Losing virginity with older guy

[Emilycox]

I've been thinking seriously about losing my virginity with an older guy I know. He's someone I've known for a couple years from my neighbourhood. He's in his early forties. I wanted to try sex with someone experienced first, which is the reason I'm thinking about him. He's a really nice guy. He's never tried to do anything with me. I talked to him about it and he said I should think about it for a month and see if i still wanted to go ahead with it. He said he wants to be sure I'm ready and not going to regret it. I feel like I trust him and want him to do it with me at least once from behind as an experiment. I've started on oral contraceptives so I have that covered. I feel ready for this. I just wondered if anyone thinks I'm crazy for wanting to do this?

[AmazonQueen]

well first off if your only starting the pill now you will need more than a month or two before you can go without a condom, i strongly recomend still using one.

Ultimately who you want to be your first is your choice but I think you should wait until you no longer feel the need to be asking us if you should have sex with a 40 year old man when you are only 18. Age is just a number but you need to be sure this is what you want. He is old enough to be your father so my opinion would be for you to wait. It sounds to me that maybe you are just looking to lose your virginity for the sake of having sex. Just because he's older doesn't necessarily mean he will be good. Losing your virginity wont be the fairytale most girls imagine regardless of age and experience.
maybe it would be best to wait for a relationship?

[Aletheia*]

Do I think it's crazy? Absolutely. Sex isn't something that you should just do with anyone. It should be between people who love each other, and obviously, you don't love this guy. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that person is going to be any less experienced than this other guy you're contemplating having sex with.

As the above poster said, it's going to take more than a month or two before you can have sex without a condom (and there be LITTLE risk of pregnancy, though there is still a chance of pregnancy if you have sex no matter what you do to protect yourself), so I highly recommend using one anyway. You don't KNOW this guy on a deeper, more physical level yet, and condoms will help you protect against sexually transmitted infections & diseases. So, continue taking your birth control, but seriously consider using a condom as well. You don't want to become part of a cliche.

Whom you decide to have sex with is your business. But, having sex with some random 40 year old guy you know from your neighbor probably isn't the best idea.

[Le bonheur*]

Yes. It is crazy. I personally believe sex should be between two people who love each other, not random people. I know, some people do this sort of thing but I think it's dumb. It not only hurts your self-esteem, but you may regret it in the future. You don't know if this guy has any STI's that he could pass on to you. You might get pregnant (even with proper precautions, it's still possible). You don't love this guy. Ultimately, it's your life, your decision, but I don't think you should. You're asking us on TH about it, which makes me think you're not ready. Take your time with things like this. Don't lose your virginity to someone who you barely know just because you want to. You still have a long life ahead of you and plenty of opportunities to fall in love and THEN have sex.

[Chris.]

I have to agree with Shannon and Brittany on this one - I think it is 100% crazy. Sex is something you don't rush just to know how it is. I get the whole hormone thing and you wanting to be sexually involved with someone - I 100% understand - but sex is something you do when you really want to do it. You say you want to do it, but I really don't think you want to do it with a 40 year old man.

If I were you, I would wait until I was romantically involved with someone - it would be that much more special and you wont regret it, that I can promise you.

I wish you the best of luck on choosing which way to go.


Best wishes,
Chris

[Ibanez]

You referred to losing your virginity as an "experiment" with someone you trust. Other people are going to tell you their views on what sex means and how you shouldn't do this, wait for someone you love, etc. but you clearly don't hold any severe emotional connection to sex in the same way they do. Even the guy wants to make sure you're seeing this as an unemotional act that you wont regret. That's the only thing you need to be sure about, that you understand this is purely physical and aren't harboring any secret emotions towards this, or towards him.

Like other people have said, age and sexual experience have no correlation, but if you are turned on by his age then yeah, you're probably going to enjoy it more than if he was 18.

