How to leave?

[SummerRose]

I'm 17 and have a 5 month old baby girl who i adore and cannot live without. I live with my fiance but lately i don't have any feelings for him. He shouts at me for everything, we argue all the time, he's previously been abusive and he's got a lot of problems. He blames his behaviour on his past and he's a good dad when he wants to be. I've tried to leave before but he made me feel guilty and said that he would lose his son if i did (we have access 2 days a week) and he'd kill himself. What can i do?

[Aletheia*]

Don't let his threats of "killing himself" stop you from leaving. He's using this as a way to keep you around, which also constitutes as abuse. The environment you're in isn't healthy for YOU or the BABY, so you just need to find a good time to pack up your things and go (preferably when he isn't home). You could inform someone, like a close friend of his or family member, about his suicide threats so they can keep an eye on him, but truthfully, he isn't your responsibility. What you should be worrying about most is you and that baby, and getting you to a safe environment.

[Jocelyn.]

I had a boyfriend who would manipulate me by constantly saying he would kill himself if I left. I broke up with him years ago and he is still alive and well... You are a mother now. You and your child's well being is most important, and as heart breaking as the thought of your fiance doing something stupid and erratic if you leave is, you should realize that its best for both of you to not remain with him. Make a plan of where you are going to go and how you will support the both of you and stick with it. You can tell him what you plan on doing or do it while he is not home so he won't try and talk you out of it, whichever you feel more comfortable with.

[George^^]

That is another reason to leave, because that proves he isn't mature. Like others have said, what comes first is you and your little girl. Don't let him make threats to keep you around.

If you want to leave, leave.

[dani99]

Wait, you have a little girl but he'll lose his /son/? I'm a bit confused.

[escape_thereal_world]

Originally Posted by dani99

Wait, you have a little girl but he'll lose his /son/? I'm a bit confused.

He gets custody of HIS son, but they have a daughter together. To some courts, if the partner leaves the parent, it gives the court cause to investigate the parent.


And if he is worried he will lose his son from an investigation, then...he probably isn't a fit father. Also, you can call the police, or go to the police and let them know he threatened to kill himself if you leave, and that you do want to leave. They can make sure you are safe, and they can check up on him to make sure he is safe as well.

And the best way, which is also the hardest, is to leave one day when he isn't home. He won't be there to stop you. He can't guilt you. And he won't be able to harm you.

You can ask the court to give you full custody and you can allow him visitation rights, or allow him to take your daughter for a few days or a weekend (whatever you want since you have full custody). Or you could do joint custody, but this means you share her as equally as possible, and if you leave the state with her, he will have to be notified.

Hope this helps a bit. PM if you need anything more

[Whisperer]

What I did when I broke up with my ex who I knew was unstable was I asked to go to his house when his parents were home. You can also tell his parents about it. It may seem stupid but if he's threatening to kill himself that is not your responsibility you just need to pass it on to someone who can handle that.