so her mom finally caved?

[justme1119]

well the girl I go to school with that I got pregnant has insisted she wanted to keep it and even just getting and being better she still wants to keep it now. Her mom's had a complete change at first she as her legal guardian and because she is unstable that possibly an adoption could be made since she wouldn't support her having a child. Now she totally supports her decision. And I'm not comfortable with her taking care of our daughter because they live on ga none of them work and her mom looks like she does drugs claims she's recovered I don't really believe her though. I don't get why someone who isn't even my daughter's parent has a right in any of this. I don't know it just doesn't seem ideal and I worry a lot about my daugter's future idk........

[Aletheia*]

Well, as this girl's legal guardian, she does have a right to take care of the child if your girlfriend/girl you got pregnant is not fit to take care of the child herself. It's not a permanent decision. It could be permanent, or it could be temporary until your girlfriend/girl you got pregnant is stable enough to care for a child on her own. I would talk to them. If you want to be part of your daughter's life, then you need to talk to them about this. Ask them to be a part of their decision making processes as you do have rights too.

[justme1119]

well I planned to be involved no matter what. Just because I want to place doesn't mean I didn't want an open adoption. I just think the adoptive family would be a better choice. Than living off ga and having an ex-addict raise her. I don't feel comfortable with that I just feel she deserves the best parents possible in the best environment... She's not my gf btw. I've talked to them about it. It was agreed since mellissa's not capable really of taking responsibility in parenting and I wanted to place and her mom wanted her to abort to start with. That adoption would and could be an option not without either of co-operation though.

[escape_thereal_world]

Firstly, there is nothing wrong living off of state/federal assistance. That could all be debated, but that should not affect the view on anyone. My mother lived off of welfare and several other things my entire life, and still does. She needs it. Should she have had children? Probably not. But she did and it wasn't on purpose. So she raised us with the assistance and then got "fixed" so she wouldn't have anymore kids.
It's not ideal. But it works and as long as she doesn't want several grand babies living under her roof, then it shouldn't affect anyone's view of her.

Also, since the grandmother will be the legal guardian, there will be cehck-ups on them yearly. And if you are involved, then you can check on the welfare of your baby. If at any point you think something is not right, bring it up to police or CPS (child protective services/protection services). If you find any physical evidence, take pictures immediately, put them in an envelope, mail it to YOUR address, do not open it. Make sure you make a copy and while the original is being mailed, take that one to court. This way when they ask for proof the picture(s) were taken on those dates, you can give them the sealed envelope with stamps from the post office indicating the date.

That can be used as proof.

The fact that she is an EX addict, should say something...it's hard to overcome addictions. If she claims she is an ex, then maybe she is. Which proves a lot of will power and strength,

I don't know the whole situation, but it doesn't sound like your daughter will be in danger. Again, I don't know the situation.

Also, open adoption is EXTREMELY rare. A good 90%+ of parents who adopt want a closed adoption because they want to raise the child as their own and not have the bio parents involved. A lot of adoption agencies don't even let you have that option. They are solely closed adoptions.

Unfortunately, the father has no right in what happens. So you can keep talking about it, and keep giving your reasons, facts, statistics, etc. in hope that they might agree with you.

You could do research into the adoption agency you would want, how likely an open adoption would be, the cost of keeping a baby, the rights you would have with an open adoption (which isn't many), etc. Present it to them. Share your side.

Hope this helps a little bit. Probably most of this you have already tried, done, or know. But I hope it still helps just a bit.

[justme1119]

yea the agency I was speaking about had many families with open adoption. I guess because I don't come from a poor family I don't see how that's a good environment for her to grow up poor with a woman who has past demons. I really think she deserves the very best. I just don't think her mom is that. I mean if it's not permanent that she has no stability. I just feel that's a recipe that disaster I did talk to them about it they're more excited than really the facts and she as the one who can make this decision doesn't seem to be taking it seriously.

