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Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 06:06 PM

We had sex last week, and the condom split. I wasn't worried about it at all, because I'm on the pill, but he got really really worried, and it took me ages to try and convince him everything would be ok.

I'm the first person he's had sex with so he hasn't had much experience with this, and I suppose it's just natural that he's going to be worried about it ~ but last year I was having sex twice a week for eight months or so without using a condom, and I've never had a pregnancy scare in my life. I'm just not worried.

We talked about it last night, and we discussed me taking a test. I really want to put his mind at ease about this, but I just don't like the idea of taking a pregnancy test. I like that I've never had to do it before..and I don't know, I can't even explain why I don't like the idea, but I just don't. Especially because I really, honestly know that I'm not pregnant, and there's no point taking one when it's just telling me what I already know. And my period's due in two weeks anyway.

But even though I don't like the idea of taking one, I do want to prove to him that everythings ok ~ and it can't really do any harm. I just feel it's annoyingly unnecessary He's obviously never going to force me to take one if I really don't want to, but I know he'd be a lot happier if I did.

Maybe I'm just making a big deal over this...but I would just prefer not to have to go and buy a pregnancy test (especially because I know I look younger than I am and it might get some stares) and have to take it. Should I tell him I'm not happy about it?? Or should I just take it, even if it's just to make him feel better??

EDIT: I just realised this may have been bettr off in the pregnancy forum...sorry!!


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 06:10 PM

Well you could always ask him if he's willing to wait just to see if you get your period in two weeks. If he doesn't want to wait i see no problem with just taking a quick pregnancy test just to ease his mind. We are going to know when we aren't pregnant since it's our body and we understand how it works...But men have no idea. It's good he's actually concerned about it rather than just not even worrying about it. That's how my husband is doing. I've asked for pregnancy tests before and he would get aggravated because i felt the need to take one. Be thankful he is so caring.

:-)




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 06:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommieof2 View Post
It's good he's actually concerned about it rather than just not even worrying about it. That's how my husband is doing. I've asked for pregnancy tests before and he would get aggravated because i felt the need to take one. Be thankful he is so caring.

:-)

Oh that's true, I do really appreciate that he's worrying about it, even though I don't want him to get stressed about it. I know it's better than if he didn't really care. Thanks (:


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 06:33 PM

i agree; talk him into trying to just waiting till your period.
there is no point in wasting the money...
and if your period is late... then maybe just ask him to go get the test!?
so you won't have to deal with the stares...
or even if he doesnt want to wait till your period...
i'd still ask him to get the test :P.
he's the one that is nervous about it...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 08:19 PM

I understand exactly what you mean when you say that you don't like the idea of taking the test. For me, it's sort of a "Look at me. I am safe and a smarty pants." I would feel the same way were I in your situation.

You have to decide how much that matters to you though--something this small shouldn't cause a rift in your relationship, but it can. If he doesn't fully understand your reasoning, he might attempt to fill in the gap himself and end up thinking that your decision has reasons behind it that are serious; when you're scared and confused, "She doesn't want to take a test" can easily translate into "She doesn't really love me."

If I were in your place, I would do one of two things. Either I'd talk to him and say exactly what you told us, or I'd just get the test. It's kind of a pain, but it's the easiest way to have done with it all. If you don't, just make sure you explain to him exactly why. The most important thing is to make sure that he knows what you're thinking.

Good luck =]



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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 08:59 PM

I think take the test. I know you don't want to but in the long run its no big deal is it, just pee on a stick and see what you expected in the first place. Tell him you'll do it if he buys it for you?



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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 10:50 PM

I am going to move this to the Pregnancy forum, since it'll probably get better responses there.

Personally, I would take the test. It's not that big a deal and if it makes him feel better, then I think that's more important. However, you might want to explain that most pregnancy tests aren't effective until after two weeks and some aren't effective until the day of your missed period. There might not be any point in you taking one because it would be too early.

