TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever's Avatar
 
Name: Alisha
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: BC, Canada

Posts: 277
Join Date: April 10th 2009

Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 06:06 AM

I have a problem and I don't know what to do. I took a vow of abstinece about a year ago and now, I'm not sure if I should keep that because I'm rethinking the value of being a virgin. It doesn't seem that important to me anymore. But, I don't really want to loose it at the same time mostly because I'd have to take my (purity) ring off and EVERYONE would know. I mean, I could continue wearing it so nobody would know, but it would feel really weird for me. So, I don't know what to do. Any help???


Everthing I see seems to be a lie. And everything you see in me you think is the truth. But, really all you see is what I'm masking the real me with. You never see me cry. Because I'll never let you. And you'll never see me die because I feel like I already have in a way.

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Angel Offline
The final horcrux
I've been here a while
********
 
Angel's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: Slytherin Common Room

Posts: 1,402
Blog Entries: 66
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 06:32 AM

What was your purpose for abstaining in the first place? Why was your virginity important to you then?

Simply put, if you have the slightest doubt, don't. If you think that you will regret it greatly afterward, don't.


Your sex life is personal, and none of anyone's business really. If people know about your purity ring and ask what happened to it, should you decide not to wear it, you have no obligation to tell them anything.


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever's Avatar
 
Name: Alisha
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: BC, Canada

Posts: 277
Join Date: April 10th 2009

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 06:57 AM

I thought that I should save it as a gift to my future husband and I heard of family who've waited and found out that the guy only married her to get in her pants and they ended up getting divorced. So, I just don't want to wait for a guy who might do the same thing.


Everthing I see seems to be a lie. And everything you see in me you think is the truth. But, really all you see is what I'm masking the real me with. You never see me cry. Because I'll never let you. And you'll never see me die because I feel like I already have in a way.

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Lizzie Offline
Volunteering Officer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Lizzie's Avatar
 
Name: Lizzie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 4,700
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 07:01 AM

I agree with Angel about the fact that if you are having doubts, then you are not ready to have sex. It’s a huge thing and something you can never go back from. And if you are not completely ready to let your virginity go, then don’t. And the fact that you are worried about what people would think of you, makes me think even more that this would not be the right step for you to take right now. This is a choice you made to abstain, a vow that you made. People take vows because whatever they are doing is not going to be easy. If this was easy, you wouldn’t need to take a vow. I really think you should wait this out.

And if you want to talk about it, what does your partner think about you abandoning your vow? Are they OK with it? Have you even talked to them about this yet?




Interested in becoming a staff member? Feel free to PM me, or apply HERE!
::Teen Help Member Since 2006::
::Staff Member for ten years::
~Blessed Be~
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
ShimmeringFaerie's Avatar
 
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Australia

Posts: 1,990
Join Date: March 22nd 2010

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 08:22 AM

I agree with Lizzie. Making a vow to abstain isn't easy. If you made the choice to do so, then you should be willing to stick with it, even if it is harder than you thought it would be.

Virginity, itself, is a highly symbolic concept. It means different things to different people. For me, losing my virginity was not intercourse, it was any sexual act. And it was incredibly important to me. For some people, it isn't and that's fine. But since you took a virginity pledge to begin with, I assume that it is important to you too. Is it less important to you now? Can you explain why that is?

To me, giving up your virginity pledge because someone might marry you for sex doesn't seem reasonable. These days, most people don't wait until they are married to have sex. So if a guy is just after sex, he is going to find another girl to have sex with, rather than going through the effort of marrying someone who has taken a virginity pledge. So realistically, you are more likely to marry a guy who isn't with you for sex because he has been willing to wait however many years before you get married.

Obviously, it is your choice whether or not you wish to remain abstinent. But if your virginity was important enough to you to make the vow to begin with, I see no reason why it should hold less value to you now.



PM me!

Dreaming about the day
When you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
Has been here the whole time.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Tiny_93 Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Tiny_93's Avatar
 
Name: Z
Gender: Other

Posts: 208
Join Date: December 2nd 2009

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 08:29 AM

I agree with everyone above, you're just not ready yet because you're questioning it. Why was it important then and not now? Don't be worried about what people think, because at the end of the day, it's your life, and you'll be the one living with knowing you made the right decision or wrong decision for yourself.

Don't feel the need to grow up so quickly!


SH Free since:
22/12/09
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Angel Offline
The final horcrux
I've been here a while
********
 
Angel's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: Slytherin Common Room

Posts: 1,402
Blog Entries: 66
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Help! I'm Conflicted on What 2 Do!! - June 1st 2010, 09:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever View Post
I thought that I should save it as a gift to my future husband and I heard of family who've waited and found out that the guy only married her to get in her pants and they ended up getting divorced. So, I just don't want to wait for a guy who might do the same thing.
There are still people who decide to wait until marriage and their relationships turn out fine. This is why most people give a lot of thought before deciding to marry someone. It's a great commitment to make, and you shouldn't marry unless you were absolutely sure that it is someone you love unconditionally and can see yourself with for the rest of your life, preferably someone who feels the same for you! Not waiting for marriage will not shield you from anything you might experience if you did happen to decide to give yourself to your husband. There are men out there who are not interested in forming real relationships and instead want sex. Although you can't necessarily win at life by making the right moves, you can make smart decisions for yourself in order to figure out what you truly want.


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
conflicted

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.