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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Things that frustrate me - March 27th 2012, 09:48 PM

You know how the majority of people (or at least it seems that way to me?) learn about sex by..well, having sex. They are clueless about just how deep (sorry for the pun) it really is.

This is where I digress for 75% of the thread, giving you background on my thoughts. Many view this portion of the thread should never have existed, because in the mind of normal people they naturally know how to lazily explain themselves in a way that doesn't make them have to re-explain their views. Well i'm not like that.
// Begin of digression
When I say deep (-snicker- Sorry.) I mean how complex and how demanding it is to actually satisfy your partner. For the most part it's us men who get the burden of having to satisfy their more physically demanding partner (the female) I am of course presuming the couple are heterosexual. This isn't an attempt to disrespect gays or bi's, it's just to make my explanation and examples simpler to see and view.

I mean there's the various locations on a womans' body that are sensitive to touch, and trigger a physical response. There is more than one way to make a woman orgasm. There's also the issue of most men lasting what... 5-7 minutes. If they're lucky.
How long do women last? From the numbers i've seen it averages around 20 minutes.

so we're forced to figure out how to prolong the inevitable point of 'O' a.k.a orgasm. So we use techniques, oral, etc to keep the woman's engine going while not having us run out of gas.

The next issue is all of the emotional and mental relationship connections we have to wage a war with. Most guys are logical. Most woman can lack this sense of logic at times in their life (I'm not dissing you ladies out there. It's absolute truth at times.). The story about guys aging mentally 4 years behind women is complete bullshit. Or at least that is my experience with the issue. considering I have yet to find A WOMAN mature enough for me to consider courting let alone a teenager my age that is capable of spelling her name let alone making mature decisions in her life. I understand this is a very offensive exaggeration of the female teenager mind, but it is honestly the most accurate way I can describe it.

//End of digression

So what frustrates me is how little people who are entering the 'sex world' know about the act of sex. Heck they're lucky to know about STI's and STD's let alone what an orgasm is or how to achieve it. A person I know (who used to be a friend of mine) has had sex a ludicrous amount of times more than me(I'm at 0. He's at 20-ish?), yet he believes men cannot have sex after an orgasm (through his experience) and he also believes the average male lasts 1-2 minutes, which is clearly an ignorant number fetched from his own experiences.
I feel sorry for the women, or in his case: girls, he ends up with.
On top of this he believes giving oral is gross, yet receiving oral is great. Sound like a stereotypical male to you? Did I mention he doesn't cook his own food? Oh yeah. Mother gives him money? Check.

What do I get for making responsible decisions and logical choices and sometimes cook for my family (or at the least for myself)?
Nothing.
No relationship.

In fact it's typically the opposite. Females in general can't stand the idea of even dating me, yet they would flop all over my ex-friend like he's made of money.

Perhaps the people here can explain to me the logical methods used by women to find a trustworthy mate. Because from what i've seen every time, it is not logical and usually ends up with them disappointed because their 'mate' is essentially a person who has an adults' body with a childs' mind.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 27th 2012, 10:18 PM

I just want to point out that you are absolutely generalising what you view as the absolute truth about women to ALL women. I'd just like to inform you that most women are not like that at all.


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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 27th 2012, 10:46 PM

I don't even know where to start. I find these generalizations so incredibly offensive. What exactly is your point here? Should women feel guilty because it takes more for us to orgasm? Or are you trying to tell us you're far more mature than anyone else? As Megan said you are very much so generalizing. There have been studies that have shown a majority of men take long to mature than females mentally, while men are faster to physically mature.
http://www.boldsky.com/relationship/...-vs-women.html
It is very possible that you just have bad luck with women.
I can't speak for all women but what logical reasoning I have for choosing the 'mate' I've chosen has worlds to do with personality and traits more than his actual physical appearance. Needless to say his attractiveness is just a bonus really.
Qualities I look for include someone who will watch out and protect me, as much as I take care of him, someone who will treat me equally and who can understand and respect all boundaries, also someone who makes me laugh and I know I can trust not to hurt me. Sexually, as long as he appreciates me, and my effort to make sure he is always satisfied on my own will, I don't really think it matters. As any woman I don't want to be treated as if I am meat, I'm incredibly lucky as my guy tends to be more selfless most time than not and LIKES to focus on me.

Now I have no idea if this answers the last bit, but it is an attempt.