Keep in mind the social implications of the age difference however. That's something you don't want certain people in your life to find out about, especially your parents. It is definitely something people in general are going to feel uneasy about. If you see this as a purely physical and pleasurable event, then yeah, go ahead. If you're not completely sure about this, or how you feel about sex, then don't.

[Emilycox]

I know I could always just WAIT to fall in love, but I'm finding it hard to wait I'm not going to make any rash decisions one way or the other. I know that this is a lot bigger deal than the minor sexual things I've done so far--blow and hand jobs.

[Koharuchan]

I'm not gonna lie here. Yes, I think it is crazy.

I agree completely with Shannon and the others. This is not a good idea. Don't do something you'll end up regretting later.

Sex is something very special and you should do it with the person you love. Especially since you're a virgin...do you really want some 40 year old guy in your neighborhood to be the one to take your virginity? Wait, and have a real relationship with someone before you decide to have sex.

In my opinion, sex is the most intimate and special physical expression of the love you have for the one you're doing it with. You don't love this man, you just want to have sex with someone you think is experienced. Don't have sex with some random guy just for the sake of having sex. I think you'll regret it a lot down the road.

[Chris.]

I know its hard to wait - but when you do find someone you love, then you will be happy you kept your virginity for him.

In a situation like this - you need to think about the pros and cons. What will you be getting from doing this with this guy? What will you get if you wait? Do you really want to loose your virginity with a guy you have no romantic feelings for? Is it worth it to wait for someone you love and care about?

Pros of having sex with him:
-Releasing sexual pleasure.
-more experience?

Cons:
-Why waste 'it' with a 40 year old guy?
-No romantic connection
-Possible deceases (You don't know where he's been)


You really need to sit down and think about this. Waiting sucks - I know. But you have to think about the aftermath - will it be worth it? Thats a question only you can answer. In my opinion, it will be worth it.


Best wishes,
Chris

[Angel]

Originally Posted by Emilycox

I know I could always just WAIT to fall in love, but I'm finding it hard to wait I'm not going to make any rash decisions one way or the other. I know that this is a lot bigger deal than the minor sexual things I've done so far--blow and hand jobs.

I don't think it's crazy. It's understandable that you'd want someone experienced for your first time. You're eighteen now and you are allowed to have sex for whatever reason you choose.

If you ideally want to wait to find someone you love, you should hold off. There's absolutely no rule to say that you must wait to lose your virginity to someone you love, but some people make it so. Some people put more value into their virginity more than others. If you're not one to get sentimental or want to wait for someone you love, there's little stopping you.

Things are what you make of it.

[Jennyjenn1]

If you were in love then this be different. Age is just a number but it can be a huge gap to over come.

If its just an experiment then someone you trust is the right idea but there must be a friend your own age. That is if your dead set on doing it. Otherwise I'd wait till you have stronger feelings for someone.

Trying things out later on is one thing but you only get 1 first time so make sure its what you want.

When you say from behind do you mean anal? or do you mean thats the only position your open to trying for this experiment? Your own comfort is important as good as that position is maybe its also cause you rather no look him in the eye as you do it?

Of course I could be looking way to much into it too.

[Emilycox]

Originally Posted by Jennyjenn1

When you say from behind do you mean anal? or do you mean thats the only position your open to trying for this experiment? Your own comfort is important as good as that position is maybe its also cause you rather no look him in the eye as you do it?

Of course I could be looking way to much into it too.

I don't mean anal. It's still vaginal, just with me kneeling and him behind. I don't want face to face because I want to concentrate on the feeling and not worry about how my face looks. I don't want to be distracted.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Emilycox

I don't mean anal. It's still vaginal, just with me kneeling and him behind. I don't want face to face because I want to concentrate on the feeling and not worry about how my face looks. I don't want to be distracted.

That position may cause more discomfort than others though, which is something to consider. You may have to do it in a position where you are facing each other, but you can always just close your eyes or turn off the lights.

