Is Sex a Big Deal?

[oOo.NICKI.oOo]

I know this is going to be a tough question to really answer. I also know the answer to this question is based on the person and everyone is different. However, I'm just curious if people think sex is a big deal or not?

I posted earlier and mentioned that I started talking to this guy. I really like him, but he has a very casual attitude towards sex. He thinks it's fine to have sex before being in a committed relationship with someone. He already knows I'm a virgin. He keeps telling me that he thinks once I have sex that after I'll wonder why I waited so long and why I made such a big deal out of it.

I think I'm just a very cautious and worrisome person. I don't want to do something I'm going to regret, but I also don't want to wait around forever, looking for something that I may never get. I'm not perfect and I know other people aren't perfect either. I'm not expecting my first time to be perfect, but I also don't want to regret it. I'm so confused. I think I'm scared of the idea of having sex. Is that weird?

[LucyLovestrukk]

I do think as you said that it is different for each person and this happens to be a topic my friends and I were discussing recently. Myself, i have a very open attitude towards sex, my thoughts are that your first time should be special and you should make sure you want it before you give the go ahead, and after that... you should be allowed to bang anyone at any time and it is your choice!

You seem very unsure about this which makes me think that you aren't ready for sex just yet, you need to really think about what sex means to you... is it a deep emotional connection between two souls or is it just a bit of fun... have you got a strong emotional connection to the guy, or are you just going to say yes because you are feeling pressured into it... These are all things you have to take into consideration.

Don't feel as if you have to have sex just because this guy put this thought into your head, you have to make sure you are ready before you "do the deed". As for being scared of sex, I think that everyone is a little scared of their first time as it is an important step in your life.

I really hoped this helped, message me if you have any more questions.
Lucy xxx

[Pizza Slut]

Like Lucy said the answer is obviously going to be different for a everyone but personally I don't think it is such a big deal as everyone makes out.

When I was a virgin I thought it was this huge thing but after losing it I realised I shouldn't have been so worried about it. I didn't feel hugely different afterwards so this guy could be right. However, don't let that pressure you into doing it before you're ready.

I know how you feel about being scared of sex though, I was more scared of the pain to be honest but it didn't hurt as much as I was expecting.

[oOo.NICKI.oOo]

Originally Posted by Capt'n Cara

Like Lucy said the answer is obviously going to be different for a everyone but personally I don't think it is such a big deal as everyone makes out.

When I was a virgin I thought it was this huge thing but after losing it I realised I shouldn't have been so worried about it. I didn't feel hugely different afterwards so this guy could be right. However, don't let that pressure you into doing it before you're ready.

I know how you feel about being scared of sex though, I was more scared of the pain to be honest but it didn't hurt as much as I was expecting.

If you don't mind me asking, were you in a relationship when you did it the first time? I'm just SO scared of regretting whatever decision I make. I'm like psyching myself out about it and making it worse. I'm just making myself even more scared of sex. I feel so confused and I don't know what to do

[Harmony♥]

For me, yes, sex was a big deal. I was terrified. But once I had gotten it over with, it wasn't so bad and I was more open-minded about it. I guess this question goes along with your other question: would you have sex outside of a relationship. My answer is still no, I wouldn't. To me, sex is sacred and should be shared with one person...not many.

[Pizza Slut]

Originally Posted by oOo.NICKI.oOo

If you don't mind me asking, were you in a relationship when you did it the first time? I'm just SO scared of regretting whatever decision I make. I'm like psyching myself out about it and making it worse. I'm just making myself even more scared of sex. I feel so confused and I don't know what to do

I was in a relationship and I'm still with that person now. I can understand not wanting to do it for the first time if you're not in a relationship with this guy so maybe try and sort out some kind of official relationship first.

But, it's completely up to you. You don't have to be in a relationship with him to have sex

[oOo.NICKI.oOo]

Originally Posted by Capt'n Cara

I was in a relationship and I'm still with that person now. I can understand not wanting to do it for the first time if you're not in a relationship with this guy so maybe try and sort out some kind of official relationship first.

