Dating someone who ISN'T the father??

[chhd]

So I'm 12 weeks today ( YAYYY ) I was talking to this guy when I found out I was pregnant. He was there with me when I took the test because I knew something wasn't right and I wanted to be sure. I was so upset because I had known this guy for a while and I was finally starting to have feelings for someone else who wasn't my ex (father of my baby). But my friend was pressuring me to keep the baby and the guy I was talking to was offering to pay for an abortion. At the time he said it was because he wanted to be with me and everyone would talk and it would be weird if I kept it. I told him that I cared about him and that I hoped he'd change his mind because I wasn't changing mine..I wanted to keep my baby. So I was 8 weeks when I found out, I was scared and he left.. I got back together with my ex/baby's father and realized he was never going to change. (he is physically and emotionally abusive and has almost killed me a couple of times) The other guy called me almost every other day for three weeks and I was very rude to him ( I don't really let too many people in my life and when I feel hurt that's usually it for that person having a spot in my life.) But I finally asked him why he was still calling me even though he knew I wasn't going to change my mind and that I was having a baby. He got mad and said "I didn't really care if you got rid of the baby or not...I just wanted YOU to make this decision on your own." ( He felt like I was keeping it because of my friend pressuring me) He said when he found out we weren't friends anymore and that I was still dead-set on keeping my baby that he still wanted to be with me. So I spent all weekend with him and his family (they LOVE me) and he asked me out and I said yes. DD He makes me very very happy, and nervous at the same time. But I just wanted to know if anyone else started dating a different guy while they were pregnant and if so, how did you go about telling people/explaining it to them?

[Amberpamber]

I see no issue in dating some1 who isn't the father of your child. This sort of thing (whether you're pregnant or already had the child) happens alot. You don't have to tell people the specifics if you don't want, since it is your life. Just say it didn't work out with him and you found some1 that did and that you're happy with him. Also glad to see that he's willing to be the father in the baby's life. I wish you both the best of luck!

[snoogums]

I had a guy I was interested in while I was pregnant and my baby is now about 2 months old and I am dating that same guy. If the father of your baby isn't a very good guy and this new guy is nice to you and your baby then its all good .

[david2357]

if your with a new guy, its fine as long as you dont make the father pay child support for the next 18 years

[snoogums]

Originally Posted by david2357

if your with a new guy, its fine as long as you dont make the father pay child support for the next 18 years

I disagree with this. If you were in a relationship with someone and agreed on the decision to have sex then it is both of the parent's responsibility to take care of the baby if they get pregnant. A kid deserves to know both parents and to have both parents involved in their lives. If you split up then whatever parent the kid doesn't live with should pay support. It cost a lot of money to support a kid and weather you get together with another person shouldn't matter. Just my opinion though you are entitled to yours.

[Amberpamber]

I agree, since you were in a relationship with him and now aren't, he should still help to raise the child in some capacity even if the only support is just the child support money.

[iHEAVENn]

Originally Posted by david2357

if your with a new guy, its fine as long as you dont make the father pay child support for the next 18 years

That is the most idiotic thing I have ever read.

New guy is NOT the father, has NO parental rights to the unborn baby.

The birth father IS the father, and even if the parents are not together he still has an obligation to provide for HIS child

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by iHEAVENn

New guy is NOT the father, has NO parental rights to the unborn baby.

The birth father IS the father, and even if the parents are not together he still has an obligation to provide for HIS child

This.

Also, I was pregnant (had a miscarriage) and I wasn't with the father; I was with a new guy and he told me that he would protect me and my baby from the abusive father/ex-bf. Everyone understood.

I really don't see a problem with being with someone who would be great to you and your baby and that shouldn't be frowned upon by anybody.

[david2357]

I hope you at least allow him visitation rights or half custody rights

[justfallinginlove]

if your with a new guy, its fine as long as you dont make the father pay child support for the next 18 years

I totally agree with Blue and Amy! This is a ridiculous statement. The father is still the baby's father and he still has an obligation to the baby and his/her mother.


So I have no experience with this, but the first thing that came to mind was The Secret Life of the American Teeneger's 1st season. I know its just a tv show but maybe it'd kinda show how she explained it and stuff? haha idk I think, like others have said, that as long as he is good to you and your baby then that is fantastic.
Good luck with the pregnancy and congrats on deciding to keep the baby. Oh and the new beau!
PM me if u ever need anything.

[tinkz]

Originally Posted by david2357

I hope you at least allow him visitation rights or half custody rights

To be honest, I think you have no idea what you are going on about, first the comment about not making the father pay for the next 18 years and now this..

If the father of the baby had treated her correctly in the first place, then the situation would probably be somewhat different. Either way, if the father can't keep his fists to himself around a woman he supposedly loves, then do you really think he will around his child? I'm sorry, but in my short experience of life, a leopard never changes its spots.

Furthermore, the father should pay child support as it is his child after all, he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and it would be the same the other way around, if the father was to bring the child up rather than the mother. As for seeing the child, that is completely down to the mother since you don't know the father, you don't know what he is capable of, the situation is not black and white.

[abandoning]

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
I left my daughter's biological father when I was 3 months pregnant and met a guy I thought I really liked and started dating him. After I had my daughter... I realized I didn't love him (He cheated on me and he wasn't all I expected him to be) and I left him. I really hurt him. He signed my daughters birth certificate (I only let him because I didn't want to hurt him and say no... Now my husband and I have to go through a lengthy process to have him removed. :[)

No I don't expect this to happen the same as it did for me... I was beyond naive and being very selfish.

I met my husband after I had my daughter... she was a few months old... and HE is my savior. I don't know what I would do without him (I didn't feel this way with my ex... I was just mostly annoyed with him) Timmy (my husband) took in my daughter as his own and LOVES her, and he LOVES me! We have a fantastic relationship and are expecting our second child at the end of December.

Just make sure he KNOWS that your having a BABY and you are both on the same page...
I think it can be fine and wonderful... just avoid the mistakes I made. And congrats on the baby!

My daughters biological father is diagnosed schizophrenic and was very unpredictable and dangerous.

OH and NO ONE would guess my husband wasn't my daughters real dad, and I love him more because of his love for Cecelia, he is a PHENOMENAL father and I wish I had met him during my pregnancy.