Non-PG13: First time, the aftermath. Except not.

[snappydog]

So I posted about my upcoming first time a week or so ago (I think) and... Well, it happened.
Sort of.
I mean, everything seemed perfect. We engaged in a fair bit of foreplay, and I got hard and she got wet... but then I put the condom on, and then it all went to pot.
I tried to put it in her, but I couldn't get it in. It was weird, I think I was at the entrance but I couldn't get it in. Asked her to guide it in, she said she didn't know where to guide it into either..
And then my erection just... went, and wouldn't come back.
Fortunately we both laughed about it, and we both still very much love each other, but... I don't want a repeat of this... How can I avoid this happening all over when we try again?

[dani99]

First of all, it is VERY normal to not be able to get in the first time. A girl can be real small, and even when wet, it still can be a tight squeeze. It happened to me the first time I tried, and it was hard to get it in and it failed. The second time was difficult, but it happened.

But, I just want to tell you that it's completely normal.

[Jas]

Oh my god, the guiding it in thing. I can vouch for the fact that it's very possible she had NO IDEA how to help you out. This is taking me back to how fucking awkward I felt when I didn't, but yeah, we laughed about it too (even if I was inwardly humiliated for a few rounds ). It gets easier. Try different angles? And try placing the head of your penis near the top part of her vulva and sliding it down towards the vaginal entrance, that may help a lot. Eventually you will figure it out and I wish you well when you do.

P.s. You have the best kind of relationship when you can laugh about sex! The best sex is funny, bonding sex!

[snappydog]

Is there any way I can get rid of the nerves? Cos I think that might have been an issue, since I just couldn't maintain an erection once I'd got the condom on... This has kind of knocked me a bit, y'know?

[Koharuchan]

I'd say that the others have it right, it can be difficult the first time, and it's great that you were able to laugh about it. Let me ask; did you use a lubricated condom? Ones that are really lubricated are the best, they help a LOT. If you still can't get in, try prolonging the foreplay and using some extra lube.

[Brandon]

I'll give you a scenario that will make you understand everything.

Let's pretend you're driving down the road and your best friend is calling you. You pick up the phone. When you had 100% concentration on driving, you were 100% focused because you were concentrated solely on driving. However, when you answer the phone and talk on it, your concentration percentage has been affected because you are no longer focusing on one thing but multiple things. You are driving a car, obeying laws, looking out for suspicious activity, etc while trying to maintain a conversation with a friend. Typically, it may not seem like a big deal but your reaction time is potentially greatly affected. If a person steps in front of your car while you're on the phone, the reaction time could've been better if you had 100% concentration instead of 75% concentration. If you were on a professional racing team driving a Ferrari F430 while on the phone, it'd be difficult to do both.

When you try to have sex without knowing what to do, you get nervous. You want to do everything correctly, have orgasms, jizz all over the place, etc etc, but you put too much pressure on yourself and as a result...your concentration is 100% focused on doing the right thing rather than concentrating on the enjoyment of sex. When I have sex with my girlfriend, I know that she doesn't want to do anal just yet, so I'm not going to stick a finger in there during the intercourse...however, I'm also enjoying the feeling of being inside of her, and every other good feeling that making love brings. You have to have 50% concentration in both areas...knowing the right thing to do and the feeling of sex. Otherwise, you will not be able to maintain an erection naturally. When you get exhausted during sex, your mind focuses on that exhaustion because your body is letting your brain know that it needs rest or else problems will occur so...as you can imagine...you probably won't maintain an erection during exhaustion either. Get my drift?

You need to take things slow. Ask her questions. Think about the feeling of having sex with her after you finally penetrate, etc etc. That should help you.

[bitesize]

The others gave good advice, especially Brandon!! I just wanted to say that that is sooo normal for the first time. Sometimes it even takes a couple of tries, but don't stress about it ~ it'll happen when it happens. As for guiding it in, maybe try putting a couple of fingers in there first, and then guiding it in from there?? I remember when I started out I wouldn't have known where to put it for the life of me. :P

[Age of Ignorance]

Coming from a male, it's definitely normal. My first time was pretty much the same as you describe.

The second time, the same thing happened.

Third time, we got it. Popped the champagne and had a pillow fight to celebrate (nah, fuck that).

Completely normal.

As for getting rid of the nerves - nothing can. Just focus on the end game, and don't think about where you're sticking your twig. It'll come in time.