what can end up happening? Neither of us is ready but one of us can't realize it?

[justme1119]

I was stupid you could say back in September I had sex with a random girl when I was drunk. I knew her beforehand. Well in my right mind I'd not have slept with her because I knew her reputation was not good. She sleeps around with anyone. She's as I said before insane. She thinks pretty delusional stuff like about the baby like it's got extraodinary powers or will a pandemic she thinks she has a sixth sense and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Don't really see how she's paranoid but I guess that's what her meds are for. I must say they aren't as effective as they should've been imo. Anyway, she's in a facility now to get help for it to be hospitalized and has been hospitalized several times before for suicide attempts stripping etc reason that I know.. I myself have been hospitalized once before as well a year ago. For mainly attempting suicide, I have no mental illness besides that I'm battling depression. I battle substance abuse cutting break downs and recovering from a really bad relationship abusive that is etc. I don't take to stress and when under a lot of stress I will hurt myself if I don't handle it right. I don't have a job I'm 14 and she doesn't she's 16. Our families aren't the best either. My dad has money but he's really the only close family I have. His job is way demanding I rarely see him on weekends not like I'd get any help from family. Her mom is a drug addict I believe who I don't even think has a job ga disabled kid sister I believe helps out that's not anything I know for a fact. I have felt more and more that like neither of us are anywhere in a good place to parent. I just don't see where the kidll end up when all is said and done. She's not interested in adoption. I feel horrible if foster care's the only choice because I know how dangerous those homes are. Her mother was trying to pressure into abortion but she's 13 wks and still not caving I'd say the door is closed for that. I am really nervous for what is to come with when she has it. I have even talked to an agency and they say they really can't talk to me about it until she agrees no matter what the situation is. I feel lost in it all when I think of only good thing is I'm distant from it since I'm not close to her I've talked to her and been involved with her more but it's not an everyday thing since I'm not even having any legal obligations yet. Any advice?

[myra1994]

its completely your decision what you do but obviously you have to live with the consequences. i used to get furious at fathers who dont wanna know their baby because my dad was like that. but if your not ready to be a dad right now, just say, and you wont have to be involved. you may want to keep some doors open just in case when your older you want to know her, but right now, you have to look after yourself it seems. there would be some criticism for "abandoning" your baby but what i say is: are you able to give it the life it deserves? take some time and think about it, you still have 27odd weeks

[The Goblins Blade]

Do you what you want mate, i suggest just walking away to avoid all of the baggage.

[justme1119]

it's not just that I don't want to be involved though. I care a bit about what happens to it. I just feel like it's so not realistically planned out. I don't want it to go to fc. That's one thing I don't want. And I know Mellissa nor will her family be a good environment. That's more my concern and issue really.... I am not just being a dedbeat. I just know she won't be a good environment and I couldn't with help like hers....

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

Do you what you want mate, i suggest just walking away to avoid all of the baggage.

I'm not concerned for her more our child.

[delete]

Are you sure you're the father?

[justme1119]

it seems like it is mine it's exactly the date dating back to when we had sex. So yea I'm convinced it's mine.

[blumemusik♫]

If she does end up having the baby, you can ask for a paternity test. If it's yours, it's completely your decision whether you continue to actively be a part of the child's life or not, though you will probably have to pay some kind of child support.

Best of luck!<3

[justme1119]

I want to be involved IF there's a way to provide a good family environment for it. But I don't know I mean does it sound possible to you? If it does how? I mean to me I don't see on her end how it would work.....

[delete]

If she slept with anyone else within about a week of the conception, get a paternity test. It couldn't hurt, and I'd sincerely advise that if you said she gets around some. Don't just go on her word either. I feel terrible for you since the child in question wouldn't exactly have a fit environment. She could be deemed and I think would be deemed an unfit mother and possible danger to the child. If the child is really yours, possibly try looking into an open adoption or maybe temporary foster care. One good option is signing custody over temporarily to a fit guardian. I have definately heard of that being done. Until you get yours life together, maybe look into that. I'm sorry you all had to go through this. Personally, I don't feel like it's necessarily fair that she's not even considering an abortion b/c although I love children, I think it's only fair to bring them into a world where it would be fit, and you're only 14! That's not fair to you either, especially because she is older than you. Good luck though okay? Somehow, just keep your head up, because it will eventually all work out no matter what or how corny it sounds

[delete]

Originally Posted by justme1119

it seems like it is mine it's exactly the date dating back to when we had sex. So yea I'm convinced it's mine.

I wouldn't be so sure because of her reputation. I'm not saying something bad about her, but it does happen. My ex had a child but because the mother cheated on him within a week of the conception date, the paternity was questioned because of when she had sex with another man.

[justme1119]

really I'm going to take a paternity test when she has it but more than likely it is mine. I don't really wish that she'd abort if it would bother her just wish it could be realistic really. I know she counts as well I am looking into maybe temporary guardianship but to whom I'm not sure.

[Total Light Storm]

Hi,

I have a couple of things to say here:
First off, in regards to what a previous poster saying about child support, I don't think in this situation you have explained here, that you would have to pay child support to the child if she were to keep it. I'm not sure which state you are in, but I know for my state, sixteen is legal conscent for sex and sense she is sixteen and you are fourteen, although you conscented to having sex, you wouldn't be deemed liable or have to pay child support because you are below the legal age of consent and it would be viewed as her making you, sense you were also under the influance of alcohol at the time. (don't quote me on this, because I could be wrong, but that's just how I view that part of the discussion that has come up)
I think that you should try and keep contact with her and tell her to let you know as soon as she knows, what she wants to be done with the child, you have a right to know and may be able to help her make a decision.
I think looking into either adoption or foster care would be a good idea. I also do have a feeling though, that if her family is the way it sounds and she is the way you describe her, that the child will at some point shortly after being born end up in foster care, where after a certain amount of months of placement (I think it is either 12-15 or 15-18 months), the child goes up for adoption after both parents sign off custody of the child. (I'm not sure on the signing off of custody with children born to parents that are both under 18) Also, if her family is already in the system of CPS or DSS, they will probably already or at some point, find out she is pregnant and be a part in the decision making process as to what happens to the child, which may include taking the child just after birth and putting them in a foster home if they view that as necessary.
Also, just a side note about foster care and foster parents (I have been in foster care and live with people that are foster parents though I am not a foster child anymore, I do know many people that are foster parents) Most people that enter the classes and programs to become foster parents do it to become foster parents of young children, mostly infants and toddlers in order to eventually adopt children or a child they foster, so the child going to a foster home may not be as bad of an idea as you seem to fear.
If the route of adoption is chosen and you want to still have contact with the child after it is adopted, request an open adoption, that way you can get info and updates through letters, photos and even possibly visit your child on certain accasions.
I really hope that I have helped otu in some way and sorry for the long reply, I just had a lot I felt I should add in response.
If you ever need any help or want someone to talk to, you can PM me and I will be glad to help as best as I can.

[justme1119]

I'm not sure if she'd ever agree to adoption. I don't want indefinite foster care if she refuses. I was actually 13 and she turned 16 recently. So when we had sex, we were both underage. We're only 21 months apart. I only will be involved with people at least 2 years older than myself. I don't know what's cps or dss?