Also, I would definitely make him go get it for you. He is the one who wants you to take it, so he should be willing to deal with the stares etc. instead of you. That's just fair, I think.



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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 11:12 PM

Okay, this is fairly selfish of you for you soul reason that its nothing to get a test done and yet your actually letting your boyfriend lose sleep over this. There's nothing worse then worrying over a pregnancy scare. It's even worse because he asked you as his partner to put his mind to rest, which doesn't look good on your part if you don't come through seeing as this isn't an abortion its just a test.

What might not be a being deal to you, means the world to another person.

PLEASE TAKE THE TEST FOR HIM! I've been in those shoes and honestly you have no idea how much sleep we lose.

(After reading over my post I see it comes off strong but I really feel for this guy, don't take this the wrong way I don't mean to be sarcastic or rude.)
   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 17th 2010, 11:43 PM

I'd take the test if I were you. It's such a simple little thing and it will mean a lot to him. If you don't feel comfortable buying it, just let him know and ask him to buy it.


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 09:08 AM

Hey there, (:

Actually, I don't think it's selfish for you not to take the test. That's perfectly understandable. The pill gives you good protection from everything but STD's, so really you shouldn't have anything to worry about unless you're in that, what? 2.5 percent and you've been using the pill perfectly and still got pregnant, which is highly unlikely. Does your boy know how unlikely it is that you'll be pregnant on the pill? Perhaps you could show him the instructions or a website relating to it, to encourage him that it's safe.

If the worst comes to the worst, you can always take the test. If he wants you to take the test, you could always ask him to buy one for you. What do you have to lose?

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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 11:53 AM

He's actually been very good and offered to pay for it himself if I do decide to take it. I wouldn't make him buy it though ~ fair enough, I might get stares, but at least I'm a woman...he already found it a bit daunting buying condoms for the first time a few weeks ago and I'd worry that he might just go in, panic and grab blindly at the first things he sees, and end up bringing home a box of tampons or something. <3


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1 View Post
Okay, this is fairly selfish of you for you soul reason that its nothing to get a test done and yet your actually letting your boyfriend lose sleep over this. There's nothing worse then worrying over a pregnancy scare. It's even worse because he asked you as his partner to put his mind to rest, which doesn't look good on your part if you don't come through seeing as this isn't an abortion its just a test.

What might not be a being deal to you, means the world to another person.

PLEASE TAKE THE TEST FOR HIM! I've been in those shoes and honestly you have no idea how much sleep we lose.

(After reading over my post I see it comes off strong but I really feel for this guy, don't take this the wrong way I don't mean to be sarcastic or rude.)
Ah that's ok, as a guy you're just seeing it from his point of view, which is fine.

Seriously though, do you really think it would be selfish for me not to take it?? My period's due on September 2nd anyway, and, as has been said, I'd have to wait a couple of weeks for the test to be effective anyway. It's not that I'm absolutely refusing to take it ~ I will if there's nothing else that will make him feel better, but what I'm trying to do is just help him realise that everything is ok. There was no reason why my pill shouldn't have protected me ~ I'd taken it at the right time, hadn't been sick or had diarrhoea, hadn't missed any previously.
Also, we were nearly going to have sex without a condom and only decided to use one at the last minute ~ I think it's more just that we did use one and it broke. If we purposely hadn't used one he wouldn't be worrying this much. I texted all the friends I have who are on the pill and don't use condoms, and showed him the texts, and have told him about my best friend's experiences with condoms breaking and getting lost afterwards.
I think I'd just prefer to convince him that I don't have to take it than point-blank refuse not to take it if he wants me to.

Thanks for the help though guys.


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 12:39 PM

I think he really needs some education in the facts of life. If you are taking the pill every day then you haven't even ovulated; even if you had ovulated then the pill would make the mucus in your cervix thicken, meaning his sperm would have a hard job even getting to the egg; if the egg did succeed in getting fertilised then the pill would have made the lining of your uterus thinner, preventing the egg from attaching. Add to this the fact that there is a very small window every month when you can get pregnant (so you would have to have had sex during this time) and, on average it takes 6 months of trying for a woman to get pregnant. Oh, and at the age of 19 you are not even at your most fertile yet.

