i want to be a mommy

[sv424]

So, I am 18 years old. I am with a guy that I have been with for almost 3 years now, we both know that someday we will get married and have kids. But the thing is, I dont wanna get a job. I WANNA BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.....NOW! I have felt this way ever since I started dating him. I feel like I obsess over having a child of my own that I dont even worry about colleges or jobs or even myself for that matter. I want to have a child and start my family as soon as possible. What should I do?

[Maloo]

Start thinking rationally instead of letting your emotions rule you. Yes, you want a family, but children cost lots of money. Tens of thousands of dollars.

[LostTeen011]

Originally Posted by Maloo

Start thinking rationally instead of letting your emotions rule you. Yes, you want a family, but children cost lots of money. Tens of thousands of dollars.

I just saw on the news this morning that raising one kid costs up to about $225,000 nowadays.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by LostTeen011

I just saw on the news this morning that raising one kid costs up to about $225,000 nowadays.

Even better, then.

[Jas]

There are other things to think about too. I'm in a sort-of-not-really similar position - my body wants children, I want children, the only difference is that I'm not in a stable relationship right now - I bet that if I was I would want to move up my timeline even more. What helps, though, is realizing that if I want to be a mom, I want to be a GOOD mom. And that means bringing a child into a world where my financial situation is stable (so yes, the money part does count). Making sure that they'll have a stable home. Creating a life that is secure in more than just financial ways and providing more than just love. Realizing that there's a chance the child may be a special needs child, etc, that things don't always go smoothly, and figuring out how to deal with that if it comes up. For me personally, having a child would mean losing a little bit of weight and ditching some bad habits before even considering it. Thinking about healthcare, insurance, prenatal care, etc. Also, is your partner as on board with the thought of becoming a dad *now*?

I know it's hard, and biologically sometimes our bodies don't exactly help us out with the wanting to wait factor. But honestly, at 18 (or 20 for me) the likelihood is that while you might feel ready in some ways, you're probably not. So what should you do? That's up to you. Talk to your partner, figure out what kind of a timeline you're thinking about. Work, create a life with your partner beyond the life you grew up in. You've got so much time..

[LostTeen011]

Originally Posted by Maloo

Even better, then.

Haha! Just knowing that fact should be a great contraceptive.

[escape_thereal_world]

Even if I wanted to have a child and get second-hand items,etc. For the first year it would still cost around $8000. Then add on big people food, gas for driving to and from daycare/school/docs, and new clothes. Those costs had been without doctor visits. Etc

Cost is a good way to rationalize. Also, if you two are living apart that would be a very hard thing to do. Even if you wanted to move in together when you were pregnant, that's even more money to add on.

Really, unless you have a well paying steady job, have good support, could afford a babysitter, live with your partner, and find the time to spend with a child it is not ideal. (Mind you, I said ideal as I know my mother raised me while living at her mom's home and couldn't afford much).

When you have a child, don't you want it to be ideal? Don't you want to be able to walk through a store and say "Oh, this is cute. I'm buying it for them." Or when they are 4 be able to buy the ice cream and a toy or two at random? I do, which is what is keeping me from trying for a child right now.

Also, here is another thread on the same subject.

[LittleMiss]

Have you talked to your partner to see if he thinks he can support both you and a baby?
I mean, he may feel that both of you should pull your weight financially or he might like the idea of being the sole bread-winner and the support for you.
But you won't know unless you talk to him about it but you do need to talk, otherwise it wouldn't be fair.

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by LittleMiss

Have you talked to your partner to see if he thinks he can support both you and a baby?
I mean, he may feel that both of you should pull your weight financially or he might like the idea of being the sole bread-winner and the support for you.
But you won't know unless you talk to him about it but you do need to talk, otherwise it wouldn't be fair.

I agree with this. Your partner may be willing to be the "head of household" type person and support you, himself, and the baby. If a baby is really what you want right now - you need to talk to him. Don't get pregnant and trap him into it cause that's wrong, but if it's something that you both want; then go for it. Just be prepared for a struggle because one paycheck usually can't pay for 3 people at once.. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

[rajesh51]

hi

this is information about the pregnant woman . At this first visit, your health care provider likely do a pregnancy test, and will figure out how many weeks pregnant you are based on a physical examination and the date of your last period. He or she will also use this information to predict your delivery date (however, an ultrasound performed sometime during your pregnancy will help to verify that date).

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Originally Posted by Maloo

Start thinking rationally instead of letting your emotions rule you. .

This. Just because you want to be a mom doesn't mean the circumstances are right. You may even change your mind if you ARE ever in that situation. I know that personally, I want to have kids & be married to my boyfriend, but when I don't get my period on time, I still flip out. 18 is way to young for planned kids.

[chickenonsteroids]

I read a book on how emotions can screw up your life. It was interesting, i think i'll read it again.

Anyway, your only 18, you have a life to live. Come back in a few years with a good job, more money and then you can enjoy bringing up your child without worrying about the costs as much as you would now