But, it's completely up to you. You don't have to be in a relationship with him to have sex

It's just difficult because I really, really like this guy, but at the same time, he doesn't completely understand the relationship thing. He's been with a lot of girls and he hasn't been in a relationship with the majority of them. He doesn't see the point in needing to be in a relationship first and when I try to explain why I want that he just doesn't seem to agree. I don't want that to be the reason we don't talk anymore though, so I don't know what to do...

[Dr.Bobby]

Nicki, I think it might be a good idea here to revisit your values, how you arrived at your decision to remain a virgin, and see if it still holds true. It sounds like part of your dilemma is caused by a clash btw'n a long held value and a current reality (a boyfriend who doesn't at all share that value). The way to resolve this is to not necessarily think about the behavior in question (sex), but rather the value behind it. Periodic 'values clarification' is always a good idea, anyways, because it helps with ongoing self awareness, in addition to helping with situations like these. In short, you shift the focus back to yourself instead of being distracted by him (and the situation).

That all said, there are some troubling signs here, which you might also be responding to: His past casual sex isn't so much of an issue, frankly, b/c past behavior isn't always indicative of present intent. What IS troubling (in your description, anyways) is a lack of commitment to you and the relationship. You say you like him, but I'm not hearing that back from him. THAT could potentially result in an experience that is less than satisfactory for you, and you might ant to separate his past lack of commitment from his current intentions and see if that's acceptable to you.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

As pretty much everyone already said, it depends on the person.

Before I lost my virginity, it was a very big deal to me. I was waiting until marriage, but changed my mind when I was finally in a long-term & committed relationship. I didn't have any regrets, even though that relationship didn't last.

I have sex with my boyfriend, which means that I have had two sexual partners even though sex is still very important to me. My standards go as far as making sure I'm in a committed relationship with the person & it will last, at least for a while to where it's considered long-term.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

For me, sex was a big deal before I lost my virginity, and it still is a big deal for me now. I can't separate sex from love, so every time I have sex with my boyfriend, it is a very emotional experience for me. It is never just about physical pleasure for me. I'm lucky that I have a partner who can understand that, even though he doesn't feel the same.

Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't have sex with the guy you mentioned. It sounds like he has made it quite clear that he is not interested in having a relationship with you; he just wants sex. Which is fine for him, but it doesn't sound like his views fit in with what you want.

[Snufkin]

I had a chance to lose my virginity earlier this year in a completely casual, physical-attraction-is-all-it-is way. Looking back on it, I'm very glad I didn't. I think, for me, getting to 20 years old, having waited this long, I'm gonna make it worth it and not have my first time be something that I won't look back fondly on. It's different for everyone, as people have said. I know people more prudish than me, and I know people who sleep with anything that moves, so I haven't really been influenced by anyone else. Do whatever (or, indeed, whoever) feels right.

[Jaguar]

It's just sex. It's another bodily function but it can be intimate and personal and when combined with love and affection it's a good experience. I think it's a mistake to blow it out of proportion however.

When you do it with somebody you don't care anything about, it feels good, but that's all. When you do it with somebody you love, its awesome. But in any case, do it because you want to do it and for no other reason.

I think you're plenty old enough to have sex because you want to have the experience. After all it's a part of life. If he's the one you choose to have your first time with, I don't think it's a good idea to expect that will lead to a loving relationship. He doesn't seem like that kind of guy.

[Sythan]

It differs for every person.

Personally, sex isn't a big deal for me unless you make it a big deal. I don't see virginity as being anything important, it's lost in a second and there's really no point to it, at least in my opinion.

[Magic.]

