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Socializing - April 13th 2010, 02:42 PM

My son can get pretty bad separation anxiety. He spends all day with mom and dad, and no one else. Therefore if anyone else tries to hold him, or sometimes even just looks at him and tries talking to him, he gets the pouty face and starts whimpering. If I don't immediately pick him up, he'll start crying his little eyes out for. It used to be so bad that he would cry the whole time we even took him to someone else's house. The first time it happened I thought he was hurt. His cries sounded like he was in pain. Turns out it was just because he wanted to go home.

His grandparents really don't see him on a regular basis (one side runs a golf course, and the other side lives two hours away), and there is no one else around to help with socializing him.

We're considering daycare because we feel he really needs to get used to being held and cared for by other people. And, in all honesty, I need a break and I'm to afraid to leave him at a grandparents house for the night because I don't want him upset the whole time. Last time we did that he screamed the whole time we were gone I just want an evening off here and there without having to worry about if he's doing ok.

I feel like daycare is a little extreme, but I just don't know what else to do. I've tried finding play groups in the area, but I'm having no luck. Is there another way to help get him used to being around (or mainly just held by) other people, or is this a phase that may pass eventually? We get out a lot, just not around people that hold him. He's been like this since about 4 months. Any advice?

EDIT: Just wanted to add, he is going to be going to daycare within the next 6 months anyway, because I plan to start working again soon. So, I guess what I'm asking is... is it ok to go ahead and try and get him used to daycare, or should I try socializing him other ways first?


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Last edited by Jocelyn.; April 13th 2010 at 08:56 PM.
   
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Re: Socializing - April 13th 2010, 03:15 PM

He is still a baby! Only six months according to your ticker? Kain was like that up until about a year old. Hell there are people that have known him for the past year and a half and they are just now seeing him speak and get unattachted from my leg. Take him to the park/childrens museums etc. Its not something that will happen over night, he just has to get used to people and other kids


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Re: Socializing - April 13th 2010, 05:24 PM

Both my kids were like that. They're still really shy around people now. I agree, start taking him places. Here, people have little play dates. We have something called "Stroller boot camp." Us mommies take the babies out walking/jogging and that also gives the moms some time to make some friends, as well as for the kids to get to know each other. Swimming could be something you may want to try. I'm assuming you and your boyfriend have family there that you trust, visit them, practice walking out of the room and letting them soothe him.
   
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Re: Socializing - April 13th 2010, 09:06 PM

My son was the same way. All of my family lives in california.. so the only family he has here is hubbys side.. and we try not to see them too much.

If you don't want to hold him constantly then don't. Put him in a bouncer or jumper, or swing while you relax. If he crys a little it wont hurt him.

My son didnt like being held by anyone other than myself, and it does get tiring.. but you can't force him to snap out of it. It's something he has to out grow...
I ended up taking my son to the park around 1yr so he could play with other kids... that helped a lot.


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Re: Socializing - April 15th 2010, 03:49 PM

Okay I have no kids, but I know about development psychology.
Firstly, you have to know that every single baby has separation anxiety. This is a normal phenomene until 2 years, and there are a lot of kids who even have it until 4 years.
A baby is like this: he knows some people who take care of him and because he thinks that only they can take care of him (he can be certain only for his parents/nannies that they will feed him, take care of him), he will have fear when they leave him. A baby thinks that when he doesn't see his parents/nanny, that they are gone. The baby will think that they are vanished, because he doesn't see them. For him, they just aren't there in this world anymore. That's why he will be upset when his parents leave.
You should consider taking him more out, go walking in the city, the park, etc. Anywhere that there could be a lot of people. But if your son is too upset, don't force him. I assure you, in a couple of months/years, it will be finished.

By the way, if you take him to the day care, and if he has every day the same guardian(s), he will get used to them soon.
Good luck!
   
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