I don't know who's the father...

[The_lost_soul]

So i was with this guy, I broke it off with after we had sex, because i got really angry at me to the point where, i thought i was going to get hurt....2 days after that i had sex with another guy out of loneliness. Then I found out that i was pregnant. The first guy has my 8 month old son a few hours away. We planned that because he dropped out of school he would have him during the school time, and i will have him during the summer. and he loves my son, so much they have never been apart. Everytime they are apart my son cries so hard.

but...the second guy and i had sex but right after we did i stopped talking to him (this is the part that will make you think i am a bitch...sorry) because I realized i wanted to be with the first guy, because when i was pregnant i thought he would be the father. Now the second guy hates me....i mean really hates me: to the point where he tells me i should die or drop dead, he's called me a cunt, and he has told all of his friends i am a slut...so now its around the school.

I do understand that's what I deserve, because i found out by one of his friends that i took away his virginity after the fact...and the second guy drinks, and does drugs...and he's only 16.

Now here's my problem: my son looks NOTHING like the first guy...but looks just like the second. plus The second guy doesn't even know my son exist. but in january i will be going down there so we can take a paternity test to see if the first guy is the father...but in reality he probably is not...

so, If the first guy isn't the father, what should i do? all of my friends that know tell me that he should know, but do i really want to take my son away from the first guy...and do i really want my son to be in the position where his father does drugs and drinks?

Thank you for your time

[Silhouette]

Hey there,

That is a tough situation to be in. Are you back together with the first guy? If so, if you son turns out to be the 2nd guy's, then the first guy should still help out by keeping him because you should not give your son to the second guy. He sounds very unstable and he doesn't seem to be ready to be a father. However, they both deserve to know. So make sure you tell them. Could your parents help you out at all?

You may have to make some sacrifices for this. I can't tell you who's son it is and I cannot tell you how they will react. All you can really do now is tell them both and try and make a plan for every scenario of what could happen.

Best of luck! I really hope things work out for you.

[guillotine_blades]

I am a little confused. So the first guy/the guy who raises the baby 9+ months out of the year may or may not be the father...Does he know this?

[taylalatbh.]

You need to tell both the potential fathers that they could be the father to the child. And you need to have a DNA test done as soon as possible. It's important that the child knows as early on as possible who their real father is. And of course it's important for the guy too.

You're the childs' mother, if you don't want a guy who drinks and does drugs around your child, then you have the right to tell him no. If he's not going to stop the bad habits, then he doesn't have the right to see your child.

I hope you work things out soon, take care.

[The_lost_soul]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

I am a little confused. So the first guy/the guy who raises the baby 9+ months out of the year may or may not be the father...Does he know this?

yeah, i told him in the beginning

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by The_lost_soul

yeah, i told him in the beginning

And the other guy wants nothing to do with the baby? Why rock the boat? Why take that little baby from (im sorry but its true) the main parent in his life? Thats a little cruel IMO Let sleeping dogs lie, if the guy who is raising your baby knows that there is a possibility that he isn't the bio-dad and he stepped up to the plate anyways and he loves that baby and is raising it, why take them away from each other?

[Boobies]

Originally Posted by The_lost_soul

what should i do?

Condoms

But seriously (even though I'm not quite sure the the time scale), no matter what the results are, if the child has been living with the first guy for eight months I think it would be hard for the kid to be taken away from him. But he's young so he'd get over it.
But still, I think if the first guy truly cares for the child he should have it, to say that the first guy is more deserved of the child because he fertilised you is like saying adoptive parents shouldn't be classed as real parents because there's no biological connection.
You really should speak to them both though.