Female Advice Preferred: Couple questions about the gyno?

[Meli]

Alright, I have a couple questions about going to the gyno.
#1 - My sister is taking me, and although she's really cool and I know I can tell her anything, I don't want her to know that I'm not a virgin yet........ so uh... Will the gyno be able to tell? Will they say something? Because that cannot happen lol

#2 - My sister said even AFTER she lost her virginity that the gyno "Hurt like a b****"... Is that true? She says she cries every time she goes.. Shes scaring the living shit out of me lol I dont want to go but she wants me to cause shes my nurse lol.... So does it hurt alot?

[CrimeStopper]

Doctors usually can tell if you are a virgin or not. But everyone is different. Whether they say it outlaid or not, well that depends on the doctor. Usually there is really no reason for a doctor to say if you are a virgin or not. Most of the time when you go to the gynecologist you aren't going for them to talk about your sex life necessary. So yes, maybe she will say your a virgin, maybe she wont. All doctors are different.

Whether what any doctor does to you hurts or not depends on the person. I personally feel in most cases if your a virgin then yes there maybe little pain. I'm not a virgin and it can still hurt just a little for me. But I'm also pretty tight down there. I do feel it's more uncomfortable more then it actually hurts. But yes it may slightly hurt you. To the point that it hurts your sister, well we don't know yet. It may or may not. You will just have to go. But remember doctors aren't going to be doing things that make you be in insucruciating pain. Just try and relax and things may go better for you.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Is your sister going to be in the room with you? Most likely, I think the gyno would ask whether you are a virgin and you really shouldn't lie to him/her. So if you don't want your sister to know that you aren't, then perhaps it would be best if she wasn't in the room with you.

However, is there a reason why your sister is taking you to the gyno if she thinks you are a virgin? Unless you are experiencing problems with your period or something like that, there is little reason why you should have to see a gyno if you are a virgin, especially since you are only 15.

[Aletheia*]

Hey Melissa,
Doctors can usually tell if you are a virgin or not. As someone mentioned, it's up to them to speak a loud about it. If they think it might be for health reasons, they may tell your sister. She doesn't have to go in the room with you, and it's unadvised for her to do so in your case, that way you can speak openly to your doctor about sex. Since you are having a pelvic exam done (This I assume) she will have to know just in case something might be wrong. I only suggest you go into the room alone so you can openly express not being a virgin. When you say that to your doctor, she will keep that confidential, and will not tell your sister.

As for it hurting, it's more a pressure instead of an actual pain. It's just aggravating and uncomfortable, and since it's your first time, it can even be a little embarrassing. Over all, it's not as bad as your sister is making it out to be. She might be more sensitive to pain, and feels it a little bit more than others do. I have a high pain tolerance, and having an exam done doesn't hurt that much for me.

If you are having concerns, talk to some other older female friends or a parent about it.

Take care,
Shannon

[Allons-y!]

Wow, I've never heard that doctors can actually tell if you're a virgin or not. In fact, I've often heard just the opposite. Guess you learn something new every day.

If you're having sex, you should tell your doctor about it. It is never a good idea to lie to your doctor. You are, however, entitled to ask that they keep that information private. Most doctors are very understanding about privacy. They shouldn't tell your sister in any event, anyway, unless she's your legal guardian...I'm not 100% on this, but I don't think they're allowed to release medical information to anyone else, even if they're family.

I hadn't had sex the first time I had an exam, and it didn't hurt at all. It just felt a little weird. The second time, I was not a virgin anymore and I went to a different doctor. That time, it hurt a little and made me tear up just for a moment. I'd say it depends entirely on the doctor and the sensitivity of the patient.

I know there are a lot of horror stories about women's physicals, but most of them aren't true. If you just relax and your doctor is good, it should only feel a little uncomfortable. The thing is though, even if it does hurt, it'll only last for a second or two and it's very important that you have the exams if you're sexually active or have concerns about your body.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Originally Posted by Allons-y!

Wow, I've never heard that doctors can actually tell if you're a virgin or not. In fact, I've often heard just the opposite. Guess you learn something new every day.

Actually, I'm a little confused as to why everyone is saying that the doctor should be able to tell. Unless you have a STI or are pregnant, a doctor will not know whether you have had intercourse. If you've had sex recently, they may be able to tell because your vagina might be a bit red and swollen, but that can also be caused by masturbation. But generally, a doctor will not be able to tell that you are not a virgin.