I understand that guys worry, but maybe if the sex education we got at school wasn't so poor then they would chill out a bit. tell him to research how all this stuff works - he has to learn sometime - and if he still wants you to take the test then he can go out and get it for you himself.

I completely understand why you don't want to take the test. Ryan said 'you have no idea how much sleep we lose.' but I don't think men have any idea how horrible it is to take a pregnancy test. Longest 3 minutes of a woman's life.
   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 05:39 PM

Here's a question: why should you expect him to believe that you're on birth control and not pregnant, when you won't even take a pregnancy test for him?

When it comes to pregnancy, there is never a 100% guarantee when you have sex. Abstinence is the only safe and effective way to not get pregnant. Therefore, there is always risk of getting pregnant when engaging in sexual intercourse. It might be small, but that doesn't mean you won't ever get pregnant when you're on birth control.

Taking a pregnancy test is not like driving a car blind folded. He could supply you the pregnancy tests and all you have to do is piss on em'. All it takes is a couple of seconds. That's not too much to ask, is it? And the best thing is that he'd be happy because he'd be able to know, pretty much for sure whether you're pregnant or not, and you'd be happy because he wouldn't be on your case.

It's got nothing to do with trust or any of that. We just feel better if we see it with our own eyes.
   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 07:37 PM

Just take the test?
Honestly, if you can have sex, and you KNOW your own age why should the "stares" matter?
Go into the store, buy the test, if you're that freaked out by stares have the boyfriend buy the test or buy the test with tampons that'll confuse the clerk.

Taking a pregnancy test when you know you're not pregnant shouldn't be this big of a deal..... unless you could possibly be pregnant and are in denial.


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 07:42 PM

I don't think it's selfish at all if you don't take one. Especially if you are soon to get your period. Why not just wait? It's not like the pregnancy test is going to change anything between now and then. I think he should relax a little and trust the situation. There IS a risk of getting pregnant on the pill, but you really should be fine.

I think it would be NICE of you to take it, but I don't think you'd be a bad person if you did either. Talk it over with him.


   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 10:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by iHEAVENn View Post
buy the test or buy the test with tampons that'll confuse the clerk.
hehe off topic. but you have no idea how many times I have done that. Mainly because most of the time i spend the money on a hpt, then my period starts the next morning, so I want to make sure I have enough tampons to last me through this period. lol


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 10:59 PM

Reading over this, I have pretty much the same scenario going on with my guy!

He's the same type, I was his first, I've been on this birth control before with no problems, with no protection, but he is still all worrisome.

Though, in our case, we have agreed to wait and see what happens come time for my period. I kind of can't wait to prove him right. Especially since most people would've had some sort of symptoms by now, but I have not.

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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 18th 2010, 11:24 PM

Ugh, maybe I'll just take it.... I just really feel so pointless about it. He knows that if there was anything really to worry about I would be worrying ~ getting pregnant is just not an option for me, especially with having to go abroad to get an abortion because our country is so old-fashioned ~ and I've talked to him about this so much that logically I think he knows everything really is ok. I just really don't feel happy about taking it. And yes, I can't really explain why I don't want to, and yes that makes me feel horribly selfish.
And yes I know that there's no way of knowing 100% that I'm not pregnant without a test. But I've had sex over a hundred times without a condom and this has never happened, so why should it happen on this one time ~ especially at a time of the month that I'm not particularly fertile??

I think I'm just grouchy because honestly, if this was a post someone else had written and I was replying from someone else's point of view, I would be thinking 'what's the big deal?? Just take a test!!' and tell them that too. But it's different when it's yourself.


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 19th 2010, 04:39 AM

Quote:
But I've had sex over a hundred times without a condom and this has never happened, so why should it happen on this one time ~ especially at a time of the month that I'm not particularly fertile??
To make you think "WTF"
And to show you that you're never 100% protected unless you don't have sex.
Just because you've done it a hundred times without getting pregnant doesn't mean it WONT happen.. just means it hasn't happend YET.

