My Abortion - Was It The Right Choice?

[SpaceSailor]

I had an abortion over a year ago (whilst I was pregnant I posted a thread about whether or not I should keep the baby). I hear teen mums talk who have kept their baby saying how they have never regreded their decision, but I chose to terminate my pregnancy... and I don't know how I feel about it, even a year and a bit later.

I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. Do you think the babies we don't keep get another chance at life somewhere else to some other mother? I mean, spiritually.

If anyone could put forth their 2c that would be appreciated.

[dejaentendu0]

Hi, SpaceSailor -

I can completely get where you're coming from. Two days ago was the one year mark for when I had mine. Even with a year gone by, I still think about it sometimes and wonder 'what if' on a lot of things.
I think, over time, it'll get easier and easier to accept what happened and move past it. It's definitely been easier for me than when it first happened - I know that.

I want to first tell you that it's okay to be upset. You lost something. Loss is never easy, so it's okay to grieve and feel sad about it. If you're interested, you could look into post-abortion counseling. I'm not sure where you could find one in Australia, but I know where I live, they're quite easy to find and - while I didn't stay with mine - it was nice to know I could talk to someone.
If talking to a counselor isn't for you, but you'd want to work through something of that sort, there's plenty of forums/groups/etc online that are solely women that have gone through abortions and need support. This also really helped me a bit: http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emo...&spiritual.htm.

In my opinion, Teen Mom glamorizes parenting and makes it seem a lot more easy/better than it really is. It's hard work taking care of a child - financially, emotionally, and physically.

As for the 'another chance' thing. I mean, everyone is going to have a different opinion based on their religion and beliefs. Whatever you want to believe, believe it. I'm not sure, myself, of an afterlife. But I do vividly recall one night where I had a dream of my baby - how I pictured him when he grew a little older - and he held my hand and told me that he understood why I did what I did and he loved me regardless.
Even though it was all a dream, it was nice to dream of him saying that. And I do hope, if he knew why, he would have understood why I felt the need to.

It's definitely a hard loss to take and it's not easy to handle afterward, regardless of what people think. A year later, me and my boyfriend still have our bad days. But we also have good ones.

What helps me sometimes are:
- Give your baby a name. It makes you feel closer to them and more there.
- Remember your reasons for WHY you did what you did.
- Cry if you feel the need to. Try not to dwell on it though.
- During a special date/anniversary, hold a small ceremony of some sort. Whether it's a lighting of a candle or just saying a word or two.
- Talk to him/her. My boyfriend used to think I was crazy because I'd lay in bed at night in the very beginning and just... talk. It really helped me to tell 'him' things.

No one can tell you if it was the right decision. In fact, when it comes to deciding, I don't think there IS a right decision. All three are hard. All three have consequences. And no matter which you pick, you'll still end up asking this question.
You just need to remind yourself of why you chose this one and remind yourself that, at the time, it was the BEST decision you could have made at the time you had to make it.

It WILL get better in time.
I can promise you that. Overtime, the pain will ease and it'll grow easier day by day.

If you ever need someone to talk to about this or anything, don't hesitate to PM me.
<3

[SpaceSailor]

Thank you so much for your reply. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. You really put things into perspective for me.

I did give my baby a name, before the abortion, even though I already knew I was going through with it. And although it was to early to tell, I knew that my baby Eden was a boy - I don't know how. I have dreams of him sometimes, he would 8 months old (today actually - if he came on his due date) if I had gone through the pregnancy.

I just hope that he had another chance at life with someone else.

[Le bonheur*]

I didn't have an abortion, I had a miscarriage. But I gave my babies names and I set off a balloon with their name and birthday (day I miscarried) on it. I have dreams about them growing up and it's hard. It's normal to think what if, but you have to think about it in a positive matter and think that Eden would have been proud of you for making the right decision for both of you. Also, that he is safe whereever he is. Whatever you want to believe, if he's with another family, up in Heaven, etc.. is fine. That's TOTALLY up to you. I believe my children's spirits are still with me. I feel them in my heart and I believe in them. With that said, if you have any other questions, etc. feel free to PM me.

[escape_thereal_world]

I'm glad Liz was able to help you She stated everything so well!

I also miscarried, but I don't think it matters how anyone lost their child, they've still lost him or her. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Don't regret your decision - you had reasons that made sense to you then. Remind yourself of them. Perhaps now things might be different and you would have kept your baby, but NOW is not when you were pregnant.

<3 Feel free to PM if you ever want to talk.

[CrimeStopper]

Hi there. First you did make the right choice. You made the choice that would best benefit you at the time and you have to think about how much happier your baby is in heaven then possibly being born unplanned. Your baby is smiling down on you and loves you more then anything in this world. It's fully normal to question your decision. It's only life. But you have to remember that everything happens for a reason and that you made the choice that you had to make in the moment. You can always sit down and talk with your baby.

I personally do feel that our babies get a second chance at life. Everyone gets a second chance at life. Our babies are shining through other new borns making them full and complete. Our babies are helping other babies and there parents become all they can be. When you are older and do start to have a family your baby will shine so bright and strong through those children. Your baby will live on even more through there siblings. Your baby is living on through you too.

I know what you are going through. I had an abortion done a year ago in May. May 28th, but I was 4.5 months ago! I was technically half way there. So I was able to really feel what it was like being pregnant. But when May 28th came around this year I did think even more hard about my baby. But I also know that I did what I had to do at the time. I'm happy about my choice but I do think about what life would of been like if I had my child. But when I look up and see my baby they are the most cutest, shiniest, twinkling star that I have ever seen and they are smiling so BIG saying mommy I love you and thank you.

It's something as females we will always think about. Whether we have a abortion or not. We will always think about babies, having one, going through the pregnancy and so on. But you just have to think about how happy your child is and the positive that came out of your choice. It's not all a bad thing. I hope you are doing better. You can always send me a message. I never talk to anyone about my abortion and sometimes it would be nice to get it out.