[PutYourHeartsUp]

I've always been told that no, they cannot know if you're a virgin or not unless you tell them. Or as mentioned above. If it's because they can see if your "cherry" is popped, that in no way indicates whether or not you are a virgin...it can break from many other things not sex related.

Chances are, they WILL ask you if you're a virgin. You can always tell your sister you'd rather go in alone so you don't have to worry.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by ShimmeringFaerie

However, is there a reason why your sister is taking you to the gyno if she thinks you are a virgin? Unless you are experiencing problems with your period or something like that, there is little reason why you should have to see a gyno if you are a virgin, especially since you are only 15.

I completely second this. It doesn't make sense that she'd want you to go if she thinks you're a virgin.

[BethanyAnn]

I thought doctors had no right to tell anyone without your consent I mean as many times as I have been my doctor can't even tell my mother without my permission its the confidential rule its outside of their practice I even belevie it is in a oath.. Now if you have something wrong with you and someone needs to know they still have to ask you if they call someone and when they do tell someone they ask how you want it done with or without you there.. but if your just going to get a check up and have your cervices swabbed then they won't say anything to anyone else and if you don't want your sister in the room then she doesn't have to be in there with you.. they doctor ALWAYS tells my mom she has to leave the room and they do that so they get the truth out of you but they can't tell your parents or sister unless something is medically wrong

the pain part I am always in pain when I go I mean I don't cry it just hurts and I hate the pressure of it too its not the most comfortable thing in the world but it needs to be done

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by BethanyAnn

I thought doctors had no right to tell anyone without your consent I mean as many times as I have been my doctor can't even tell my mother without my permission its the confidential rule its outside of their practice I even belevie it is in a oath.. Now if you have something wrong with you and someone needs to know they still have to ask you if they call someone and when they do tell someone they ask how you want it done with or without you there.. but if your just going to get a check up and have your cervices swabbed then they won't say anything to anyone else and if you don't want your sister in the room then she doesn't have to be in there with you.. they doctor ALWAYS tells my mom she has to leave the room and they do that so they get the truth out of you but they can't tell your parents or sister unless something is medically wrong

the pain part I am always in pain when I go I mean I don't cry it just hurts and I hate the pressure of it too its not the most comfortable thing in the world but it needs to be done

If her sister is in the room when the exam is being done and the doctor asks if she's sexually active, then the OP either has to lie, or admit in front of her sister that she's not a virgin. It's not the doctor telling anyone, it's her sister being in the room that would have her find out.

[Dr.heather]

There is no way to tell if your a virgin or not unless you tell your doctor.. and you really should be honest about that.. there only trying to help... A doctor might be able to take a pretty good guess but its still just a guess.

As for your sister finding out.. its not of her bussnius and if you don't tell her the doctor sure can't.. thats not legal to do.. unless your life is in danger and that I'd doubt.

[Maloo]

You guys are completely missing the point. The doctor wouldn't be telling her sister.

[BethanyAnn]

Originally Posted by Myss

You guys are completely missing the point. The doctor wouldn't be telling her sister.

Well yeah they wouldn't be telling her sister her sister would hear it if she was in the room I was just saying sometimes they make people leave the room to where it is just doctor and patient especially if its a first visit but hey every doctor is different.. I just thought her question was would the doctor go tell her her sister and i was no he cant just go tell your sister but if she is in the room then yes she will hear it and if she doesn't want her sister to know then maybe her sister shouldn't be in there and personally I wouldn't want anyone looking at my area's except for my doctor and boyfriend

[BethanyAnn]

Originally Posted by Dr.heather

There is no way to tell if your a virgin or not unless you tell your doctor.. and you really should be honest about that.. there only trying to help... A doctor might be able to take a pretty good guess but its still just a guess.

As for your sister finding out.. its not of her bussnius and if you don't tell her the doctor sure can't.. thats not legal to do.. unless your life is in danger and that I'd doubt.

That was exactly what I was trying to say thanks for making that more clear than me.. guess some people just don't understand what we where trying to say

[Maloo]

If her sister is in the room with her, she's probably not going to be watching what the doctor is doing.. that'd be really weird. She would probably be there to hold her hand or something while the doctor did the exam.

[Angel]

If you're talking about the speculum, it can get uncomfortable. Don't let her words scare you though, you might have a totally different experience. Just take a deep breath and try to relax your vaginal muscles.

I'm not certain if your sister will be in the room with you while you're examined and questioned, but if it becomes a concern you can just ask her to sit outside and wait for you.

[Allons-y!]