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It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 27th 2012, 11:18 PM

I don't get what's so offensive... Care to explain? Cuz I think you guys just completely took it the wrong way and got defensive for no reason.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 12:47 AM

I'm not guilting anyone about anything.

What i'm asking is why on earth do many (if not most) women choose to find a mate in the most primal and inefficient manner?

Step 1: Looks (don't deny it. If they weren't at least passable with their looks you wouldn't show any interest in pursuing a conversation on your own will. Now if you HAVE to work with them and bond a friendship etc that's another story.)
Step 2: Trust/Confidence
If you don't feel one of those glowing from the guy, you have no interest in him.
Guess what? no confidence means the guy realizes how terribly retarded he is and he spends all day trekking through information to not be as stupid as he is. What are most men? Stupid and confident.
Trust?
Please. I don't think I even need to explain why trust is a feeble thing to rely or judge someone on. You can never trust anyone.

I could go on but it's really a simple thing i'm asking.

Why is it most women choose a poor method to find and bond with mates? I'm saying this through my experience because i've helped thousands of people and i've watched thousands more. It isn't from some statistical site, it's from years of watching and experiencing.

You want evidence? Just listen to married men talk about their wives. If you listen to them and conceptualize the meaning behind it, it's quite astonishing what it means. To break it down: Long term relationships are unrealistic goals set by people who will eventually disappoint themselves.

Yes, there are exceptions for everything. Just expect 50%+ (this is an actual fact, for once) to not meet their goal.


I can't grasp why what i've said is offensive. If it is offensive it is only because it is in general true. If there are exceptions to what i've said, whether it's 10% of the population or 40%, there's no reason to be offended because I took it into account before posting this thread.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 12:57 AM

Now that you've explain yourself more clearly, no it's not particularly offensive. However as humans we are entitled to feel what we feel. A misunderstanding sure.

As for why woman use such a primal method, do you really need to ask? It's primal. Through evolution women and men choose each other based on body and the ability to either bring up a child, or provide and protect. That's just the way it is. They are natural instincts we can't necessarily control.


And yes, looks ARE somewhat important, but that does not make what I said before any less true considering I hadn't seen a picture of my boyfriend for at least 2-3 weeks after I had started getting close with him.

Edit: Reading this through a second time I realize I may have sounded rude in a way I didn't intend. It's fine that you ask, but honestly no one can control who they are attracted to. (That was basically my point.)


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 01:10 AM

The topic of being 'offended' is an interesting one as well. I for one have NEVER been offended in my life. I think some people get offended because they are high on their horse about something and they shouldn't be at that point about that subject.

In the end it's always the person who has been offended who needs to change their attitude etc. I consider it an unhealthy habit to be so close minded on something to be offended from it. If you do not expect such words from someone then I would suggest seeing the other side of the world.

It's hard to explain things because my mind is in constant turmoil. Always arguing with the truths of everything. I cannot have an opinion of my own because i'll disown it the moment I state it. Things i've said days ago I probably only take half seriously now.

While it's nice having a global opinion on everything it's also a terrible curse. Imagine three tables in my mind and one is white, black, and grey. All of them are exchanging members constantly and in the end none of them win because they are all correct.

Another problem with this is I don't have as much time to educate myself thoroughly about the subject because I cannot handle spending that much time on every 'side'

How in the world can I extract an opinion from one of them if they are all correct? Generally you can say the grey table is in general more accurately correct, but it is also blocking out information that may be a big deal. The sweatshops in china are only the icing on the entire cake of corruption. I can't even begin to fathom all of the things that happen behind the media's back. It's truly both a beautiful and disgusting world we live in.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 01:19 AM

For a while I was attracted to one of my friends because for some reason I find smarts a turn on and being able to have an intelligent conversation is an absolute must. He isn't particularly good looking but I was still attracted to him because of his personality and smarts (even tho people made fun of me when they found out cuz he's kinda nerdy which I am too and he isn't at all the type that girls go for). So I guess we can be primal but also can be logical.

But I think you need to take into consideration that yes girls can be very primal but the same thing can be said for guys. There's the old "would you still like me if I was ugly" question. I know ive gotten "if you were ugly no I wouldn't like/want you". I think girls and guys can both be primal about their "mate" but alsoto each his own. Different people are attracted to different qualities or personality/physical types. Eventually I think it should even out with people finding the right person for them.

Oh and by the way I did not find your original post offensive at all. I understand what you mean, but also think that there is another side to the story as ive said above. I hope this helps whatever you are looking for. if you ever need anything feel free to PM me.

