Would You Have Sex Outside of a Relationship?

[oOo.NICKI.oOo]

I've been thinking a lot lately about sex and how other people actually view it. Recently I started talking to a guy and I really like him. However, he's said some things that I never really thought about before. We get along really well and we've talked on the phone every night for the past two or three weeks. We've discussed sex before and he knows I'm a virgin.

So, last night when we were talking he said that he thinks normally people have sex around the third date and then they decide to be in a relationship. Do you think that's true? People have sex with someone without being in a relationship with them and then decide after that they want to commit to one another? Is this common or has anyone here had sex with someone and then started a relationship after? If so, was this the situation the first time you had sex? Or after you already lost your virginity?

[Aletheia*]

For me, I wouldn't have sex outside of a relationship. Either you want to be with me FOR ME, or you don't. Simple as that. If they're having sex with you AND then determining if they want to be with you, I think it pretty much speaks for itself. Just because you have sex with them, doesn't mean they're going to begin a relationship with you.

[Acheron]

Yep. And actually, I think it's smart to have sex before committing. Sexual compatibility is a big part of any relationship, so I'd rather find out if a girl I'm dating is compatible with me without having to go through a breakup if she isn't. In fact, I hate the mentality of no sex until relationship. I'd much rather have a girl who enjoys sex for its own sake than one who treats it as a bargaining chip.

[Heartlines.]

I've never heard of having sex THEN getting in a relationship actually working. There was this one guy that always said he wanted to have sex with me, and that after if we were compatible enough, we would get into a relationship. And I was foolish enough to go along with it! We were off and on for like two years, and every time he said it would be different...then let me down. Time after time. Finally, I decided it wasn't worth it. Any guy who wants sex first, is usually in it for one thing. I feel like guys who say that, only say it so they can get sex. If a guy really wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would wait for the sex if you wanted to. He would respect your virginity, and who you are.

Honestly, you still being a virgin..don't just give that up to anyone. Especially someone who is potentially 'yanking your chain'. It's not fair to you. And you'll regret it. You should wait for someone that you know FOR sure is wanting to be with you for you. If you even have to question something like this, then it's usually not a good thing. Go with your gut feeling. Truly. Really think about this. hope everything works out. Take care.

[Fairy Poppins]

I've never heard of 2 people having sex and then saying, "Hey shall we have a relationship now?" But then I thought "watersports" meant kayaking and windsurfing.

Anyway, I have never had sex outside of a relationship, but that's only because I like to wait a while, so we start the official relationship (and I usually end up falling for them ) in the mean time.

[Heartlines.]

Originally Posted by Fairy Poppins

But then I thought "watersports" meant kayaking and windsurfing.

Wait. It's not?

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I have sex outside my girlfriend-boyfriend relationship quite often and she's well aware as she does the same thing. I prefer casual relationships with sex up front because I'd rather avoid relationships where I have to walk through a mine field of emotional baggage to get sex. You'll usually find that after having sex with the person, they may be more willing to commit to the relationship because of an unwritten "rule". Also, it's easier to break up with the girl if there's little emotional baggage since break-ups can get quite ugly for the lady. This was well after I lost my virginity (back when I was 14).

Some may disagree but I don't see any importance in losing your virginity to someone special. If you lose it to an asshole, oh well, learn for next time, we all make mistakes. Unless you have religious or cultural reasons for when/how to lose your virginity, have sex with the guy if you want to and he wants to.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

There was a time between relationships where I considered it, but I know I would never go through with it. I would have too many regrets. I only have sex with guys I'm in long-term & committed relationships with.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by Amoroso

Wait. It's not?

Awww, Lyndsee's so innocent. But seriously, don't look it up.

[Tigerlily.]

Well with me, I've only had sex twice, both times it was out of a relationship but there wasn't really an intent on there being one. The first time I regret because I didn't really like the person and it was me letting my hormones get the better of me, but the second time I don't regret. Sometimes I wish we could've dated, but then again I know it really wouldn't work because I just know her well enough to know it wouldn't. We still talk, we're still friends, but we basically do not plan on ever having a relationship and as for the sex, it was a one time thing with her really. In the end it's up to you but it may not turn out so pretty.

[Boxy]

It's really a matter of preference. I've had sex outside of a relationship before... a f*ck buddy basically. But other than that one person I've only had sex when I was in a relationship with them, and we were actually together more than a month before we even did that.

But I know lots of people who have sex without being a relationship and then getting together with them, or not getting together. Some people just think of sex differently. Some people consider it a treasure, and other's just don't. There's no real right or wrong. Although some religions dictate otherwise.

[Jaguar]

It really depends on how much the person is comfortable with the idea. I know people who have casual sex, and I know people who would never have sex out of a relation ship. I think the majority is somewhere in the middle.

I get the impression you're considering losing your virginity with him and are uneasy about there not being a relationship there first. In my own experience, when I had sex with someone before a relationship was established, about half the time it led to a relationship, and the other half it didn't, and sometimes I wish it had.

I ran some polls some time ago both here and on other websites, and about half of people reported losing their virginities with someone they weren't in a relationship with. Most often it was with someone they knew and trusted and they mostly reported good experiences, and those who reported losing it with a random mostly reported a bad experiences. Hope that helps.