Originally Posted by ShimmeringFaerie

Actually, I'm a little confused as to why everyone is saying that the doctor should be able to tell. Unless you have a STI or are pregnant, a doctor will not know whether you have had intercourse. If you've had sex recently, they may be able to tell because your vagina might be a bit red and swollen, but that can also be caused by masturbation. But generally, a doctor will not be able to tell that you are not a virgin.

Haha, yes, my original and current thoughts exactly.

I think it's completely justified to ask your sister to leave the room. You can just say "Could I have some privacy? This is kind of awkward," or just say you want to do it on your own. Certainly not too much to ask; I wouldn't want anyone in the room with me either, and I doubt your sister would be too keen on it herself if she were the one having the exam done for the first time.

[Meli]

She doesn't WANT to take me lol When I went to my regular doctor, i got some shot for something (i forgot what) and I'm almost 16 and my dr. said Im getting to the age where I should startgoing, and she toldme she started going at my age too so shes taking me. I'll tell her to wait outside and I'm sure she'lll understand that that's kind of embaressing lol And as for the pain, i guessjust like sex it's different for everyone. So, I'll see when I get there(: Thanks everyone

[Revolution]

The doctor will be able to tell, and if not, they are going to ask, and you are going to want to be honest, or you will not get the proper results. Your sister will probably have to find out, sorry.
I did not have to get the full exam, even if I'm not a virgin. He only did the outer exam, said I didn't look swollen or anything, and said that the full exam isn't necessary. So it didn't hurt at all for me, just the feeling of a tool looking inside. So, I think it depends on the doctor. He says I'll have to have a full exam next visit. Not looking forward to that...xD

[Aletheia*]

Originally Posted by outsider_girl

The doctor will be able to tell, and if not, they are going to ask, and you are going to want to be honest, or you will not get the proper results. Your sister will probably have to find out, sorry.
I did not have to get the full exam, even if I'm not a virgin. He only did the outer exam, said I didn't look swollen or anything, and said that the full exam isn't necessary. So it didn't hurt at all for me, just the feeling of a tool looking inside. So, I think it depends on the doctor. He says I'll have to have a full exam next visit. Not looking forward to that...xD

The only way her sister would find out if she was not a virgin was if her sister is present in the room at the time of the exam. Doctor's have to respect the patient/doctor oath they took at the time they became doctor's that supports doctor/patient confidentiality. If she were to tell her doctor she was not a virgin, and her sister was not present, that doctor is not allowed to say anything.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by ShannonPants

The only way her sister would find out if she was not a virgin was if her sister is present in the room at the time of the exam. Doctor's have to respect the patient/doctor oath they took at the time they became doctor's that supports doctor/patient confidentiality. If she were to tell her doctor she was not a virgin, and her sister was not present, that doctor is not allowed to say anything.

I feel like this has been said before... like 5 times lol

[Aletheia*]

Originally Posted by Myss

I feel like this has been said before... like 5 times lol

Yeah, I know. I was reiterating the statement for the person who had posted above me (posted above that particular statement) since they continued to think that her sister would be able to find out.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by ShannonPants

Yeah, I know. I was reiterating the statement for the person who had posted above me (posted above that particular statement) since they continued to think that her sister would be able to find out.

Oh, no. Believe me, I know why you said it. I think it's funny that there's been like 5 posts saying "she won't know unless the doctor tells her" and then you or I have to keep saying "they're not allowed to."

I'm not laughing at what you said, just the fact that you have to keep saying it because people clearly aren't reading the posts before theirs lol

[Meli]

lol i already get it xD I just will ask her not to be i the room, and ask the doctor not to mention it and it's all good (y) lol

[Hallelujah]

Hmm. I know this a slightly off topic here, but I see a lot of threads about Gyno visits, so I'm gonna ask here.

WHY do you visit a gyno? Is it just a US thing? Cause I've been sexually active for years, had problems etc, and I've never been told to visit a gyno O.o
Are you meant to go? It seems like such a big deal here!

Admittedly, I visit the Family Planning Clinic for my contraceptive pills [Free condoms FTW] and I've had the same partner for 5 years, but...should I have seen someone?

[Meli]

Originally Posted by Eremophobia

Hmm. I know this a slightly off topic here, but I see a lot of threads about Gyno visits, so I'm gonna ask here.

WHY do you visit a gyno? Is it just a US thing? Cause I've been sexually active for years, had problems etc, and I've never been told to visit a gyno O.o
Are you meant to go? It seems like such a big deal here!

Admittedly, I visit the Family Planning Clinic for my contraceptive pills [Free condoms FTW] and I've had the same partner for 5 years, but...should I have seen someone?

