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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 07:05 AM

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Ok so i was one of those 16 and never been kissed girls, mummys little angel?
anyway I got a bf who was much the same and we were kind of awkward together so we never got any further than kissing. woo first kiss and it was horrible i must say lol.
But anyway whilst i was still dating him, i met this guy, (we'll call him John) in town who is an ABSOLUTE player, he has quite a reputation and now that i can look back at things, i should have seen it within the first 5 minutes of meeting him. Its so obvious the way he approached me etc etc. he asked me various questions such as whether i was a virgin, and when i said yes, his face lit up with excitement, he knew he was in for some fun.
He convinced me to go behind my boyfriends back and make out with him etc . (in some randoms backyard.. the shame ) haha.
We then realised that night whilst talking that he was one of my close guy friends cousins !! AWKWARDD. the next night the close guy friend was at johns and asked me to come and see them. due to extremely strict parents i wasnt allowed, so instead they stupidly walked the whole 5 kilometres to my house in the dark. So long story short, he convinced me to cheat on my bf and lose my virginity to him.
so i broke up with my bf out of guilt and continued to sleep with john*. Then we had a fight about some stuff and stopped talking. my guy friend (his cousin) and his gf jsut broke up and he was on the rebound. We got together, but not for long. we didnt do anything but just make out. But when i told John* he came out and met me again and convinced me to sleep with him and cheat on his own cousin! haha.
so me and his cosin broke up, and now me and John* are total fuckbuddies. i keep finding myself walking to his house just to get some. Ive continuosly told myself and him that im not doing this anymore because i always leave embarrased and annoyed. Plus, its cold and dark, the walk home is scary and it sucks. so why do i keep going back? He did certain things such as apologize to me when weve had major fights, he never apologizes to girls, he usually just moves on.
main question is.. do u think its ok to keep seeing him even though its making me extremely confused and its nothing more than fuck buddies.? what should i think of this? and does this make me sound like a real horrible person? i know i cheated on 2 people and that makes me look bad, but hes just so pushy and knows how to get what he wants .. in a sexy way
   
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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 08:24 AM

I think you just need to ask yourself what you think is right. Despite what he did, it's still your choice to say no. I'm not saying your a bad person, I'm saying you need to seriously evaluate the things you've done and determine whether or not YOU believe it's okay.


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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 12:24 PM

I agree with Thomas. Fuck buddies canbe fun, but when relationships and emotions get pulled in and broken up because of it, it makes it a lot harder not to have any emotional side to things.

You need to look at how this is , and how it's going to affect you now and in the long run. Also, you need to decide for yourself (as stated above) whether you think it's right for YOU.

Best wishes xx


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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 01:39 PM

It's completely your decision to make. If you're not looking for a serious relationship, that's fine But do make sure your emotions don't get too involved, because you could get hurt.
   
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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 06:51 PM

Recreational sex, huh? At the very least, your story lacks a sense of maturity. There's not much thought that went into this decision, it just sorta happened.

Everyone has to make choices about how they determine who they share themselves with. Two things here to keep in mind. First, what starts out as 'fun' or 'curious' can very quickly become a habit and a lifestyle choice. Ask yourself if that's what you want for yourself here.

The second thing..and perhaps the most important..is that you have misgivings about your behavior, but in spite of that, you continue. That's not such a good thing. It's one thing to acknowledge that you want pure, unadulterated recreational sex...sex without much emotional intimacy...but it's quite another to do this and then feel regret or remorse...and go back for more. That suggests there's some conflict, at the very least, over your inability to control some impulse that you're not quite comfortable with.

You might want to reevaluate how you see yourself and others, and what you want and need for yourself before continuing. Regardless of what that (or any other choice, ftm) is, it should come from some reason and awareness, not pure urge.


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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 18th 2012, 07:27 PM

I don't think I can really answer you because I can't tell you if it's "ok" or not. You're the one that has to come to terms with your actions and decide if you have the commitment to end it. You're the one that needs to decide if your behaviour has been right or wrong for you - it would unquestionably be wrong for me, however. And honestly I get the feeling that you're trying to make yourself feel better about the decisions you've made, so maybe you know how you stand on it anyway.

I do want to say one thing about this:
"He did certain things such as apologize to me when weve had major fights, he never apologizes to girls, he usually just moves on.
...... what should i think of this?"
Yeah, so that sounds like textbook manipulation. He's making you feel 'special' or 'different from the other girls' by apologizing to keep you coming back for more. It's bullshit, don't fall for it - you aren't special to him. He doesn't sound like a guy that will ever commit and if that's what you want or need from a partner I would back off ASAP. And even if he said he would, he clearly has no respect for any form of relationship.... there's no base to build ANY form of trust on. In fact, on that note, I'm really questioning if you've been tested for STIs because I guarantee a guy like that is fucking around without caring what he's picking up. I'd be really careful if you decide to continue sleeping with him...
   
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Re: Should i Stop? sorry for the length of text - March 19th 2012, 06:58 AM

Alright, going to answer all your questions.

So why do i keep going back?
That's something really only you can answer. Good sex? You really just like something about him? It's your own answer to this. If you are really not sure, feel free to reply and give more info, and I"d be glad to give you more advice about why I think you may like him, but at this point, I think it's your answer.

Do u think its ok to keep seeing him even though its making me extremely confused and its nothing more than fuck buddies.?
The fact that you said that you felt embarassed and shameful makes me think no. That is just my opinion. If you are happy in this relationship, and want to continue just being friends with benefits, then I don't see anything wrong with it. But really, is it making you happy?

What should i think of this?
Whatever the answer to the previous question is depends on this one. If you decide to stay with him, don't get into any relationships until you officially decide to break it off. You do not need to hurt anymore people. Either that, or let them know that you will not be faithful. Some people are okay with that, it depends on the type of relationship you would like to pursue in the future. If you decide to break it off, you need to talk to him, a good long talk about what you guys need to do. You may need to end the friendship if you do not think you can help yourselves any longer.

And does this make me sound like a real horrible person?
NO. Yes, you cheated on your partners. But in the end, we have all made mistakes in our life. Don't let these mistakes hurt the way you view yourself. You're young, you have hormones, we all have moments we're not proud of. Rather than look at yourself so harshly, let these mistakes be lessons for you and move on.

Good luck!


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