship? Then would it be okay? Or I guess what I'm really trying to sort is how does this effect a virgin... I mean, if you were a virgin in this situation, how would it feel? Is it really that different from a regular casual shag?
well, in one sense, if you do do this you might be LOSING any chance of a potential relationship... there's alot to consider.

well i am a virgin, and honestly, i think no matter how nice the guy was etc, if it wasn't in a relationship, i would probably regret it. i mean if i ended up in a relationship with the guy, maybe i wouldn't regret it AS much, but if i got into a long term relationship with a different guy i would look back and regret it and probably wonder what made me do such a thing... so i think it would be different to ' regular casual shag'
and for a girl (well the majority) losing your virginity is a big deal- you will always, always remember the guy who took it from you.
so yeah, think about it...

sorry for being so negative, but i have seen this kinda story from a guys and girls perspective. 4 of my girl mates lost their virginity in the exact same situation, and every single one of them regret it. so yeah..

but its your choice :]


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 11:19 AM

I personally wouldn't do it because I really don't think sex should be hook ups, one night stands, etc. It's personal and should be with couples who truly care about eachother.

If there's a possibility of a relationship between you two, then why not just wait? It'll feel more special if you're together and not just having a fling. Not only that, but i think it'll be better for her first time to do it with someone she likes and cares about. I mean, I felt guilty for awhile after my first time and I was dating the guy!
   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 11:39 AM

I think it's ok, as long as the other person is comfortable with it, ready to do it and aware that there isn't potential for a relatiosnhip.


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 11:57 AM

This happened to a friend of mine, she lost her virginity to a casual shag, and she did regret it, but has always thought of it as a "well i wanted to do it at the time",

so as long as shes sure she wants to lose her virginity, even though it may not go anywhere, go for it (:


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 12:52 PM

I personally wouldn't do it because I know that when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend it defiantly increased our intimacy and feelings for each other, and I've heard it does the same for a lot of other girls, so after losing her virginity, even through she might not want to, she could get more attached than just a casual hook-up. However I had a friend who lost her virginity that way and she was totally fine with it. I think it just depends on the personalities involved and what the expectations for after are, so just talk it out and make sure you're on the same page.
   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 03:04 PM

Life is full of regrets. If you use the proper protection to prevent pregnancy, then there's really no harm and no fowl. If the woman wants to have sex, the woman wants to have sex. It's not in your job description to think whether she'd regret it or not. If she regrets having sex with you, then that's completely her problem and has nothing to do with you. Assuming that she's old enough to make her own decisions, don't let your decision be affected by personal matters. If you want to have sex and she wants to have sex, then that's all you need to have consensual sex. Virginity shouldn't even be a factor. If she didn't want to have sex with you, then she wouldn't say. Simple as that.

With THAT being said, I'll respond to your questions now

Quote:
Is it a bad idea to take someone's virginity via hook-up?
Not for you, unless you wind up getting pregnant. If she doesn't get pregnant or STDs aren't exchanged, then the only way that taking someone's virginity is a bad thing is on the woman's part. It's not uncommon to regret losing virginity in the long run...but as I've said, life is full of regrets. Sometimes we don't marry princes and live happily ever after. And her problems are not your problems.

Quote:
Will there potentially be consequences?
Everything we do has potential consequences -- driving a car, drinking soda, masturbating. The worst that could happen is that she'd go psycho and pull out the "he raped me" thing in court...and there wouldn't be much you could do about it. But unless you have a child, there's really not much potential consequences. Assuming that the woman isn't a secret psycho, then you're safe. As long as you use proper protection and it's consensual sex...then I'd like to think that there would be more reward than consequence.

Quote:
Will this end up being an 'emotional experience' for them, even if it's really not?


Possibly. It's not uncommon for a virgin to become latched onto you. Just establish that you don't have much emotional attachment and that this is purely for sexual pleasure...if that's your intention. Let her know your intentions because if she has sex with you and she starts feeling butterflies in her stomach because of you...then you've got yourself a woman that you don't love and yet she loves you. Not a very good situation to be in for the both of you.

Ultimately, if it's consensual sex and you really want to have sex with this woman, then why the hell not? Don't let "potential" consequences keep you from doing something that you love to do. If that were the case for everyone, we'd be fucked! No cars, no computers, no nothing! Just be responsible and you're good to go.





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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 05:17 PM

I've got two people's virginity, but I'd like to think they don't regret it ... both were long term relationships. I wouldn't take anyones virginity if it wasn't part of a serious relationship.




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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 06:40 PM

i think she'd probably end up regretting it...i did. kinda thought i wanted it at the time but really i should have waited for the right person


   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 3rd 2010, 07:53 PM

It really depends on the person, if this person has morals and wants to wait for the right person then you're best not to hook up and try and take their virginity. If someone is a virgin and wants to wait, then respect their wishes to wait.
If they're eager to lose it and don't really care, I doubt they would deal with consequences such as feeling an emotional vibe from it.
   
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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 4th 2010, 01:36 AM

Alright, well thanks for the inputs, everyone. :/ I REALLY want to, but I suppose I won't even have the chance for another month or so... The only reason I wouldn't be interested in a relationship is distance issues; we live nowhere near each other and just met while I was travelling. We hooked up a few times while I was there, and will (I assume) when I go back... Other than that, there would be potential. But since there's not... well I really want a good shag!


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Re: Taking a virgin's virginity... - May 4th 2010, 04:15 AM

Control your sexual craving virginity means a lot more to some people, and if it was just a hookup, they probably WILL regret it, and you will be left feeling guilty, and them hurt. The girl may also become very attatched to you, as it is an emotional experience. Personally, i can't seperate love and sex, and this person may want more than a physical relationship. Don't use them, or trick them into having sex just b/c you may want it. I would have to say, unless you are going to be in a serious relationship, neither of you should take on the virginity responsibility. Good luck
   
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