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SM13 Offline
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Pictures?? - March 10th 2012, 12:31 AM

I'm just wondering if sending nude/scantally clad pictures makes a girl a slut. I've had this problem w my ex while we were dating and now again with him because when he gets really horny he txts me and gets me to send him pics or he calls me or skypes me. And well I really regret doing that with him while we were dating and now that we have been broken up for 8 or 9 months. He says there's no way we will get back together. I guess I'm pathetic but I keep holding onto the hope that if I give him what he wants and help him get off that he will love me again. I know that's not a good idea but I just can't help it. Im so lonely and that one hour every few days makes me feel beautiful and wanted but then after I feel like a slut and like complete shit. There was this other guy also that I did pics with a few times and I regret that also. I know that I prob sound really loose right now but I'm really not like that it's just I've been so depressed for a few years and idk what to do. This is the only way I feel loved and attractive and appreciated. It's kinda like my cutting: a quick fix that makes everything a whole lot worse and idk how to handle it or even if I should try to stop. I just get totally carried away when I'm in the moment and he's asking me and trying to get me horny and stuff. I'm also petrified that my parents will find out (I'm in high school still). Please any response or advice or help from guys or girls would be much appreciated.
   
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Re: Pictures?? - March 10th 2012, 01:02 AM

Love can cloud our judgement, and while it might be euphoric to send those photo's to your ex, and to the other guy you mentioned, you are just setting yourself for more heartbreak, and even worse, potential humiliation. One thing you have to realize AND remember is: once those pictures leave your "hands" (when I say hands, I mean phone), they are no longer considered yours. Once those photo's are in the possession of the people you send them to, they are theirs. And, theirs to do whatever they want with them. Your ex or this other guy could be or could have sent those photo's to other people, to the internet and porn websites. Is that something you really want? You need to have a sense of will to stop sending those messages whenever asked, especially because you aren't in a relationship with either of those two people. Can you trust that they won't send those photo's to other people, or send them to unwanted websites on the internet? At this point, I don't think so since they ask in such frequency.

I'll use a friend as an example, though her situation is a bit different. A friend of mine, L, met this guy and began a relationship with him. During their relationship, he'd use her cell phone and take pictures of himself...down there. He'd send those pictures to another girl, a girl who wasn't yet of age. She was only 16 years old, and both my friend AND her boyfriend were charged with distribution of child of pornography to a minor. I know you're over age, but that doesn't mean once those pictures leave your possession that your ex and this other guy are keeping them to themselves. You REALLY need to think about things here before going any further.











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Re: Pictures?? - March 10th 2012, 01:08 AM

I actually know exactly how you feel. I have done the exact same thing as you with multiple guys. I went through a dark stage for about a year and it made me feel like I was wanted because in reality no one really liked me, my dad wasn't happy with the way I was and my family just didn't seem all that supportive of me. I got busted by my parents doing it and let me tell you it is the most embarrassing thing to happen and your lucky that you haven't been busted. It is so hard to explain it to parents as to why you do it, the words just all get choked up inside. I have been busted twice for doing it and once for just sending sexual texts, and I don't know what it is but I actually feel violated more by my parents finding out then sending a picture like that. I know the consequence but I still did it and afterwards I hated myself for it. I have had a total wake up call from it a month ago. The only thing I can suggest that I am in the process of doing is finding a counsellor you trust who you can talk to about the problem and delete every person who you have sent photos to and one's that have asked.
Feel free to PM me about this, I know how you feel. We can get through it together.


   
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Re: Pictures?? - March 10th 2012, 03:30 PM

(guy perspective, hooo!)

It's not slutty or anything if the guy is yo' boyfraaaand. But, Don't do it if he asks.

Like, I'unno. You're above 18, so you can't get in to much trouble (As long as the boy is also over 18), but let me string you a yarn real quick.

I know this chicka who sent nudes to her girlfriend, and then her dad found out, and she hated the girlfriend, so he sent the pictures to her parents, her school, and her work.

So, just be careful.
   
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Re: Pictures?? - March 11th 2012, 01:55 AM

So when we started me and my ex were 17 and 16. But now I'm 18 and he's 17. My friend and I were 17 and 19 but now are 18 and 19. Could I get in trouble for any of that? Could either of them get in trouble legally too??
   
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Re: Pictures?? - March 11th 2012, 07:24 AM

Okay first, the word "slut". I don't like that word. It is too overly-used and rarely describe girls, if at all. I know, for sure, you aren't a slut hun. It's okay, a lot of girls (including myself) want attention, and sometimes during our insecure moments, we seek it wrong.

