Non-PG13: First time no erection

[Some1]

Hey. So I'm a guy, 17.

Me and a friend(girl) have planned to "hook up" for a while.
So a few days ago it was gonna happen, we planned to meet the previous day.

I was turned on during foreplay stuff.
While i was giving her oral(which went well) my erection went away.
Then it was my turn, she touched my penis and nothing really happened.

We tried kissing for awhile, i stroked myself and got kinda hard.
But as soon as she touched it again I lost it.

I think i might've psyched myself out a bit. I was thinking about what I should do, when to do what, how well I was performing.
I didn't get into it and lose myself in the moment.

I wasn't drunk during. I drink sometimes and and smoke weed pretty regularly. I just started smoking a little tobacco.

Im not gay, and I am attracted to this girl.

I masturbated early that day, thinking it would make me last longer.

So if anyone has any advice that would be great. It was pretty embarrassing, she said it was "ok".
We've been pretty close friends for a little while.
I really don't know what she thinks.

I haven't talked to her about it yet, I want to.

What should I do next time?
Could I have a physical problem?

[Kayla200]

You where probably just nervous and freaked out and you where probably thinking to much try to not think about what your doing just go and do what first comes to your mind cause girls like a spontanious guy anyway just talk to the girl about it and tell her your a lil nervous chances are she is to...just be yourself and dont worry about it...and your not weird because a lot of guys have that happen i may not be a guy but Im friends wit mostly all guys so I know mostly what goes on with their mind set ect

[Robin]

Same thing happened to me, Not sure if its the same but i wasnt ready and kind of forced myself into it, you need to feel comftorble with what your doing and not think to much just let it all flow.

[TheLittleNinja]

Yeah...

Being nervous, or anxious would stop your erection. Being relaxed and more 'into' it would be a help , I'm sure it's not a physical problem
Also, smoking CAN effect all your male parts - it can in fact make you infertile - Just something to think about

[Guardian_Angel]

Same thing happened to me, its got a name performance anxiety disorder xD

Its a really common thing basically we freak out too much and get stressed.

[Some1]

Thanks for responding guys.

I haven't been smoking for very long at all. So i doubt that could be problem.

I'm not the always the most confident person, especially in new situations.
Nervous/Anxious and sex don't mix well I guess.

I just need to find a way to not be nervous and have less on my mind, which I'm not good at. Any suggestions there? (:

The first thing that comes to mind is getting drunk/high beforehand.
Has that helped any of you? Would it have a negative effect?

[PlayingPretend]

Eh, I see getting intoxicated beforehand having very adverse affects. There's a lot that could go wrong such as not being as in tune to her needs (if she tells you to go slower, to be more gentle, etc. etc.) or even not being able to achieve an erection at all (I've heard of this happening); depending on how intoxicated you are, judgment could be impaired and you could miss bits and pieces of the night. I honestly don't see getting drunk or high as the answer. Besides, if I were in her shoes, well, safe to say I wouldn't hook up with anyone who'd been drinking or smoking, simply because that'd be very unpleasant and quite a turn-off for me. Not only that but drunken sex turns out to be sloppy and not anything I'd want for a first time.

Honestly, all I can tell you is to try again. You might not get it right the first or even first couple of times but that's okay. No one's expecting you to be a pro at it your first time, but this is honestly the reason to have sex with someone, I'd personally need to be sure I could trust that person 100%. Having that trust would personally allow me to relax around that person. I'd remind myself that we're both in it for fun, we're both in it to learn about each other and learn from each other, and neither they nor I would be an immediate pro. The best thing you can do is try and stop worrying so much about how you're performing and let her tell you. For example, if she's enjoying something, keep doing it. If she seemed to enjoy something else better, try something new. And so on and so forth. It's a learning experience, it is for both of you, so don't be ashamed of whatever happens. I would say keep trying until it feels right. Learn what works for both of you. Help her out if she needs it, let her help you out if you need it etc. etc.

[Some1]

Thanks Elliotte. that helped a bit.

I wouldn't be the only one who was "intoxicated".
She's cool with that kinda stuff. Being really messed up wouldn't help, definitely not. Just enough to "relax".

I trust her, not a 100%. I don't trust many of my friends that much.
Only 1 I've known for 7 or so years(a guy)
I feel like were pretty close. But I tend to be a little uneasy around her: a bit self conscious. As I do around most girls.

[loveyou2218]

that happened to my best friend too. it's totally normal since it's your first time. most likely, it'll stop happening next time. that's the good part about fooling around. it gets a lot better with time. =]]

[primal moo]

You're prolly right that you psyched yourself out... that's totally happened to me too. The other thing I find is when I'm, uh, "up and down" a lot before the actual sex, I have a much harder time staying up.

As far as your friend goes, I guess it depends on the kind of girl she is... if she's mean, I suppose it's possible that she has a laugh at your expense. But if I think more likely is that she might think it's her fault. And from what you're saying, it's really not.

"Try again" sounds good to me too. If this keeps up for the next, say, dozen times, then yeah, maybe it's worthwhile talking to a professional. Until then, though, just keep trying.

[Brandon]

As you start having sex with more women, you'll become more comfortable with having sex. It was your first time, so it's reasonable to not get an erection. It's an uncomfortable experience, and I wouldn't blame you. It's like learning how to drive a car...we gotta practice how to drive so we can be comfortable when we're driving, but it just takes time and practice to get to that point. Once you learn how and feel comfortable, you pretty much don't forget.

[Alrex]

Happens to everyone

Onetime I couldn't get hard trying to do it with a supermodel

talk about embarrasing, she asked if I was gay