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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question I want to have a baby - February 26th 2015, 07:28 PM

I really want to have a baby that I know for sure and my partner wants one too but people keep telling us that the time isn't right but will the time ever be right its all I can think about and the more I see nephew the more I want one, the only thing is that we are still living at my parents but there is space but please can anyone offer advice will there ever be a right time?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to have a baby - February 26th 2015, 07:41 PM

The right time is when you both are financially independent and have enough income to cover all expenses. I recommend you sit down with your partner and make a list of everything you'd need and decide then whether you are able to take care of this baby. Babies are cute but they are a lot of work, I cannot emphasize that enough. It can put enough strain on your relationship that things may not work out, so I recommend being married first and spending more time together. Once you have a child, you can't go out on dates or have alone time anymore. Almost all of your time will be dedicated towards this baby. You're only 18 which means within the last year you became an adult. This means there's still lots you have not been able to experience. Having a baby is a lifelong duty, do you really feel prepared for that at this time? I also recommend having your own place first. Your parents already had a baby themselves, it's likely they won't want another in their house full-time.


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Re: I want to have a baby - February 26th 2015, 07:46 PM

I think that the timing on which you plan to conceive a child is totally up to you. However, there a lot of things you need to consider, such as If you and your partner have steady jobs, if you can mentally handle having a child, and are you able to put the effort and extra attention needed if you have a special needs child?

I'm not saying you aren't ready, but just make sure you consider all the options. Also, from personal experience I'd wait till you have your own place to have a child. I lived with my mother during the entire 10 months of my pregnancy and almost the entire 1st year after I had my daughter, and it was very hard experience. I'm not saying it will be that way for you, just make sure you and your partner are ready.

I wish you all the best of luck, and if you need anything, feel free to PM/VM me anytime.


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Re: I want to have a baby - February 27th 2015, 01:22 AM

The right time isn't 18, I know two people who thought it was, and were completely wrong.
Right time, in my opinion: married, done with school (preferably college), good financial/housing situation. Id say at least 24 years old. Some dreams have to wait.


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Re: I want to have a baby - February 28th 2015, 10:12 PM

Hey Nicole,

I don't think there is ever a right time to have a baby in my honest opinion. However, what I will say is are you and your partner both financially secure, do you both have jobs, do you have savings? I know it's easy to become broody when you see babies, but having a baby is not an easy thing. Not only is there the financial side of having a baby it stops you from doing a lot of things, you won't be able to just go out with your friends when you feel like it, you will have to scarifice a lot for your child. How long have you and your partner been together? Having a baby will put a stop to the two of you having time together, you guys could be asleep and the baby will start crying, whatever you're doing you would primarily be a mother and have to drop what you're doing to make sure the baby is okay. Although you say that there is space at your parents house how do you think they would feel about having a baby in the house? They may not want a baby at home waking them up every night now they're own children are grown and eventually you may want time and space away from your parents.
I would think very carefully about this because a baby is for life, and anyone who believes that a baby is yours to look after until that child is 18 is wrong, being a parent doesn't ever stop even when your kids are grown up. I think you should enjoy being young before you tie yourself down. I'm sure there are many benefits to having a child, but I think it's better when you can support yourselves and when you have your own home and the means to raise your child.

Best of luck,
Paige


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Re: I want to have a baby - March 1st 2015, 06:12 AM

See, I would like to be the director of the CDC, or run an amazing nonprofit, but I'm not ready yet. Think of it like that. Think of solidifying yourself financially, college, marriage/solidifying your relationship with your partner, etc, as "preparing" for the best life your child can have. My parents were 37 and 39 when they had me, and I was lucky because I grew up financially stable and with parents who were able to give their undivided attention to me because they weren't dealing with college, or still wanting to party. They had plenty of time to see their nieces and nephews grow up and see the mistakes their siblings made, plenty of time to grow as individuals, so when they had me they were ready. The brain doesn't stop growing until 25, and personally, I wouldn't want to have a kid until past the time that I'm at my peak maturity.


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Re: I want to have a baby - March 2nd 2015, 12:41 PM

Take as it as someone else who really, really wants a baby. I wanted a baby for most of university. Hell, in many ways I am ready for a baby. But I think knowing that you want and could (theoretically) take care of a child. If you still live with your parents, you probably are not financially independent, especially because you said there is space for a baby at your parents so you don't even have plans to move out where you can take care of the baby and be "adult" on your own. What stopped me from having a baby was knowing that I wasn't done school and I would much rather get a career/job and save up money first.

I know there is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. When you're young, you have no financial resources. When you're older, you have no time because of a career. You might not have the father. Or you might be a father without a woman. You might NEVER be financially secure, not all of us can be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. You might have a health problem that makes it less than ideal. For all you know, you could be infertile. All of the elements of "what could make it a challenge" are there so we get it.

However,the fact of the matter is that the longer you wait the better your chances are of being prepared to account for all of these factors. I don't to shut you down because, trust me, I want a child as much as the next person, but there is no rush. You might as well be young while you can. The second you have a baby, your life changes. You can't just go out with your friends cause you need a sitter OR you need to bring the baby. It makes it way harder to get the education you want because how are you supposed to dump thousands of dollars into that if it is at the expense of your child? It makes it harder to travel. And you can't just come home and read a book because your kid will need to be played with, read to, fed, bathed, put down etc. and there goes your night.




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Re: I want to have a baby - March 4th 2015, 06:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautiful Lie View Post
I really want to have a baby that I know for sure and my partner wants one too but people keep telling us that the time isn't right but will the time ever be right its all I can think about and the more I see nephew the more I want one, the only thing is that we are still living at my parents but there is space but please can anyone offer advice will there ever be a right time?

If you live at your parents' house, then the time is not right. It is very selfish to assume that another addition is good. Yes, your parents probably would not toss you out and probably not complain out loud to you, but a baby is not easy. A baby and then a toddler gets into things and tears things up. They make messes. They could draw on the wall. Spill food on the floor. Stain the couch. They cry at night. They may become a babysitter whenever you have to leave because they are right there.


If you want a baby, you should be able to comfortably afford all that you need. This includes moving out of your parents' house and ensuring you can afford to live on your own. A lot of teenagers misjudge how much it costs to live on their own as an adult.


You should also have a comfortable amount in savings. Enough to cover 6 months of all expenses should you get laid off/injured/etc. It is very easy to find yourself without a job.


You should also have a career and not just a job. If you cannot picture yourself doing whatever you are doing right now and live off of the salary, then you need to go back to school now before you have a child. A lot of people in nursing school talked about how they felt guilty because they couldn't spend time with their children and would hide out on campus to study.


Also, you should consider getting married before having a baby. A marriage may reveal things you didn't know about your partner such as spending habits. It may also entitle you to the household items should you split up. Or let's say your partner has a more desirable job and you keep a lower paying job because it is better hours for the childcare schedule, well, you could potentially be entitled to some of the money in the divorce whereas boyfriend/girlfriend he or she can just take off with their own money.
   
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