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Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Stuckinhell Offline
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Miscarriage: Envy - March 21st 2009, 03:43 PM

Over the last two years I've miscarried 2 times, perhaps a 3rd very early on. I've been told by doctors that it's unlikely I'll have children. I've got over them, with mixed emotions, partially relieved as a child wasnt wanted, but partially in pain of loss.

Although I've come to terms with them, I always feel so angry and jealous when I see pregnant people or those with babies. I just feel so jealous, that they get something I cant have.

It's like, what did I do wrong? I always feel so guilty. But more, I see some young people pregnant, smoking, drinking and things. And i get so angry. They have something, chances are i'll never have, and yet, they dont care. I could make such a good mum...not now but later...and yet I wont get this chance.

It's got worse recently, I feel so low, and start crying when I see someone with there baby. I just feel so jealous. Angry that I cant have what I deserve, what I want. And what I'll be good at.

So. Sorry for the rant. I know its long, but I just need help. I feel so mixed up and dont know how to cope with my feelings. I mean. I'm too young to be planning a child now, so why the loss has such an impact on me now I dont know. Any one have similar experiences or advice. I feel so alone


   
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drowningangel Offline
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 21st 2009, 11:47 PM

Oh Maia. I can completely idenfity with you. I have conditions, physically, that will keep me from ever having children myself. I had that choice taken away from me, and it's not a bad thing to feel anger or envy about it. Just allow yourself to address those emotions. Don't feel like they're wrong or mean.

You're going to grieve for those two children you lost and the options to have children that you should have had but don't.

Don't ignore those feelings. Don't push them off. They're normal and okay.

<3


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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 01:29 AM

Hey, I miscarried back in Nov. 2008. And although I don't know completely what you are going through, I understand in some ways. I would not give up hope on ever having children. Your doctor can try things to help you carry a child. Such as; progesterone supplements, vitamins, etc. You can try things in order to have children. And I know that those outcomes may not be successful but you could try. And never forget that you could always adopt. Make sure you deal with what your feeling, dont bottle it up. I am sorry for your losses, and I hope that you will start feeling better about it soon.


Single Mommy since July 2011
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my back-to-back babies are 1 year, 1 week and 1 day apart.
   
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 04:49 AM

Well if a baby is what you want, don't give up. Keep trying. You've only had 3 miscarriages. My mom had about 10 before she had me. Just keep trying and don't give up hope
   
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 09:47 AM

I agree with the post above. Plus you are still so young. Maybe your body is just not ready for a child yet. You've got your WHOLE life ahead of you. The doctors aren't always right, don't give up hope! And even if they are, there are so many other ways to have children! My mum miscarried about 3 times in between me and my brother and then had 2 more children. Good luck and stay strong x


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and they didn't even put up a fight,
they didn't even make a sound...
   
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 12:56 PM

You are only 17. As unfair as it is, the doctors probably just want you to stop trying for a few years.
Wait two years or so, and then try. Go to the doctors as soon as you think you are pregnant, and they'll give you vitamin injections and more regular scans.
Unfortunatly, the medical options arent really available to you while your so young, but when you turn 18/19, you'll find the doctors are much more willing to help.

If you wanna talk about it, PM me. I can completely empathize with how you feel, unfortunately


Can you help this girl?
http://helpkayti.webs.com/

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
(I hope there's ice on all the roads.)
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
   
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 01:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by samedifference View Post
I agree with the post above. Plus you are still so young. Maybe your body is just not ready for a child yet. You've got your WHOLE life ahead of you. The doctors aren't always right, don't give up hope! And even if they are, there are so many other ways to have children! My mum miscarried about 3 times in between me and my brother and then had 2 more children. Good luck and stay strong x
Quoting this because it's true. First and foremost, I agree with the part about perhaps it's your body giving you some weird funky message that it's not quite ready to support a baby for nine months yet. Are you at a place where you can fully support another person into your family - financially, mentally, and physically? If not, I don't necessarily think you should try again just yet. However, the poster I quoted is right. You don't know how many times doctors give people "you won't live past" dates and they breeze through them. If you want to be a mother, do try again, but maybe just not yet. My mum had a miscarriage before me and my sister were born. It's possible to bounce back. Take care of yourself. ^^



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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 02:44 PM

I agree with Mangoe-dont give up.
My mom had 13 miscarriages before she had my sister, then after my sister she had 2 more and the doctors told her she'd never have any more kids, or even get pregnant, but a little over 5 years after my sister was born, i was conceived. So not all things the doctors say are true. Don't give up hope.


~~Jessica and Michael~~

We started dating 11/22/08
He told me he loved me on his 8th birthday
And i never believed he still would
After all that time....
until the day that changed my life
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Re: Miscarriage: Envy - March 22nd 2009, 04:31 PM

thanks for the support. Firstly...I'm not trying to get pregnant....the first time wasn't consentual...the second the condom broke, and i took the morning after pill...jst not straight away as had to wait til monday...3rd time I was on the pill and taken it properly...

So whilst I'm not trying now, I'm thinking of the future. And i feel so guilty because it's my fault that my bodies so screwed up. Had problems eating and i didnt listen to the doctors warning. It's like i'm punishing myself.


   
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