[Jennyjenn1]

Originally Posted by Melody

That position may cause more discomfort than others though, which is something to consider. You may have to do it in a position where you are facing each other, but you can always just close your eyes or turn off the lights.

I don't have much experience with males but from what I have had I never felt that position was uncomfortable.

Just make sure your very aroused and that this is who you want.

If you have never been penetrated before I'd even recommend practice on your own time before making the attempt with someone else to help your body adjust.

[Emilycox]

Originally Posted by Jennyjenn1

I don't have much experience with males but from what I have had I never felt that position was uncomfortable.

Just make sure your very aroused and that this is who you want.

If you have never been penetrated before I'd even recommend practice on your own time before making the attempt with someone else to help your body adjust.

I've also thought of having him lie on his back and I would sit on top. I could lower myself down at a rate that is comfortable and control the depth. Also I would be the one moving so I could control the speed too.

[Jennyjenn1]

You could do that if you want to control how much is inside of you but at same time your in control so there is alot more pressure on yourself to make it work.

[Emilycox]

Originally Posted by Jennyjenn1

You could do that if you want to control how much is inside of you but at same time your in control so there is alot more pressure on yourself to make it work.

Yeah true. I may be better off letting him control to make sure it works to get me to orgasm.

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by Emilycox

Yeah true. I may be better off letting him control to make sure it works to get me to orgasm.

A lot of women can't achieve orgasm through sex alone. There usually has to be a lot of foreplay involved like fingering and such for you to achieve orgasm.

[MacGuffin]

A lot of people have told you this is a crazy idea, and that sex should be between two people who love each other, etc. etc. I want to make sure you know that these are people's opinions and should not necessarily dictate what you do. What they feel is right may not necessarily be what is right for you.

The fact is, as long as you are of legal age there is nothing wrong with having sex with someone of an older age. However, I do suggest you make sure this is what you want, and I am really glad this man is responsible enough to understand that and is encouraging you to take a month and think about it. If time goes by and you decide this is what you really want, by all means, go for it. But I do like the suggestion of making a pros and cons list, etc. It may help to to see your thoughts on paper and make a decision from there. You have to decide what an experiment is worth to you. In truth do you really want to save your virginity for someone you love, but are impatient about it? If so, it may be best to wait so you don't regret your decision. Is losing your virginity right now to this person acceptable to your values and you do want to do it? Than go for it and have fun.

If you do decide to have sex with him, just be sure you are prepared. Like others have said, if you wait a month or two you should still use condoms just to be safe. It will further diminish the risk of pregnancy, and you should be using them anyway. Even if his sexual history proves clean, it is always best to use condoms with partners unless you are in a committed monogamous relationship.

As for positions, losing your virginity is most likely going to hurt no matter how you do it. I would not suggest doggy style; that usually isn't a good position for first timers. I personally found it the simpler, the better. Missionary position and Woman-on-Top both have their merits, so I would experiment and find which you like better. You can always switch positions of one doesn't work for you or hurts too much.

It will be easier if you engage in foreplay and use lube your first time, but it isn't required or anything. Just be sure you are relaxed and prepared, and have fun.

Keep in mind not to expect an orgasm from intercourse alone, especially the first time. It's most likely not going to happen, so do not be disappointed if it doesn't. It takes time and practice to get that right, and it doesn't even happen at all for some women. Just have fun, without any pressure. You'll probably find it much more enjoyable that way than if you are stressed over the whole thing.

[SarSar91]

I personally think you should wait until you in a romantic relationship When I was 16 I nearly went ahead and lost my (V-plates) to someone I didn't love...I trusted them and I knew he wouldn't have hurt me but also I knew he just wanted to do it with me because I was a Virgin and young so I didn't do it and I'm glad I did

I lost my virginity when I was 18 to a older man (he was 28 at the time) but I loved him and and still with him now.
So really age isn't really the issue it's the fact that you are willing to lose your virginity to someone you don't love and I think you'll regret it when do you meet that special someone.

However there are some upside but i don't think i can post them here