So broody and so frustrated :\

[Em92]

Hi everyone, i'm new on here and is wondering if anyone can help me.
Ive seen a few posts on here about broodyness and i am in the exact same boat and need someone to talk to.
Me and my boyfriend have been together since january, we are very close. Every single day all i think about is having a baby. I am only 19 and i know i am still very young. A very large number of my friends have babies and i feel very jealous of them. All ive ever wanted is a family and a baby of my own. I work full time and so does my boyfriend who earns a good wage. Its got to a point now where i am beginning to be very depressed and down for the majority of the day. I work in a nursery and work with very young children on a daily basis and this gets me even more broody. My boyfriend already has a child of his own with his ex girlfriend, and i dont think he wants another. I am on birth controll but sometimes i force myself not to take it just for that slim chance that i could get myself pregnant. I know that might seem selfish but i need something to take my mind off babys and i just dont know what to do.
Please help

No abusive replies please.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by Em92

I am on birth controll but sometimes i force myself not to take it just for that slim chance that i could get myself pregnant..

I'm not trying to sound rude here, but that's not ok. You can't try to trick your boyfriend into getting you pregnant.

Now with the broodyness, I've been there. And it's frustrating. What I did was tell myself that I'm not in a place where having a baby would be a good idea right now. I want to be able to have a life first, be married first, get to go out to the bars on my 21st birthday!

My sister had a baby when she was 21, and all she is now is a mother. She doesn't go out and do anything, because she can't. It's best to wait until you're not sacrificing your whole life.

[tamz]

I agree with Lissa, it's not okay to stop taking your birth control if your partner is not okay with it. Don't you want your baby to have a mum AND a dad that wants him / her?
I know you say you work in a nursery with young children but do you really know what it's like having a child of your own? I have a step son and whilst he's not with us all the time, it's hard work when he is.

Our average day when he's with us goes something like this; Lil man wakes up around 6:30am, buzzing with life and obviously wants us to play with him. We get him up, have a little play and give him a bath around 8/8:30ish. Get him dressed and fed for around 930. If we're lucky we'll manage to have a slice of toast around 10ish. Play some more, maybe take him to the park or something and then he'll normally have a nap for a few hours around 12ish. Get the chores done during that time, tidying up the house and any mess he's made that morning. He wakes up around 2ish and then he'll have some lunch whilst watching tv but he needs us to feed him. Hopefully then we'll get to have some food around 3ish although sometimes we don't have anything again until tea time. He normally plays with us for the rest of the day then until tea time at say 5:30/6ish. Tidy up after tea and get him into his pyjamas and ready for cuddles around 7:30ish. Normally takes him another hour then to drop off if we're lucky. Lately he's having bad teething problems so he wakes up frequently in the night crying his eyes out and the only way to get him to sleep is by giving him cuddles and putting him back down again until his sleep again and this can go on until gone 12. The process then starts again at 6:30 the next morning.

I know it doesn't sound like much but working in a nursery you know yourself how demanding young children can be as you have to watch them all the time as they just don't know the dangers of things. It's absolutely exhausting. We try and sort out shopping and things when he's not with us but if it's your child and you're still with the father, you're going to have to do these things with the child around. And if you're not with the father and he wants nothing to do with the child, good luck! You'll barely even have time for a bath in the early days and say goodbye to your sleep for the next few years.

I know it's extremely hard, I've been broody for years and I wouldn't change things for the world with my step son but sometimes I do wish my partner had waited a few years before having one. Are you really in a position to provide the best for your child right now? I know I'm not. I quite often see things that I know he would love and we just can't afford it and that's how I know we're not financially ready for another child. Are you? It's horrible looking at things knowing you can't afford them and when he / she gets a bit older asking for things that you just can't afford. Just try and focus on your job and the knowledge that one day you'll make an amazing parent when both you AND your partner want it

[Le bonheur*]

I completely understand how you feel. After having two miscarriages, I've decided many times that I want to have a baby. I'm so young though, and I have so much life ahead of me.