[semiunbalanced]

I have a friend who has had sex with my girlfriend's best friend's brother (lolll) tons of times and she's not even sure if he likes her. They might be in a relationship soon, who knows.

I personally would NEVER do that. xP My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months and still haven't done it. We're both virgins though so I don't know if that plays into anything... But still I wouldn't have a sexual relationship before a committed relationship ever came into play.

[Le bonheur*]

I personally could never have sex outside of a relationship.

[Kitty.]

I have before and I have had no problems with it.

[bitesize]

Out of the people I've had sex with that weren't once-offs (hah not that that's a big amount or anything!!) One I had sex with when we'd been casually seeing each other. We slept together for a few weeks and then got into a relationship that lasted 14 months. One asked me to be his girlfriend after a while but I decided it was better to keep it casual. And one I waited to have sex with until we'd been seeing each other for six months and been going out for three(now we're coming up to our eighteen months.) Honestly the best connection I've had of the three was with the last, because we were able to base the relationship on the emotional connection we had before we brought in the physical. Recently I've been having a lot of trouble with low sex drive etc, but because our relationship is a lot more than jsut physical, it hasn't affected us as much as I know it would have affected the relationship with the first person of the three.
That being said, I had the most fun sex with the second, with whom I had no deep emotional connection and wasn't particularly planning to. I think it's fine to have sex outside the relationship, it's fun and it's nice when it ends up leading to something more ~ you know that you'll already have the sexual chemistry. However if you want a relationship that is definitely based on more than just the physical aspect, it's better to wait.

[QuantumModulus]

I wouldn't have sex with someone outside of a relationship. It's an intimate act for me, and I don't appreciate being used -- or using someone else -- as a sexual object to be tossed aside after a night or two.

I've never heard of a scenario, nor have I been in one, in which sex leads to a committed relationship that is successful. Usually if someone's ready to have sex very early in a relationship, that's the only thing they're after, and commitment is the last thing they want.

[Baxter]

Originally Posted by Acheron

Yep. And actually, I think it's smart to have sex before committing. Sexual compatibility is a big part of any relationship, so I'd rather find out if a girl I'm dating is compatible with me without having to go through a breakup if she isn't. In fact, I hate the mentality of no sex until relationship. I'd much rather have a girl who enjoys sex for its own sake than one who treats it as a bargaining chip.

This this this, specifically this.

[Ghost On The Highway]

No. Before marriage yes, with an acquaintance, never.

[Dream]

I already have, so the answer is yes.

It is not what I had ideally wanted, but things haven't worked out quite like I have hoped.

[Sythan]

If it was agreed upon with my partner that we could have sex outside the relationship, then I would have no problem with it. But having sex outside the relationship without your partner knowing or it's not mutually agreed on is not something I would do.

[vivid2012]

Originally Posted by believe.in.hope

I personally could never have sex outside of a relationship.

So DO I. never have sex outside of a relationship!!

[QuantumModulus]

Originally Posted by Sythan

If it was agreed upon with my partner that we could have sex outside the relationship, then I would have no problem with it. But having sex outside the relationship without your partner knowing or it's not mutually agreed on is not something I would do.

I think the OP was referring to having sex with someone while not in a relationship with him/her...

(Nicki, feel free to clarify if I'm off here. )

[Unicorn ♥✿]

Yes I would, but not to lose my virginity
I think you should lose it with someone special, but after that, sex doesn't seem it has to be relationshipy, you can enjoy it with no strings

xx

[Verità]

Personally, I don't think I would ever have sex outside of a relationship. I want it to be an intimate act between myself and someone I love. My friends have had sex outside of relationships, and all it tends to lead to for them in heartbreak. I also have never heard of sex leading to relationships, as relationships can be complicated, and if you're already getting the physical benefits, some might see it as not worth it to get involved emotionally as well. So no, I have not and will not have sex outside a relationship.

[Ryan1]

In my opinion it depends what you value. Sex outside of a relationship can be dangerous I say that because I’ve had a few scares myself. ‘Friends with benefits’ don’t always work out. It’s best to be able to openly talk with your partner. There are some people you just can’t talk too. What if they were keeping secrets from you? Its risky business wear protection if you’re into it.

[ChaosControl]

No, I wouldn't. But I wouldn't judge someone who does, it honestly depends on the context and their own values.

[Skeleton]

With my current girlfriend, we had sex before we got into a relationship. At some point we did say that we were dating and then later on made it official.

I think if that's how you want to do things then why not?

[Sythan]

Originally Posted by QuantumModulus

I think the OP was referring to having sex with someone while not in a relationship with him/her...

(Nicki, feel free to clarify if I'm off here. )

Lol, it seems I was off , thanks for clarifying.

Yeah, sex with a person while not in a relationship is something I've done before.

[Emilycox]

I won't have actual intercourse outside a relationship, but I will do other "things" to a guy if I want to.

[Quartet]

I have had sex outside of a relationship before. Interestingly enough, it was with my current boyfriend. We have now been together for 4 years, but we started off as just a fling (in my head anyways) and it stuck. We ended up really caring about each other.

So I say it depends on your personal preference and what you are emotionally capable of dealing with. You said you were a virgin, so I'd be careful with that... guys are deceiving. Popping someones V-card is like being handed 2000 bucks for no reason.

[vivid2012]

No, I'll never do that.