Errrm... Idk o.o i thought everyone went lol

[Hallelujah]

Oh I see, they don't bother in the UK unless you go to a doctor when something's wrong. Sucks if there's no symptoms I guess.
Ah well, that answers that question.

[Bibliophile]

It's a lot less common in the UK. They run smear tests, but that's about it, unless there's a problem.

[Marshmellow]

I live in the U.S., and I've never been recommended to go to the gyno. O.o I only went when I was having irregular periods and needed to be on birth control. Otherwise, I haven't gone. :/

They'll ask you if you're sexually active, and that's really it. It's best you be honest, because you'll have to have a pap smear, which you're supposed to have once you become sexually active. It checks for cervical cancer. Likely, the shot you had was the GARDASIL. There are three doses of it; I had the three between ages 17-18.

[LittleMiss]

Okay, I skipped half the posts because they was all kind of like 'what's going on???'

1. Why are you going to see the gynaecologist? 15-16 is not the age you have to start going, my GP sub-specialised in women's health and she said that you should start going within one year of commencing sexual intercourse or at ~19 (pap smears).

2. In regards to confidentiality, I'm a first-year medical student and we did a huge unit on confidentiality and consent.
As a minor, you do come under the clause of 'mature minor' which is something your doctor will judge. If you are deemed a mature minor, your details will not have to be disclosed and you will have a right to give consent to procedures/disclosure of details.
If you went with your sister, your doctor should ask you whether you are comfortable with your sister in the room and you may say yes or no.
It is perfectly acceptable for you to say no and also to ask what it means if your sister stays.
Just ask, and if you are worried, ask to talk to them privately to voice your concerns. Doctors want to accommodate your concerns and if you tell them what they are, they can help.
If you really want, you could ask if your sister stays for the examination and leaves when they talk to you about it.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by LittleMiss

Okay, I skipped half the posts because they was all kind of like 'what's going on???'

1. Why are you going to see the gynaecologist? 15-16 is not the age you have to start going, my GP sub-specialised in women's health and she said that you should start going within one year of commencing sexual intercourse or at ~19 (pap smears).

Probably because she's sexually active.

[Aletheia*]

Originally Posted by Myss

Probably because she's sexually active.

You beat me to it, as usual Myss

[LittleMiss]

Originally Posted by Myss

Probably because she's sexually active.

That'll teach me not to skim read, lol.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by LittleMiss

That'll teach me not to skim read, lol.

It's ok, it happens to the best of us

[starship ranger]

The doctor may ask you or say it out loud to you, but it's all up to you whether your sister knows or not. I highly doubt the doctor would look your sister straight in the face and tell her that you're not a virgin. I don't even think they're allowed to do that if you don't want them to. Also, if you don't want her to know and you're so scared it'll come up, just have her wait outside the room so that you know she's there but she won't really know what went on, and things might not be so scary. I guess this isn't much help coming from a 13-year-old that's never been, but it's kind of common knowledge to me. I know too much.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Doctors cannot tell if you're a virgin or not unless you have some health issues only caused by sexual activity.

The first time I had an exam down there, I wasn't a virgin & it didn't hurt at all. It was a bit uncomfortable, but it only took a few minutes.

I'm not sure if it's only in California or not, but my doctor said they cannot tell parents (or guardians) if you are having sex for confidentiality reasons. If you tell the gyno not to tell your sister, he/she probably won't, unless there's a different law where you live.

[Hallelujah]

Originally Posted by remembering_sunday

Doctors cannot tell if you're a virgin or not unless you have some health issues only caused by sexual activity.

Lol, sorry it's a bit off topic but the first thing I thought when I read this was going to the doctors heavily pregnant and trying to assure them you're a virgin

[Allons-y!]

Originally Posted by Eremophobia

Lol, sorry it's a bit off topic but the first thing I thought when I read this was going to the doctors heavily pregnant and trying to assure them you're a virgin

"Miss, I'm sorry, but this baby falls under the category of a 'health issue only caused by sexual activity.' You're not fooling us." Haha.

Even more sad though is the idea that many pregnant women do try to persuade people (often their parents, clearly) that they are virgins.

[LittleMiss]

Originally Posted by Allons-y!

"Miss, I'm sorry, but this baby falls under the category of a 'health issue only caused by sexual activity.' You're not fooling us." Haha.

Even more sad though is the idea that many pregnant women do try to persuade people (often their parents, clearly) that they are virgins.

Hahaha.

"But, I was attacked by a crazy woman and a turkey baster, honest!"