Best Wishes!
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 01:35 AM

As much as I don't agree with every generalization you made...I really like your presence on this site. I'm a psychology major who wants to have a focus on sexuality, and I really love it when people talk about issues surrounding sexuality, so...thank you!

I do think that you're making very large generalizations that are very black and white. As you admitted, this does not include homosexuals, nor does it even acknowledge the exist of the trans* community, so I think these are not completely accurate assumptions in that way. Second, I'm wondering what your background experience with women is, if you don't mind me asking. My partner and I did not have this "primal" experience of attraction, we took a long time getting to know each other as friends before I ever even developed feelings. And even if we did, I'm not completely seeing why it's primitive. What is the first thing you notice about somebody? Their looks. Then you pursue them. And as human beings, we want to feel belonging, and trust is part of that. So I'm not sure where you're going. And most men are stupid and confident? I'm not sure we're from the same planet, since most men I know are kind, mean well, and want to be confident but have their own insecurities as well.

But I really do like that you're thinking about the topic of sexuality, along with making a statement of the completely lack of education people have about sex before they jump right in the sack. I do sexual health education, and many of the people I work with had sex much before I ever did before even knowing how their reproductive systems work. It's terrifying.



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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 02:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dervisher View Post
The topic of being 'offended' is an interesting one as well. I for one have NEVER been offended in my life. I think some people get offended because they are high on their horse about something and they shouldn't be at that point about that subject.

In the end it's always the person who has been offended who needs to change their attitude etc. I consider it an unhealthy habit to be so close minded on something to be offended from it. If you do not expect such words from someone then I would suggest seeing the other side of the world.

It's hard to explain things because my mind is in constant turmoil. Always arguing with the truths of everything. I cannot have an opinion of my own because i'll disown it the moment I state it. Things i've said days ago I probably only take half seriously now.

While it's nice having a global opinion on everything it's also a terrible curse. Imagine three tables in my mind and one is white, black, and grey. All of them are exchanging members constantly and in the end none of them win because they are all correct.

Another problem with this is I don't have as much time to educate myself thoroughly about the subject because I cannot handle spending that much time on every 'side'

How in the world can I extract an opinion from one of them if they are all correct? Generally you can say the grey table is in general more accurately correct, but it is also blocking out information that may be a big deal. The sweatshops in china are only the icing on the entire cake of corruption. I can't even begin to fathom all of the things that happen behind the media's back. It's truly both a beautiful and disgusting world we live in.
There is nothing wrong with having an opinion on something that is different from others, but is it really necessary to make a personal attack for a misunderstanding, when clearly I've realized I've misunderstood? No, it's not. I am not trying to be "high on my horse" about anything, actually I'm not even sure how one person could believe they are without a doubt, absolutely correct about a matter such as this, makes no sense at all. Everyone is different. From my point of view, being primal in the way we choose our mates is something we can't control, it's instinct. Now if it makes me close minded to have my own point of view/bias or opinion then I think you are sadly mistaken. As I have already mentioned, yes, I was rude in my last post. I corrected myself.

Now, I agree that I am probably taking this reply too seriously, although there is nothing wrong with me explaining myself, as you have done. To say you've never been offended and that you've always had an open mind right from the start, may be true for you. That's fine, by all means. I have an incredibly hard time believing that, but hey, I'm not you and I don't have your mind.

In MY opinion though there are multiple lenses each person sees through, now there is that of your own bias, which EVERYONE has, everyone has an opinion on things. You're opinion seems to be people who can be offended, are perhaps arrogant or close minded. That is your bias. Then there are the lenses of bias from the source of the information such as a newspaper, or news cast, and the bias of the people around us. However, something having a bias doesn't mean it is wrong. To understand something we need to move past our own bias to expand our understanding and consider a new point of view. It's all part of a learning process for each individual; that there ARE other ways to look at things. I wouldn't say in anyway are they arrogant about it. (I am aware you didn't say the word arrogant, but "high horse" and arrogant seem to be relatable.)

This is simply my opinion, and explanation behind my reasoning. Hopefully this presents some sort of logic. If not then it is the reader's bias, and not necessarily the facts. Though, you seem to be fully aware that it is very hard to have all the fact and to fully understand them. That being said I'll end my response at that.


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.

Last edited by AmazonQueen; March 28th 2012 at 02:16 AM.
   