To be honest I think he's right ... a lot of people feel that after their first time. It doesn't mean you shouldn't wait though ... even though sex itself isn't the biggest deal, losing your virginity is a big deal to most people. I'm SO glad mine was with someone I oved and trusted. I know people who have the same attitude that sex isn't a big deal, but they still regret losing it to someone who didn't care about them ...
It's a very personal choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I believe that if you're ready and comfortable and happy with a person then you won't regret it. But definately think about it, don't just rush into it because you like him ...

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Originally Posted by Jaguar

When you do it with somebody you don't care anything about, it feels good, but that's all.

I know the point you are trying to make, but that's not necessarily true. If the person you are having sex with doesn't care about you, they're less likely to care about making sex a good experience for you. And since women usually need the guy to put in a bit more effort to make sex pleasurable for them, if this guy doesn't care about her, he won't necessarily try and it won't necessarily be a good experience for her. Especially since it's her first time.

[Venenum]

For some it is, for some it isn't.

My friend is more into sex than what's considered healthy,
and I couldn't care less about it. It's a matter of who you are.

[Stargazed.]

As others have mentioned, some people think it's a big deal but others don't. Personally, up until I was 17 and in a committed relationship, I thought of sex as a big deal. I was sexually abused and I had NO interest in sex whatsoever. But now, I am with a guy who I trust and I plan on marrying someday. I'm comfortable with him and sex.

[MY NAME IS ERIN]

Well i think it really depends on the person. For me personally, I don't see the big deal. Everyone is gonna do it. So as long as you are 100 PERCENT SAFE then it's not a big deal at all. But if I was gonna have sex I would want to be dating for at least 2 months and be in love. Other then that I don't see the big deal. But then again everyone is different ^_^

[Lost_Confused]

It differs from person to person, but I personally don't think of it as that big of a deal. I won't be doing to again until I'm married though, because of the risk of pregnancy. I don't have birth control, don't have the money, condoms aren't 100% effective, as I found out when I got pregnant. I had a miscarriage though, but I just don't want to be pregnant again until I have that financial and emotional support. But I digress. I believe sex in itself isn't a big deal, you just have to be protected as much as possible.

[Keep Calm and Eat Cake]

Originally Posted by Jaguar

It's just sex. It's another bodily function but it can be intimate and personal and when combined with love and affection it's a good experience. I think it's a mistake to blow it out of proportion however.

When you do it with somebody you don't care anything about, it feels good, but that's all. When you do it with somebody you love, its awesome. But in any case, do it because you want to do it and for no other reason.

I think you're plenty old enough to have sex because you want to have the experience. After all it's a part of life. If he's the one you choose to have your first time with, I don't think it's a good idea to expect that will lead to a loving relationship. He doesn't seem like that kind of guy.

Completely agree with this (especially the bold).

[vivid2012]

Originally Posted by WWEGIRLXDD

Well i think it really depends on the person. For me personally, I don't see the big deal. Everyone is gonna do it. So as long as you are 100 PERCENT SAFE then it's not a big deal at all. But if I was gonna have sex I would want to be dating for at least 2 months and be in love. Other then that I don't see the big deal. But then again everyone is different ^_^

It's not a big deal to me.

[Lifeblood]

I'm 15, been with my boyfriend for 6 months, we're both virgins (he turns 16 in 2 weeks, 3 months before me)
I don't consider losing my virginity to him a huge deal for a few reasons like so far, everything we've done further than kissing has been the first time for each of us so we're learning together
I would be intimidated losing it to someone for whom it wasn't their first time though

I do think at 15 I'm a bit young, as everyone says it's all personal though as I know a girl who's been having sex since she was about 13 I think and she has a fairly casual attitude towards it

Tbh though as for losing virginity in general, I think it's not that big a deal because it's just sex, the same sex you're gonna have whether it's your first time or 50th *shrugs*

For me, I think purely *because* I've been with my bf for long enough, sex won't change anything emotionally between us

Edit: oh indeed, and also as basically everyone's gonna do it it doesn't seem so major
It's just another thing humans...do. It's basically the point of our existence