You need to be careful and watch that way of thinking cause that IS how you end up changing diapers


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 19th 2010, 10:13 AM

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Originally Posted by bitesize View Post
And yes I know that there's no way of knowing 100% that I'm not pregnant without a test. But I've had sex over a hundred times without a condom and this has never happened, so why should it happen on this one time ~ especially at a time of the month that I'm not particularly fertile??
Oooh, it can happen. You could have sex 309459034590348 on a pill, and then randomly get pregnant. Just because it HASN'T happened, doesn't mean it can't or reduce your odds any.

*hugs* I am sure the situation is stressful, so maybe taking a test could calm both of you.[/size][/color][/font]


   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 19th 2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bitesize View Post
And yes I know that there's no way of knowing 100% that I'm not pregnant without a test. But I've had sex over a hundred times without a condom and this has never happened, so why should it happen on this one time ~ especially at a time of the month that I'm not particularly fertile??
Oooh, it can happen. You could have sex 309459034590348 on a pill, and then randomly get pregnant. Just because it HASN'T happened, doesn't mean it can't or reduce your odds any.

*hugs* I am sure the situation is stressful, so maybe taking a test could calm both of you.[/size][/color][/font]


   
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 20th 2010, 03:22 PM

I talked to my friend about this, and she says I shouldn't have to take a test unless I feel I need to, but she told me to keep an eye on my temperature ~ if it's higher than normal that's a bad sign. I just wish I had a thermometer... :/


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 20th 2010, 04:07 PM

There are many signs of pregnancy and generally by the time they become noticed, you're usually fairly far along. I would personally recommend taking the pregnancy test. They aren't massively expensive, either one of you can buy it. and within a few minutes you'll both have an answer.

But if you really don't want to, try not to worry about every little aspect of what's happening and if it means you're pregnant, it'll drive you up a wall.
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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 20th 2010, 09:58 PM

Just an FYI i don't think anyone else has pointed out. If you do take a test for him, you will need to wait 14 days from the day the condom split or else a test would be pointless because even if you did get pregnant from it, the HCG hormone wouldn't be concentrated enough to show up on a urine pregnancy test.


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Re: My boyfriend wants me to take a pregnancy test, even though I'm on the pill.. - August 21st 2010, 09:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bitesize View Post
He's actually been very good and offered to pay for it himself if I do decide to take it. I wouldn't make him buy it though ~ fair enough, I might get stares, but at least I'm a woman...he already found it a bit daunting buying condoms for the first time a few weeks ago and I'd worry that he might just go in, panic and grab blindly at the first things he sees, and end up bringing home a box of tampons or something. <3




Ah that's ok, as a guy you're just seeing it from his point of view, which is fine.

Seriously though, do you really think it would be selfish for me not to take it?? My period's due on September 2nd anyway, and, as has been said, I'd have to wait a couple of weeks for the test to be effective anyway. It's not that I'm absolutely refusing to take it ~ I will if there's nothing else that will make him feel better, but what I'm trying to do is just help him realise that everything is ok. There was no reason why my pill shouldn't have protected me ~ I'd taken it at the right time, hadn't been sick or had diarrhoea, hadn't missed any previously.
Also, we were nearly going to have sex without a condom and only decided to use one at the last minute ~ I think it's more just that we did use one and it broke. If we purposely hadn't used one he wouldn't be worrying this much. I texted all the friends I have who are on the pill and don't use condoms, and showed him the texts, and have told him about my best friend's experiences with condoms breaking and getting lost afterwards.
I think I'd just prefer to convince him that I don't have to take it than point-blank refuse not to take it if he wants me to.

Thanks for the help though guys.
Despite being on the pill I'd always recommend using a condom because teens don't understand how big of a deal kids are. in a relationship were you having sex for fun you can never be to careful.
   
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