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Unhappy Take over the house with tantrums. - August 8th 2015, 11:41 PM

Just as the title depicts, Ava is taking over the house by throwing tantrums. Since Ava was old enough to get in to things, I started using time outs. They have never lasted very long, but they have always worked. Ava understood that was she did was a big no-no, and once she was allowed up from timeout, she was well mannered and went right back to playing and being happy.

Sadly, that's not happening anymore. I find myself losing my self control and just giving in to what Ava wants, rather than to fight and fuss with her. I REALLY don't want Ava to believe that if she screams, she can get what she wants. Ava has started screaming so loudly you can hear her from outside! I'm afraid people are going to think I'm abusing her simply because I won't let her paint, or give her a candy bar (granola) when she asks for it.

Before, doing timeouts and taking away things that Ava throws down (breakables) or pulling her aside when she refuses to listen was enough. Now I can do everything but scream at the girl and she won't even bat an eye. I have spanked Ava before. Not very hard. You barely tap her bottom and her feelings are so hurt she sends herself in to a crying mess, but that breaks my heart! I HATE spanking. HATE IT.

I have only spanked Ava once, and I instantly regretted it. I was driving down the road, and Ava threw Rocko (Her pet rock that she refuses to let me get rid of) at the window of the car. I instantly pulled over, came to the back, took Rocko, and spanked Ava on hand. She cried for a good 10 minutes. I hated it, and I never want to do that again. I just have no idea how I am supposed to get her to listen to me anymore.

She refuses to clean, instead of handing me her cup like she used to, she throws it at me. Half the time she doesn't say please, or thank you. If I refuse to do something she wants, like cuddling her as soon as she wakes up, if I'm cooking or cleaning, she will throw herself to the floor and SCREAM like a grown woman until I give in. I have no idea how to handle this!

Any Moms, Aunts, God Mothers, Big Sisters, Ect have any advice for me? I'd love you forever if you did!!!!!

Sincerely,
One stressed out Momma.


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: Take over the house with tantrums. - August 9th 2015, 12:19 AM

Kind of there with Madison. Terrible twos.

When we are at home with her my mom and I don't let her get off of the couch. She will try to get off, but we will pick her up and put her right back on. Eventually she realizes she won't win and cries herself to sleep.

If she throws things, we take them away. Obviously you can't deprive her of a drink forever, but if she doesn't need it that instant.

When I was little my parents would actually have to go around closing windows because I'd tantrum so bad. My doctor said that if anyone did call the police, have the police call her and she'd straighten it out. Maybe you can make her pediatrician aware so the same can be done for you?

Madison screams if we put her in the cart at the store. Sometimes we give her food to eat through the store and pay when we get to the register. It keeps her occupied.

WhIle they do cry, after a while they'll realize that they're not going to get their way. But the more you give in, the more they do it.

Madison also needs to be kept occupied or she will get into anything and everything. Maybe you can find some things that may hold Ava'a attention? May be a trial and error thing.


Let it come and let it be...

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Re: Take over the house with tantrums. - August 9th 2015, 02:16 AM

Thank you for the advice. I'll definitely take your advice. It's helpful to know that I'm not the only one who's dealing with things like this.


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Re: Take over the house with tantrums. - August 9th 2015, 06:04 PM

Hey Ade,
I feel you! I worked at a daycare and have dealt with the crying and tantrums.
I think at that age it is important to reinforce positive behavior alternatives instead of punishing the bad behaviors. Showing Ava she can use her words instead of crying can make a difference. At age 2 kids hate being told no! So instead of saying no without explanation you can tell her for instance "Ava, we can't play with the chalk outside because it is raining. But we can color indoors or we can read stories instead? Which one do you want?"
So in this scenario, you'd be letting her know that your restrictions aren't random (it was raining) and you are giving her a choice (give her a choice between 2 options you know are doable) that way she feels like you're giving her control, which is fair. Kids like to have control over their play options.

For cleaning, I usually make it into a game, or have them look forward to something afterwords. (Let's clean up so we can have lunch)

I know this probably doesn't solve everything but I hope it gives you some ideas!

I also want to remind you not to take it personally! Kids have bit me, punched me, pinched me, pulled my shirt, and threw things at me but the key is being calm through all this.
I know this must be so hard because at the end of the day I left the day care but you're a full time momma so it must be hard!

Maybe instead of time-outs you can make a time-in? Time in can be at a corner where Ava can calm down, catch her breath, and when you're both calm you can explain to her. At the daycare, time outs were associated with fear and kids would be very scared to sit in that hallway! They would cry unconsolably. The supervisor in charge would spank and the other workers followed suit but I refused to. She also would tie them up in a high chair and give them silent treatment which I also think is wrong.
But I do think time-ins can work because that teaches self-reflection and verbalizing emotions. You can tell Ava "you felt sad that I wasn't allowing you to go outside" without giving in. You can acknowledge her feelings of hurt without giving her everything she wants.
But back to not taking things personally. Kids like to test limits at that age but that's part of their experimenting at that age so in a way it is a necessary stage of development. They want to be independent. But they still love their parents. There was a kid who at age 2 he loved slamming the door after his mother dropped him off. At age 3 he was SO delighted to see his mom everyday!

I hope things improve for you and Ava.
   
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Re: Take over the house with tantrums. - August 9th 2015, 07:23 PM

Thank you.


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