[Aletheia*]

Everyone has past demons. There is really nothing that can be done about that. She has a past, as do we all. Her past just has things some of us might not. You can't blame her for that. We all make mistakes. But, living off government assistance isn't a bad thing; up until I was 19, my mom lived off of government assistance as well. It's how I got my medical insurance but until then. Without that, I wouldn't have been healthy (I'm a sick person, health wise). I wouldn't have gotten better. Truthfully, living off government assistance is a debatable subject, which this topic isn't about. Not everyone has been or will be as privledged as you. You could always take this situation to court, to get the child in your full custody, if you wish. But, fighting for your child to be adopted wouldn't work. A court would rule against it since someone is willing to take care of the child, and who can provide for him/her, no matter what they have to do to do it. Let's face it: She isn't selling drugs or her body to get money to take care of the baby. She's getting help from the state/government. There is nothing wrong with that. At least your child would have everything he/she needs, no matter what. With those monthly visits, they will have little to no chance to trying to keep the money for themselves, or using it for their own benefit. Those monthly visits will make sure the baby has everything, and if he/she doesn't, then the baby will be taken to you or to a family who could be more helpful in providing a healthy & good life for the child.

[justme1119]

I'm not ready to take on that responsibility I have a lot of issues I could never do full custody I'm not even old enough my dad is the family I have and he's always working I'm not anywhere in my life to do it really not there and I'm not priveledged money isn't everything.
but neither is her daughter so in any other situation this would be just adoption with no question but it's not even her kid. It's obvious if her daughter could make the decision it would be placed. Idk it does no good to complain it's frustrating I know I should get used to it but when it involves my child's future it's just hard not to stress over well I have a few more months til I worry about that I guess...

[Aletheia*]

I'm not saying this to be rude, or mean, but you say you aren't ready for the responsibility? You should have thought about that before you had sex. You were responsible enough to take THAT on, you should be responsible enough to handle the consequences. I know there are certain circumstances where this would be impossible, but your situation is not. This girl OBVIOUSLY wants to keep the baby in her life, therefore she's letting her mother/grandmother take custody of the child until she can raise him/her as she wants. If the child has someone willing to take care of them, there is no reason for him/her to be placed with an adoptive family. YES, it would be the most ideal situation, but this girl HAD to agree to her mother doing this. Her mother CAN'T just take custody like that without doing some sort of court or legal action. This girl had to give up her rights to the child, or this wouldn't be happening. If you want something else to be done, you need to communicate with them. Yes, it's frustrating, but as the child's father, you have a right to express what you'd like down, as long as it's within the child's best interest, and in this case, it would be. But, don't expect them to change their minds. It sounds like they're pretty dead set on what they're going to do, and you can't force them to change their minds. Just be happy that the baby won't have to go through hard and often painful processes during the adoption process. It could take a LONG time for your child to be placed with a decent family. Right now, everyone wants to adopt a newborn, but since there is so many waiting to be placed in good homes, it could take your child a while before he/she can be with their adoptive family. With the situation you're in now, he/she will have people around that love them, and are willing to do anything to take care of him/her themselves.

[justme1119]

do you remember me or my situation. I don't feel you do.
I don't really think much when I'm intoxicated well at least sensibly.
my situation is actually impossible to take care of a kid and so is hers. I'm 14. Have a 5 year drug issue and don't do well with stress. I am dealing more with depression after my abusive relationship with my exbf. I honestly don't really have parents. My dad is always at work and my mom is bitch. Yea I'm totally not ready to even take care of myself.
my baby's mom is 16 mentally unstable. Has schizophrenia. Her premise to kep was for delusional reasons anyway. She has gotten 'better' not really but she's halfway found reality. Now she's found it's her only way to keep her so that's why she wants her mom to help. If her mom wouldn't have sided with her she'd really have no choice but to place. I've talked about it with them tried to explain how I see her mom has become like her. Earlier this months the agency had plenty of families who seemed better and could have been a family for her. That's why I think it's a bad choice but really what can I do

[justme1119]

I just looked and sorry I see you've not commented any of my threads besides the first one so you don't know me or my situation sorry for assuming.