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miscarriage.. don't know what to do from here - July 7th 2015, 04:21 PM

So about a year ago, I was sleeping with this guy and we didn't use condoms, just the pull out method. We weren't dating or anything. But the same month he slept with me, he later started dating this girl and he kinda stopped talking to me. In August of last year, I kinda figured I was pregnant, but want sure. Then I started having really bad cramps and other stuff. So I went to one of those pregnancy crisis centers, and found out I had a miscarriage. But I didn't tell anyone about it. I didn't want to ruin my friend's relationship with his girlfriend or anything. And he doesn't have any money for a kid, their family is in a tight financial spot currently and they have been for quite some time. And I didn't want to worry him. I went to therapy and stuff to deal with it. Then a few months after it happened, I started getting close with him again, but just as friends. He still has the same girlfriend. Recently we got into an argument and it just spiraled until I broke down and told him that when he left me, I was pregnant with his child, but I had a miscarriage shortly after. And ever since, he hasn't talked to me. He talks to my cousin, just not me. And I don't know what I should do. I don't know how he feels about it. I want to give him space and time to process everything, but I cant help feeling like he hates me, or maybe he thinks its my fault why his first child didn't make it. I want to know all these answers. But I want to respect him. So what should I do? Should I just tell him how I feel? Or give him more time? How long should I wait? Should I just leave him alone for good? I know there isn't an exact or correct answer, but I do appreciate the opinions and the emotional guidance. I did apologize to him about waiting so long to tell him and he said it was fine. And it just got really awkward so I told him I'd leave him alone, and he said I didn't have to. But then when I tried talking to him and asking him things, he just looked at my messages and never answered. So Thank you guys for taking your time to read this and help me out and I'm sorry if this is under the wrong category. Maybe its more with relationships, I'm not too sure.


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Re: miscarriage.. don't know what to do from here - July 8th 2015, 12:05 PM

You can try talking to him but there is a good chance he will not want to talk. The method the news was given to him was probably one of the worst ways unfortunately. If you need to you may want to see your old counselor. I would give him space.
   
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Re: miscarriage.. don't know what to do from here - July 8th 2015, 06:42 PM

Hi there,

First of all- I'm sorry about your miscarriage. It's hard to have something so precious ripped away, but it sounds like you're coping with it okay now.

As for your friend, I think he needs some space. He may not blame you for the miscarriage, but it's a big thing to take on. He might be dealing with it in other ways rather than talking to you. He might be talking to other people about it, or he might just be ignoring it. No one can really tell but him. Maybe you could try writing down or typing how you feel and send it to him. The two of you should talk, but only when he is ready.

You did the right thing by telling him.


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