As for your situation, forcing yourself not to take your birth control for the slim chance of getting pregnant, is wrong. Your boyfriend has no clue about this and what if he was to find out? He wouldn't be too happy..

As for the broodiness what I do to kinda talk myself out of having a baby is saying, "it's hard work", "you have so many years to think about having a baby", "you won't be able to go out", "you're in no place to have a baby". Things like that. It's exhausting to talk myself out of it but at the end of the day I know I'm in no place to raise a baby right now and that's what you gotta do. Maybe if you set up a bank account to start saving for a potential baby you'll get the same feel as providing for a baby. You'll then realize how much money it costs to raise a baby, just by saving.

My sister had a baby at 19, she loves her son to pieces and I love my nephew. But I wouldn't want to give up my life right now to raise a baby that needs all my attention, that I just can't give right now. It's much easier to spoil the baby, love it, and give it back

I hope I helped a bit. Feel free to PM me with anymore concerns/comments.

[tamz]

Btw when I was a lot younger and extremely broody, I posted on a young mum's site a post similar to yours. These are some of the responses from young mums. Of course you don't have to read them but some of their comments helped me through the feelings so hopefully it will help you to;

I've got no easy answer I'm afraid. I don't think those feelings will just go away, they certainly didn't for many of us on here! I had wanted a baby for years when I was with a very long term boyfriend but it just didn't happen in spite of taking risks. That relationship ended, partly because I wanted to settle down and move in together but he got cold feet at the last minute.

After a good long while, I met my husband to be, and we were together within a week. We had our first baby when we'd barely known each other for eleven months (you do the math) and we've been married for three years now with two children. I took a big risk, a BIG risk, and it turned out to be the right thing. I'm not kidding myself that even after three years we're still getting to know each other, it happened very quickly and even when you know someone perfectly people go on changing.

That's my story. If you want the negatives then I may not be the right person, because I've had a very easy time adjusting and love being a mother more than anything. But some days, both girls are crying and I don't know why. The baby is refusing to breastfeed and getting dehydrated, she howls and howls and I know that I can't walk away because she depends on me utterly. The older one is running around pulling things down off the desk because she feels ignored. My orders are behind for my part time job and I know I will lose my stall on the market, and there goes my money for clothes because things are THAT tight. Hubby is working a six day week and the day we do get he falls asleep in the afternoon because he's working so hard. We still can't afford a car. The baby is still feeding badly, I can't express milk, she won't drink from plastic and I won't buy formula unless one of us is literally dying. My toddler starts to cough again and I can't reach her inhalor since I'm trying to latch the baby on and she's taking it for the first time today. Two lives are quite literally mine and mine alone to protect, and my head feels like it's going to explode from having to balance the two of them...

I feel like this very very rarely, I float through on a cloud half of the time. And on my worst day I wouldn't change it for the world - but perhaps I would change two hours of it for two hours of sleep... With only one it was worse (believe it or not) and it took me six months to get out of my dressing gown. Want horror birth stories? Ask around and you'll hear millions. One friend is still having corrective surgery two years later from a bad stitching job...

If your partner is only worried about money then I can testify that it doesn't matter if you're happy to live with literally a roof over your heads and food and nothing more. Nothing as in, having to save for Christmas presents all year and spending under £100 on them TOTAL. Otherwise, he might be right! Either way you can't force him, I know of nothing worse for a relationship than children tearing apart the pair of you.

These posts don't annoy me at all, you seem to be asking more for a bit of help with your feelings than for permission to get pregnant. THAT kind of post is annoying, especially by girls under 17 who sound like they have not the first idea what having a baby means.

In short, it means putting someone else first almost every second of every day and night. For a very long time. It means shushing and rocking a baby at three in the morning when you haven't slept more than four hours for two months. It means doing things you don't want to do for the health of your baby. It means making choices - constant choices - that could mean life or death for another human being. It is pain, responsibility, warmth, exhaustion, glory, terror, helplessness, striving, trouble. It is life itself, the whole of your life for the rest of your life. For me that pretty much sums it up.


