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Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

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Sister In Law - January 30th 2018, 11:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

About a month ago I lost my son at 20 weeks. I've been coping the best I can. In October I took in my sister-in-law because she was pregnant and had no place to go. I've been very giving. We supplied clothes, food, and even a crib, stroller,car seat, ETC. Pretty much everything she needs. She smokes A LOT. She is reckless and continues to smoke even though her baby has IUGR. She is 36 weeks but her baby is measuring 29. We've offered her resources to quit but she refuses them. It upsets me due to my situation and I try and help the best I can but I'm tempted to kick her out. She is ruining my life, emotional well being, and my marriage. She went so far to post a death threat on facebook saying if I called cps she would kill me. Please help. I'm begging for just a little advice.


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Re: Sister In Law - January 31st 2018, 01:14 AM

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. It's never easy to lose a baby, even if it was only 20 weeks. It was still apart of you.

Now, with your Sister-in-law, IUGR babies are always scary, I have seen some very tiny ones that were full term. When your sister sees her Obstetrician, she would have to say that she's been smoking, especially with her baby being an IUGR. When the baby is delivered there's a chance it might have to go into the nursery for a day or two just so they can monitor the baby. When the baby is in there they will do tests etc to see if there was any harm to the baby. If they are worried about the babies well-being they will contact Family and Children Services.

With the death threats, I'm not too sure what you can do about them. I have faith that she wouldn't actually kill you if you were to mention to the hospital that she's smoking.

I hope this helps, let me know if you have any other questions.

Brittany



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Re: Sister In Law - January 31st 2018, 02:55 AM

Her OB knows. She made me go with her to her last appointment and I mentioned it. Her OB offered to let her in with the social worker today for options to quit but she refused.


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Re: Sister In Law - January 31st 2018, 03:36 AM

Hey there,

If the OBGYN is aware that she is smoking and has refused to get help to quit it's possible at the time the baby is born that they will contact Child Protective Services. The doctor can't really force her to quit smoking but if they are aware that she has endangered the babies life in that manner and there is any other reason to suspect she is a danger to the child than they will likely notify the proper people to ensure the babies safety.

I am not 100% sure how all of this works when a person refuses to quit smoking. I know people who have struggled with other things while pregnant and, even, than I have heard that things aren't always handled in a satisfactory way.

It is unfortunate that your sister in law is choosing to behave this way and I can't begin to imagine how difficult this situation is for you. I can say that there would be nothing wrong with you making the choice to kick her out. It sounds like you want to do what is best for everyone involved but it is okay to think about your own well-being as well. You might have a lot emotions pertaining to asking her to leave but at the end of the day, your well-being is the most important thing and if having her in the home is impacting your well-being than you have every right to make her leave.

I hope that you are okay and please know that if you need anything you can message me.

Best regards.


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