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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
vita123 Offline
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Unhappy Masturbation truth ? - August 21st 2010, 03:05 AM

Hi...
I feel dumb writing in this blog. But i can't help but feel quilt and anger boiling within myself... So please be very respectful to my thread. That's all i ask.
I'm 17. I am a virgin. And I desperately need help.
I am a very, VERY, mature, well taught, educated, morally, loyal, naive person who is catholic.
I come from strict, loving, caring parents and have a caring and amazing boyfriend.
I am already a normal teenager struggling with fitting in, self image, self consciousness, acne, wight and more, just like any other teenager.
BUT.
I think i have do something that i know deep inside is NOT right.
And i need some guidance to know the TRUTH....

I...
Started masturbating when i was 14 years old, and have done it here and there, once in a while like a "normal" person would think they do it....
There is only one problem though.
I don't think it's normal like everybody things it is anymore.
And I despise myself after i do it.
I feel sad, depressed... DIRTY. Thinking that I will go to hell. And that this topic for confession would be way to strong for god to forgive me. And worst of all, that god hates me.
I would tell myself never to do it again, but then, somehow. I end up
sinfully... masturbating.

I need help to know the truth.
Am I a bad person?
Will I go to hell?
Does god hate me?
How do I just stop until I know i am ready to have sex with the person that i love?


Help....

Last edited by vita123; August 21st 2010 at 03:40 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Nicolette Offline
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Re: Masterbation..... - August 21st 2010, 03:14 AM

I swear to you God doesn't send people to hell for masturbating, last time I checked the 10 commandments didn't say anything about sexually touching yourself. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON, GOD WILL NOT HATE YOU AND YOU WILL NOT GO TO HELL!

I grew up in a Catholic school and was then sent to a Christian school... after hating both religous school's to the point of wanting to bible burn I took it upon myself to do some biblical investigating... there is nothing wrong with masturbating, it is not sinful, it is not lustful, you are filling your sexual desires without allowing your body to be used by others, you are not violating and biblical law.





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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 21st 2010, 04:37 AM

as long as u personally have asked for jesus's death on the cross to apply to u and asked for gods forgiveness that is something he can never take away. that is his free gift to us. he forgives us no matter how big the sin. and saves us from damnatioin and gives us eternal life with him.although masturbation is a sin he forgives us. as long as u have asked for it and have a relationship with him. hope i helped.
   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 21st 2010, 05:21 AM

Why would God make you feel a certain way and receive pleasure for it if it was wrong? You're not going to hell =]
   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 21st 2010, 05:37 AM

Hi Vita, welcome to TH!

First, masturbation is not a sin. As Nicolette said, there actually isn't anything in the Bible that says it is. It's simply something church leaders have stated to be disordered as it is using your sexual organs for something they were not intended for. It's outdated and silly. The Catholic Church says you're allowed to enjoy sex within a marriage as long as you're open to the possibility of bearing a child (it's intended purpose).

So if you're allowed to enjoy sex with a loving partner, I really don't know why you're not allowed to pleasure yourself. This is how I see it: many people have sex to express their love for one another. Why can't you stimulate yourself if you love yourself. It feels good, helps relieve stress, and it's 100% natural.

Growing up in a similar environment as you, it's actually taken me 22 years to break out of the pattern of guilt. The "It's just bad!", hush-hush stigma many religions put on sexuality it entirely counterproductive. I went to a Catholic school for 15 years of my life and it messed a lot of people up. Many people have become so sexually repressed that they found it hard to overcome matters similar to yours and are living in a world of guilt because of it (welcome to Catholicism!) or they became promiscuously out of control because so much tension had built up.

So to answer your questions:

No, you are certainly not a bad person. You're exploring your body and releasing a natural tension... which is very healthy.

You're not going to hell and God does not hate you.

Stop if you want to stop, but just know what you're doing is NOT wrong.
   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 21st 2010, 05:37 AM

Ok I'm not religious but I can tell you for certain that you are not a bad person. I started masterbating at 4, though I didn't know what I was doing until I was 15. I'm 21, a virgin, and do it quite often. It's perfectly normal and is NOTHING to feel guilty about. Honestly, it's healthy for you to do it.


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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 22nd 2010, 01:32 PM

I have to agree with the majority consensus. Masturbation is a perfectly natural, biological thing to do. Sexual expression is something that you shouldn't feel guilty about, even if it's just with yourself. I'm not religious myself at all, and mainly because of things like this.