Hi

Having a baby is so hard. Nothing can prepare you for the sheer exhaustion of being up in the night and then getting up at 7am and starting the day all over again. My little boy Jeremiah is nearly 1 now but when he was tiny I felt so lonely but although I was desperate to go out and meet other mums it took so much effort to get Jeremiah ready to go out and to get into town on the bus that he was 6 weeks old before I managed it on my own. Money is really tight. I want to do loads of stuff with Jeremiah, buy him nice clothes and toys and take him out to different things but we just can't afford it. Before he started smiling it was really hard caring for him but not getting any response. Don't get me wrong, Jeremiah is absolutely gorgeous and I love him so much but it is really hard. When you have a baby you are responsible for that baby for the rest of your life. I haven't been out without Jeremiah since January and I rarely get to do something for myself like wash my hair, have a relaxing bath or do my cardmaking. On Saturday morning I tried to wash my hair but I had to get out before I'd finished because Jeremiah was trying to eat the toilet roll. I think you need to have a look on this board and others and read a few posts from people who are struggling. I'm not really sure how to get rid of those broody feelings apart from maybe doing some stuff that you wouldn't be able to do with children and enjoying your freedom.


i thougth id give you an idea of my day from gettin up until bed time,maybe it wont seem so bad written down,i dunno....lol

7.30-get up,make breakfast table up for 3 of us (brush teeth)
7.45- Get hubby and Baby up and down stairs for breakfast
8.30- Wash and dress Evan, make Wills buttie box up.
8.45- drop Will of at work (we only have one car and i use it in the day)
9.00-get home,get dressed myself and ut Evan in lounge to play
9.10-clean/tidy house,hoover,run around after Evan climbing around
11.00-get lunch on for me and Evan,tidy kitchen,make milk up..
12-lunch time (half an hour to myself almost)
12.30-Put Evan for a sleep, have a look at textbooks,what work i have to sort out n what i need to read (im doing a BA Hons in management)
1.30- get Evan up,milk feed,change bum...usual things
2.00- start tea,get everything cooked and ready for dinner time
2.30-usually go to a group or swimming,see friends with babies so on...
4.30-walk home,change bu, more milk feed or water,coat baxk on and in car
5.00 pick Will up from Work
5.30- Reheat tea,feed Evan,sit us down at table,eat the dinner
6.30-wash up,wash bottles,quick tidy round kitchen,Wills clotehs in washer
7.00- Bath Evan,get PJ's on,milk feed again,read book,quick cuddle and bed for..
7.30- clotehs in dryer,tidy bathroom
8.00-sit down at last...half hour to self
8.30- shower,hair,usual things
9.15-iron clothes,read more textbook(any coursework)
9.30-go upstairs,will shower,me bed....zzzzzzzzzz

i knolw it seems extreme but that is just a normal well organised day with nothing going wrong,when i have to go into college,car breaks,i need to get food,go doctors whatever its just adds more work,its not easy,its bloody hard work,and although i LOVE my life,im absolutly knackered and have no money for nice things until i graduate which is 2 years away.
think anout it..LOL


Hiya!

It is actually quite nice to hear from someone that realises that it is not all roses and all and that it IS hard work!
I really really wanted a baby with my DP when I was 17 and i took a huge risk by getting preg 4 months before my 18th birthday, I was already living with DP who was at uni, and I was working full time at Vision Express, so we weren't that short for money. I cannot explain why I wanted a baby so young with my DP, I had never felt like that with my past boyfriend, so i knew the way I felt was for real and to be honest we both felt ready and yes people may not agree.

As my DP is at uni, I am supporting us through this, I work 4 days a week and its bloody hard work! I have to admit Dp can be lazy in some sense, as I do all the cooking, getting travis up and that. Dp has Travis on a Wed and sat, Travis goes nursery for two mornings a week and I have him the rest.