This one author described the word "slut" amazingly well.
Quote:
Slut-bashing– as I call it–is one issue that affects every single female who grows up in this country because any preteen or teenage girl can become a target. “Slut” is a pervasive insult applied to a broad spectrum of American adolescent girls, from the girl who brags about her one-night stands to the girl who has never even kissed a boy to the girl who has been raped. Some girls are made fun of because they appear to have a casual attitude about sex (even if, in reality, they are no more sexual than their peers). Many others are picked on because they stand out in some way–being an early developer, new in school, an ethnic or class minority, overweight, or just considered “weird” for whatever reason. Some are called “sluts” because other girls dislike over envy them, and spread a sexual rumor as a form of revenge. While a girl can almost instantly acquire a “slut” reputation as a result of one well-placed rumor, it takes months, if not years, for the reputation to evaporate–if it does at all.
[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation, p. xv.]
taken from this article on slut-shaming: http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress....-slut-shaming/

You aren't a slut. Don't let anyone else tell that either.

It's your body and you can use it any way you want, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. Now, I recommend maybe you should stop with the skyping and nudes pics for now because it might be unhealthy for you (although it's still your decision overall). It sounds like these boys aren't properly appreciating you and I personally think they do not deserve the attention you are giving them. Make them work a little bit. You definitely deserve better treatment. (hug)

Now with you or them getting into trouble, I guess it really depends on where you live. I know in the United States and in certain states, the rules on sexting are different. I'm pretty sure in all states, anyone under the age 18 in a nude pic is considered child porn. Now, if you text that person yourself, that person at a reasonable age can have it, but if they pass it on, they could get in trouble for passing child porn. That includes if you are older now, but in the picture you were 17 or younger. There's probably more rules/ect but it really depends on where you live.

Here's a site that shows all the state's sexting laws. Just scroll down until you find your state
http://im.about.com/od/sexting/Unite...xting_Laws.htm

If you don't live in the US, can you share what country you live in so I can help you find information on the laws there?

I hope everything works out for you! I hope you feel better too! I know you are an absolutely beautiful intelligent young lady that has so much potential in the world. Just watch, you will knock off the socks of a boy that properly deserves you. Don't let those fools use you, okay? You are pretty. You aren't a slut. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise (hug) . If you have any more questions, let me know!




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Re: Pictures?? - March 11th 2012, 12:20 PM

Raining Glitter,
Thank you so much. Your post helped a lot. I live in the united states so I'll check out that link you gave me I'm not a big fan of the word slut either but I used it cuz I feel like dirty or something. I developed early (bra by third grade) and was always made fun of for it. At my school I'm considered somewhat of a "loser". I guess I'm just desperate to be loved. Especially after a bad breakup w my ex in September (which I sadly am not over) I guess I'm hoping that if I send him stuff like that and skype that he will love me again. Is that being stupid on my part?
   
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Re: Pictures?? - March 11th 2012, 01:21 PM

It's not stupid, however, it isn't rational. You can't give in every time someone asks you to do something. It's okay to say no! With these pictures, it can be very misleading, and sending them isn't going to want him to come back.











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Re: Pictures?? - March 12th 2012, 02:30 AM

Okay, the subject of nude pictures. This is how I view it: I think it's okay if you're dating the person and you feel comfortable doing it. I personally would never send nudes to somebody I wasn't dating. That being said, this is all your choice. Just be careful.

Personally, my previous boyfriends did ask me for nudes, but I was always very uncomfortable with the idea. I refused, and 2 of those boyfriends really kept at it, trying to convince me. The ONLY boy I have ever sent nudes to is my current boyfriend, and that's a rare occasion.


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Re: Pictures?? - March 14th 2012, 03:13 AM

No, sending nude pictures doesn't make you a slut.

But your ex is using you. He basically wants to just jerk off to your body without actually being in a relationship with you, so it's all gain and no drama for him.

He won't get back together with you, and you are letting yourself demean your own worth. I would recommend not sending the pictures anymore, not making yourself available to him all the time, and being with friends and other who help you feel worthWHILE, not worthLESS.


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Re: Pictures?? - March 14th 2012, 07:06 AM

Read what Raining Glitter said, like ten times, and then I'll say my response. I basically agree with eveyrthing she said, I'm just going to add on a bit.

What you're doing is dangerous, with high consequences. These pictures can get on the internet, in others' hands, ext, and you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. Whether or not it is legal in your state doesn't matter for what I'm going to say. I think that if you and your partner are two adults, texting a dirty photo is not a big deal, I think many of us on this site have done so. But doing it for personal gratification and a boost to a very low self esteem because of a bad break up? Not good. I want you to think about your body, and think about the future. He's obviously not worth your beautiful body if he was stupid enough to break up with you. So save your body for somebody who deserves it. It's your choice, and if it is legal in your state, do what you please. But in my opinion, I don't think this is something to further your self esteem. I think you should see a counselor if you do not think you can stop, and find a new way to cope with these break-up feeling.



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Re: Pictures?? - March 14th 2012, 07:41 PM

I don't see why sending nude pictures of you to someone makes you a slut... Though I think that sending those photos just to boost your self esteem is not the best way to do feel better... Especially if you are doing that to please whoever that guy is as well.
You have to think of yourself first. Do you really want to be with a guy that only will like you if you send him nude pictures...? Pictures, that by the way, can end up in the internet? He could use those pics to hurt you.
That said, there's really nothing wrong with sending pics, but the consequences can be too harsh...
Try seeking help or talking to someone older that you trust. Perhaps it will help
   
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