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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
heather_tate19 Offline
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How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 01:55 PM

when dating someone new, how long do you guys/girls usually wait before being sexually active with them? (this includes oral, intercourse,...,etc)
   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 03:19 PM

Short answer: Depends.

Long version:
How are you measuring "How long?" -> number of dates? length of time you've known them? For instance - Person A I go out with for two weeks and in that time we go on six or seven dates because we're giddy about each other and then have sex, but with Person B I see twice for 1 full day each in again two weeks because we live far away from each other..... do you see those differently? Are they the same because I waited two weeks in both cases? Or did I technically wait "longer" with Person A because I had more exposure to them and more time to get to know them? So that's one thought I have about it. Fyi, both situations hold true for me at different points in my sex life.

Another is - what age are you talking about? Because over the past few years I've tended to wait shorter and shorter time periods as sexuality became something I was more comfortable with (then again it could go the other way as you learn respect for your sexual well being).

One thing that does hold true for me (generally speaking) is that if I'm *dating* someone (as opposed to taking them home for the night) and see it going anywhere emotionally, I will not have sex with them the first night we spend together (note I'm not even saying the first date, just the first time we sleep together). Exploring our bodies in other ways is fine, and it gives me time to talk more to them about expectations and likes and dislikes and contraception and that kind of shit that you usually need to get out of the way.

But beyond that, it's been up to two months I think. I think that would probably be way too long for me to manage now (unless my partner really needed that time to get comfortable), and you're looking at more like a couple days of getting to know each other (whether that's spread out or not).
   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 03:37 PM

It really depends on a lot of different factors.

For me, I usually wait at least one month before starting to get sexual, with things like foreplay. I usually wait about two months before we actually have sex. However, again it really depends. Like with my current boyfriend, it only took us about 3 weeks to start having sex. This was primarily because I had known him and was very close to him for two years before we got together, and because we'd both had very strong feelings for each other for a long time. I've now been with him for going on 5 months, and I don't regret it at all.

However, you should be careful about when you have sex. Only do it if you're sure you're ready, and don't let anyone pressure you into doing it.


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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 04:22 PM

To put it simply - until the time is right. It's not something to rush in to, wait until both yourself and your partner feel it the right time, and take precautions such as birth control. Communicate throughout, though, it's a good way to get to know each other, and when you are ready to take a further step. There's no 'definite' answer, I can't say that in two weeks it's time for oral, and in five it's time for intercourse! It's down to you and them!
   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 05:09 PM

It honeslty depends on the two people. When they both feel comfortable and are ready then they can go ahead and do it. I normally wait until im comfortable with the person and that i know he isn't using me before I get into it. So it all depends if thats something you and your partner want then talk about it but if one of you doesn't want it, don't push it.


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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 05:13 PM

I think, like other people have said, it's all about waiting until you and your partner are ready. You should never let yourself be pressurized by friends who talk about having sex on the third date, or who say you're a prude if you haven't done anything sexual with your partner.

I think you should make sure you both know each other, and what you each want from the relationship, and trust each other implicitly before you have any sexual relations. Just my view



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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 05:39 PM

For me it really honestly depends on the person. If we've been friends for a while and then got together, it would happen a lot sooner because we'd already be comfortable with one another. But if we just met and started out dating, it would take a lot longer because we'd be getting to know each other. It could be as simple as the first night, or a couple months later. Either way, if we're both feeling it, it's going to happen & I'm not going to feel bad about it. =)




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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 05:54 PM

A couple of hours. But seriously, it depends on the girl and when she's comfortable. Generally speaking I'm comfortable with having sex almost immediately, so she gets to set the pace. However, I wouldn't get into an exclusive relationship with someone that hasn't already had sex with me. That's just asking for trouble.



   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 06:00 PM

Simple: when I feel ready.
I don't have a time limit, I go by my comfort zone. If I'm not comfortable with something, I'm not gonna do it. If I do, then I will.
   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 27th 2012, 07:19 PM

It totally depends on the couple. For my first boyfriend, we waited like 9 months since we were both virgins. However with my last boyfriend, we only waited a few weeks. It's whatever is comfortable for both people.
   
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Re: How long do you wait? - March 28th 2012, 03:49 AM

It depends on when it feels right for me as well. Its usually around a couple weeks to a month.


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Re: How long do you wait? - March 28th 2012, 04:23 AM

It completely depends on the couple, and who's more comfortable with what. There is this generalization that men are ready before women. Wrong. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and I have known men who have waited longer than most of the woman I know.

For me personally, with my first serious boyfriend, I waited two months. I wasn't quite comfortable with him until that point in the relationship, and I was ready to take such a big step in my life. With my current boyfriend, I waited two weeks. We had been intimate before (crazy night, no need for details), so it wasn't as scary as it was the first time around. I wasn't "new" to the sex scene by that point. As far as others, there aren't any. I've only been with the two people I've mentioned above. It just depends on how comfortable I am, how comfortable they are, and if we have lines drawn.











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Re: How long do you wait? - March 28th 2012, 04:46 AM

It depends. My current partner and I waited...2 1/2 years. We started dating very young, and overall were too immature and busy to really figure things out til later. We waited until we were ready, and it was perfect. If somehow we were to not be together, I wouldn't wait as long since I am older, it would depend on the relationship. There is no "right time," it depends on the person, your age, and what you are looking for in the relationship.


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Re: How long do you wait? - March 28th 2012, 05:32 AM

Wait as long as YOU want to wait and don't do it a second sooner. And please, please, please use birth control and practice safe sex. You do not want to be a teenage parent.


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Re: How long do you wait? - March 29th 2012, 12:22 AM

Generally speaking I don't wait very long if I am comfortable with the person and we are both comfortable going forward. I've engaged in sexual activities on the first date, or, in most of my relationship cases, I've actually been sexually involved with someone before dating.


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