The hardest part; Just sleeping in past 8 Am would just be a god sent. Sometimes when he keeps being naughty and however way you try and tell him off, he doesn't listen. You start to wonder to yourself Am I doing this right and so and so. What if he becomes a bully or ruin his life. There is a huge guilt trip when having a baby, as I went out once since having travis (he is 17 months old) and i just felt so guilty I came home after 2 hours. i just can't leave it.
The main thing for me, is not the money, not going out, not anything like that. Knowing that I have to bring up my son as a respectful young man who will treat others with kindness and be hard working. Because there is so much pressure from the outside world that you have to make sure he knows right from wrong and that he feels protect and loved. I feel that is the biggest one. As I love him so so much, and he knows it and he is very affectionate. But as of late, he is becoming aggressive by slapping and throwing things around, I am constantly worrying.

Money wise; I work 4 days a week and get tax creds and trust tax creds are a great help but I don't spend them on myself apart from nappies and nursery. But we live a comfortable life.


Hiya,

I used to feel just like you. I've wanted a baby since I was 13, but believe it or not, Toby was actually a complete suprise (I dont like to use the word 'accident' in regard to a child). I used to spend hours dreaming about having a baby of my own, what things I would buy for him/her, where I would take them, who their God Parents would be. I even fantasised about night feeds. The idea of having a whole little person totally dependant on me seemed so amazing. I never dared to do anything about it though, and never mentioned it to anyone except my bf of 6 months when I was 16. He liked the idea but we were still thinking 'what if?' with careful use of contraception, when we found out I was pregnant. We split up a few weeks later and he has no input now.

Being a mum is just as wonderful as I imagined it would be, but it is sooooo hard. Not only everything you have to do for them physically, but you have to be emotionally available for them 24 hours a day. Rocking and shushing your baby at 3am has no effect whatsoever when you desperately want to be anywhere but there, and your mind is wandering all over the place. Keeping up the constant stream of emotional and verbal communication it takes to keep even a very young baby happy (and which, to start with, is all on your part)is exhausting. You have to be prepared to give up everything for a while; friends, long hot baths, makeup, sleep, food, often all at the same time. For example, this morning, I was up at 7 to feed Toby. I was absolutely starving (breastfeeding makes you EXTREMELY hungry) but didnt have breakfast for another 4 hours because Toby needed feeding, bathing, and then constant holding until his next change and feed, because for some reason he was too upset for me to put him down. By the time I got to eat, I thought I was going to faint. I'm typing this one handed (with the wrong hand) because his colic is bad and I cant put him down.
If that isnt a problem for you the next thing to think about is finances. I know I'm a lot better off money-wise than a lot of the girls on here, but this is only because I'm disabled and get a lot of help as a result. You'd be better off asking other girls about how they do financially, but like Sarah said, if you dont mind roughing it a bit, it can be ok.

I dont know how to help you to overcome your feelings (if that is what you want to do) because it never went away for me, but I will say that I wouldnt advise having a baby until you and your partner have your education, a roof over your head, enough money to keep the essentials coming in, and enough love to get you through the tough times, because it is so difficult to do this on your own.

[Em92]

I know that missing a few pills is very wrong i know it is and i know i shouldnt do it. & i know what you're all saying about it being very hard and i know it is. I probably should have mentioned before but last year i looked after my cousin isabelle from when she was 5 months old, till just last month and now shes 18 months old. Cut a long story short my auntie couldnt cope with her so my mum sort of fostered her for those 13 months. I was the one who loved taking care of her, id get up in the night, take her to nursery and pick her up, make her bottles and meals, bath her, cuddle her. & now shes gone back to living with my auntie and i rarely see her. I think that is whats making me want a baby of my own so much. I know that i should live my life first and go out, the thing is ive been the sensible one within my group of friends because they have all (apart from 1) had children. So i have no one to go out with, apart from my boyfriend. I probably will wait a few more years until i am settled, but all i wanted was to speak to people about it and find out if anyone was in the same boat.
Thanks for your comments.

[tamz]

At the end of the day you're going to do what you want anyway but I really do hope you wait a few more years until you're partner is ready too. Feel free to keep chatting though if it helps with your broodiness