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Re: Things that frustrate me - March 28th 2012, 03:14 AM

I wouldn't say I made a personal attack in my response.

While a lot of what I say seems aggressive (perhaps it is because if I spend all of my time explaining the depth of my thoughts i'd be here all day putting hours into a novel just to explain one thing in all its entirety) it is in no way inteded to be that way.

While I understand you've stated you're likely taking it a bit too seriously, and I realize you probably understand it probably wasn't an intentional 'personal attack', i'd like to clarify my view on this apparent bias of being offended.

Before I delve into what being offended means, and how it exists, i'll first explain a little bit of my life.

As a child, being around the age of four, I was always the person not wanting gifts because I felt my mother couldn't afford it. She always overspent, and I felt bad for the gifts she gave me. Eventually I had to choose a gift just to prevent her from overindulging herself of throwing gifts at me in ridiculous amounts. So I spent a long time looking through the christmas book, and I would mentally mark gifts (If I marked them in the book she would buy them) and I would think:
How interested am I actually for this toy? How long am I likely to play with it based on my other toys i've had previous interest in?
How much does it cost compared to other toys?

This might seem like a ridiculous thing to be thinking at the age of four but i've always been like this. Believe want you want but i'm telling only the truth of my experiences in life here.

As I grew older I began learning people. At the age of 7 or 8 I understood adult conversations quite clearly, whether they were perverted or not.
I began masturbation at the age of 4. while I didn't know the term, I understood I was lacking something as the lack of an orgasm felt very awkward. Around the age of 8 or so I understood that eventually I would develop sperm. I don't know about you guys but that's a couple of years ahead of when they began teaching about sex education in my school.

Around 10-15 was a rough time for myself. I spent a lot of time questioning the purpose of my existence (now i understand there is no purpose but for my own selfish desires) and what kind of person I was. I'm still going through changing and attempting to improve who I am, but it is a very slow process. I do not enjoy changing as with all of the positive things it brings, it brings negative things as well.

Now i'm at a very weird age where I have to decide whether to be myself or accept to lose myself into society's expectations. Obviously I have no choice in the matter in the long run, as a person with a free mind has no value in this kind of world. Unless you're a genius like bill gates. those top 1% are rewarded infinitely for their freedom of thought. The rest of us aren't intelligent enough to create anything substantial enough to make up for our freedom.

So the question right now that i'm dealing with is do I live through with a likely depressing life where I pretend everything is okay, or I just end my life eventually.

people seem to get into this state of mind and think their life is actually okay. I figure it's a realization that they have their 'lot in life' and that's how it goes. I personally cannot handle the thought of not being the best of something. But I am not capable of being the best of anything. So I end up in this loop of being 'above average' but i'm intelligent to understand it'll never get me anywhere in life.

I digress.

My guess about being offended is this:

People with past experiences (usually bad experiences) of a subject/topic do not enjoy reliving their past.
An example of this would be racism.
Racism victims are offended by racism because of their past experiences.
Or in some cases people are capable of understanding how it must feel to be neglected because of their race, and they are offended by the person portraying racism as an acceptable act (it isn't.)

While I support the people who get offended and act against racism and such, I do not enjoy the fact that it reveals an old wound that they haven't recovered from in their past. It also ignores the fact that in the end it's a lack of education about the subject that causes the people to have this (again, i'm speaking about a single topic. There are a broad range of things to be offended by) racism. sometimes Racism is even brought up from their parents, which again is through a lack of education of how to be a good parent. Or perhaps a lack of discipline. There will always be bad eggs.

What i'm trying to say is while it's an honorable act to fight people who are ignorantly offensive in various ways, it isn't solving the problem that it was born from. It is only stalling an everlasting battle until the real problem is solved

I find it hard how people can understand something without experiencing it, but then again most things I experience I experience with very little to no feeling.
That is in general. There are exceptions, but the experiences that cause me to emit emotion I tend to avoid, because I do not enjoy the illogical side of it.
This is likely the reason I am not able to be in a relationship right now. It requires emotion which I tend to avoid. Perhaps women pick up on this and aren't attracted to me due to it.
Why I avoid emotion is something i'll have to look into.
It is likely because i'd end up like every other teenager and adult who makes mistakes in their lives, and they experience temporary bouts of happiness, depression, anger, etc.

I would much prefer a way of life where immature spurts of emotion are not necessary to interact with people successfully.
   
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