Pleasure = good, so never feel guilty about it, 'kay? =).




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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 23rd 2010, 06:18 PM

As a teen, I struggle with many of the same things you do. Although, I do not have a b/f. You are not a bad person at all! Why do you feel like you need to stop until you're ready for sex? Would sex replace masturbation? Someone else would have to answer. However, I do it regularly and sometimes more than once a day. It depends on what I'm going through, how I feel and how much time I actually have to myself. I am not sure this helps, but I don't think your a bad person.
   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 25th 2010, 12:50 AM

Okay, firstly I'm an athiest so I can't give you much help with the religious side of things...I apologize for that. BUT I have studied all of the world's major religions and I do have a sense of what I believe God would be if he did exist... As I understand it, God will not send you to hell for pleasing yourself. Honestly, if you believe that he created you to have these feelings, why would he make you have to torture yourself and not be able to release them?

(I apologize ahead of time if you are offended by the next few sentences) I honestly don't believe that there is an old guy in the sky with a brown-haired son sitting next to him with angels all around walking on streets of gold making rules for people to follow and creating the whole universe in seven days. BUT here's what I do believe- God is Love. Yes, love. And love this strong would not condemn you for feeling what biology has created you to be- your biological purpose on the earth is to reproduce. That's the short answer. So, using our combined logic/beliefs...

God created the world.
God created biology.
Biology dictates that living creatures must reproduce.
Humans are living creatures.
Humans must reproduce.
Humans have sexual feelings.
Humans have sexual feelings that must be released.
Without breaking your promise to God for abstinence before marriage, there is no other way to release these sexual feelings.
God is love.
Love will not condemn you to hell for what it created.

THEREFORE, you're safe.

PS- I've just been studying logic, so that's why I mapped it out so plainly.

PSS- Also, masturbation is more common than you think. Girls just don't talk about it because we're all too ashamed of what people think.


I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Want to hold on, and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me, but I'm still here
   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 25th 2010, 04:34 AM

It's a natural thing and A LOT of people do it. So if you are a "bad" person and going to "hell". Then so is most of the world. =P
Honestly don't beat yourself up over it.
It's very normal for you to masturbate. You shouldn't feel its a bad thing.
God won't hate you either.
Or like I said he'll hate a lot of the population.


I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without.
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 25th 2010, 08:47 PM

As everyone else has said, Masturbation is not a sin! You do not need to apologize or repent for it! It is absolutely totally completely utterly natural to masturbate. God made humans. God made the sex drive. God made Sex. God also has a sick sense of humor and let our sex drives before our prefrontal cortex develop.No matter HOW mature or intelligent or righteous you are, you are 17. The prefrontal cortex, where higher thought and self control and consciousness are said to sit, are still being wired up well into your 20's. Your sex drive on the other hand is way back in the puitutary gland(or somewhere abouts there. Again don't quote me), which started up shortly after you hit puberty. Thus it is like giving us a antimatter reactor first and the control systems for it are stuck in Taiwan. Powerful psychological, biological, sociological, and yes spiritual power source without the proper controls to stem it off...aka a healthy spousal relationship and the rest of our brain.

So, we make do and bleed off some of the pressure by the ancient art of self pleasure. You do not hurt anyone, you do not hurt yourself, and you do not sacrifice your soul. It is very healthy and very normal to masturbate. In fact, it can help reduce stress and help you relax instead of stressing out over holding back your sex drive.

Like I have said before elsewhere on this forum, I don't think God would set us up for failure like from the get go. This seemed to be a pretty basic design "flaw" and is part of growing up. I do not believe God can or would condemn you for something your body does naturally. It's like saying you will go to hell if you take a dump in the woods. If you are in the woods, and you gotta go...walk 75 feet off the trail and take a dump (remembering to dig a cat hole and covering up your mess before you leave). Same principle. If you need to do it, just go into a private area and clean up afterwords. I promise God will not cast down lightning bolts or give you hairy palms.

No worries.
Best of Luck, Will


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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 26th 2010, 01:00 AM

I grew up in the catholic school system, and we were always told that God would have us masturbate if the alternate option was sex. And Ive read the bible too, and nothing was said about not being able to masturbate.

If you still feel like its a sin, know that God forgives anyone when they ask for forgiveness.



   
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Re: Masturbation truth ? - August 26th 2010, 01:11 AM

Its okay to masturbate so long as it doesn't control your life and become an addiction. As far as god goes he'd much rather see you masturbate then have sex before your married.
   
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