Question help!

[Lyss1234]

So theres this guy im getting with, and whenever i get with him. when we have sex he never cums. the only thing he cums from is when i give him head or we have anal.. is this like normal? i think its a little weird idk lol help!
feedback would be appreciated! thankss

[Sythan]

He may not be able to cum because of his technique during masturbation. Males who really squeeze on their penises during masturbation may cause their penis to become desensitized. So, they can't cum during vaginal intercourse because of the softer sensations.

Your man can cum with oral or anal because of the tightness being put on his penis, like when he masturbates.

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by Sythan

He may not be able to cum because of his technique during masturbation. Males who really squeeze on their penises during masturbation may cause their penis to become desensitized. So, they can't cum during vaginal intercourse because of the softer sensations.

No. This is wrong. Sorry. (and please don't send another snotty PM, you're still wrong here)

If your guy can ejaculate at other times, then the probable cause is anxiety. Actual intercourse is a lot different than other things, and as a result, there are a lot of other emotions that get involved. They can easily interfere.

The biggest problem here is the cycle of anxiety: It happens, he worries, making it more likely it'll happen again, which increases the probability of it happening, etc.

The fix here is to recognize the problem is in his (Big) head, and take a step back here and lay of the sex for a while and let him regain his self confidence.

Lastly, as a public service announcement, there is no way to actually 'Desensitize' your penis (short of perhaps routinely masturbating with sand paper)..the technique, or the position you use has no relevance on 'Sensitivity'.

[Coexist.]

Please, keep all rude and off topic posts out of the threads and keep to answering the OP. Current Events/Debates would love some sex topics, along with keeping it to PM.

I also would like to remind that anybody wanting to provide information as "true" that it is preferred that you do provide sources, it makes it more trustworthy for all of us. We cannot diagnose problems here on TeenHelp, as said in our Code of Conduct here:

Any claims of this kind should be supported by a reputable external reference. Unsupported information may be removed at the discretion of the Moderation to protect TeenHelp’s users from the possibility of inaccurate health advice.

We can only offer possible explanations, and either one of these explanations are valid since ejaculatory problems are usually caused by psychological issues, HOWEVER, there are ways to desensitize penis (proof of this would be the fact that penises become desensitized over time to rubbing of your boxers, so rough masturbation techniques could temporarily have your body need a harder stimulation for intercourse. Found this in Our Sexuality, Psychological Sexuality Textbook by Robert Crooks and Karla Baur)and the fact that some people just have preferences of intercourse. If you would like to provide information for your source or your idea, it would be preferred.

[Brandon]

When it comes to sex, there are two important factors that determines a guy's ability to ejaculate through stimulation:

1. Physical
2. Emotional

Both go hand in hand. When one is affected, the other one follows. In certain situations, one factor is more powerful than the other one. For instance...your boyfriend is able to ejaculate through anal sex. Typically, buttholes are tighter than a woman's vagina, and therefore there's more friction occurring during penetration. When you're giving oral, then not only is it physical enjoyment, but visual enjoyment. Men are more visually stimulated than women are -- hence why men are more likely to watch porn than women.

The key to a guy is visual stimulation. When a guy is visually stimulated, the more aroused he gets. The more aroused he gets, the more comfortable/concentrated he gets. To tackle the emotional aspect of sex, foreplay is suggested, along with proper use of contraceptions, perhaps maybe even compliments, etc.

To tackle the physical side, certain positions are better than others...not just physically, but visually. We can't really tell you those positions, so google will have to be your friend on that one.

I'd also like to mention that Dr. Bobby is partially correct when it comes to sensitivity. I've masturbated since I was 10 years old, and I've almost always done so sitting down in a chair. Thus, I've conditioned myself to ejaculate sitting down or laying down. One time I waited a couple weeks to masturbate and ejaculated within 30 seconds while standing up (with no porn). The reason why it was so quick was because of...well, too many reasons. Basically, I went in with a lot of confidence, and lack of masturbation resulted in high arousal levels which increased blood flow that increased sensitivity. When a man masturbates, he's usually alone and undisturbed.

Ask that he wait a week, do more foreplay and visual stimulating sex positions, communicate, and I think that'll be a good start in the right direction.

[DanceCommander]

I've known a couple of guys who have told me that cannot come unless they are receiving oral sex, so it's not unheard of. And it isn't necessarily a reflection on you.

I'm not a guy, but I do agree with other posters that it has to do with anxiety. Believe it or not, guys don't just move around a bit and ejaculate easily. They can feel as much pressure and anxiety as we do during sex. In a way, I would say it's more difficult for them because a lot is riding on their ability to perform. It could be many reasons- he feels stressed so he'd having trouble keeping it up, and then he feels stressed about having trouble keeping it up; other emotions may be keeping him from ejaculating, etc. It's a pretty intricate system.

I agree with Brandon about the fact that while it doesn't effect sensitivity, masturbation in one position only over a long period of time may effect the positions in which a man is comfortable orgasming in.

So if a guy is having trouble coming, offer to take a break. It will take some of the pressure off, and you can always come back to it later.