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Question Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 03:40 AM

Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with the loss? I already have horrible problems with self harm and I don't want it to get any worse? Also how to deal with telling my husband?
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 03:45 AM

Dealing with the loss of a child is never an easy thing. My best advice to you is to give it time. A miscarriage isn't the easiest thing to go through, but I can assure you that things will get better over time. The wound is fresh, so it's okay to be upset and hurt about what happened. You just need to keep reminding yourself that what happened wasn't your fault. Miscarriages ARE never anyone's fault. Over time, things will get better though you'll never quite be the same which is to be expected.

As for telling your husband, it's best to be honest. He was going to be a parent too, and he needs to know the truth. He might be hurt and upset, but that's to be expected. I'm sure he was just as excited to become a new parent as you were, but he'll understand and know it wasn't your fault.











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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 03:49 AM

Its just so frustrating!! I am kind of worried he has really bad PTSD and is overseas in the army, I am scared! I just can't process anything right at the moment.
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 03:54 AM

Tell him when your ready, but don't prolong it. He IS going to find out even if you don't tell him. I know it's difficult telling your husband things like this. My boyfriend is also in the Army, so I know how well that goes over sometimes. Things might be interpreted wrongly, and being away from each other doesn't give you the time you need to spend with each other. But, keeping a secret from him will be worse than telling him the truth. Trust me, he'll appreciate it.











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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 03:57 AM

I will wait till we get to skype rather than a call I think.....but I'm not really sure.
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 04:00 AM

Telling him over Skype might be better than a phone call. A phone call can seem...very impersonal. AND, you can't see his facial reactions over a telephone. This way, you'll be able to tell him "face to face" of sorts, and you can REALLY talk things out. It's going to be an emotional conversation, so just prepare yourself for that. But, really, he's going to appreciate hearing the truth for you, rather than finding out the bad news from someone else.











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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 01:42 PM

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. If you ever want to talk, just send me a PM. I can relate to losing a child. We lost our baby last year.

Since the baby was never here in physical form and I wasn't even showing yet, my boyfriend didn't take it too hard. So don't feel upset if your husband doesn't take it as hard as you expected.

On the other hand, if he does take it hard, remind him you guys have each other. Also, naming the child can help with grief. It killed me to say "The baby" instead of a name. So we finally came up with a name we both liked.

I recently bought a personalized memory box, which helped so much more than I expected. It was just wonderful to have something tangible that 'belonged' to our baby. So now, when I think of her, I pull out the box and hold it close to me.
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 4th 2012, 04:27 PM

First off I am sorry for your loss. I know its' tough, I've been through three losses already, (two chemical pregnancies) and my angel baby that I lost at 14 weeks. The thing is, even though your husband doesn't seem to be taking it as hard, he still may be taking it harder than your realize. After we lost Gabriel. My husband didn't seem bothered much about it, but when I had one of my meltdowns he explained to me that he was greiving just as much but one of us needed to stay strong.

I'll be hard to tell him no doubt but the best thing to remember is you both lost a baby. Kelly's right a memory box works well. Or if you want to settle on a name there's a website called Molly bears who gives a free bear to the grieving mother the only date to order I believe is the 29th of every month and the waiting list is long. But it does ease the pain a little.


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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 5th 2012, 12:45 AM

Thanks I will def. Try that!
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 9th 2012, 08:21 PM

Hello there,
my mother had a miscarriage before I came along, and I know it broke her heart.
Writing poetry helped her, she wrote whatever she felt. Even if it meant writing the F-word over and over across a page in red ink, it can help some of the frustration.
I run an email help service where anyone who needs some support can write in and I will try my best to teach them how to put their sorrow into words, in the best and safest way possible: on paper.
You can email at: lydiajefferies@googlemail.com
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but time can heal all manner of wounds...good luck
Lydia xxx
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 9th 2012, 08:22 PM

Hello there,
my mother had a miscarriage before I came along, and I know it broke her heart.
Writing poetry helped her, she wrote whatever she felt. Even if it meant writing the F-word over and over across a page in red ink, it can help some of the frustration.
I run an email help service where anyone who needs some support can write in and I will try my best to teach them how to put their sorrow into words, in the best and safest way possible: on paper.
You can email at: lydiajefferies@googlemail.com
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but time can heal all manner of wounds...good luck
Lydia xxx
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 9th 2012, 08:33 PM

Thanks I usually write but seeing it on paper just made me sick and I felt like it's my fault even more since it's because of my body so I have decided to try the name and small memory thing
   
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Re: Dealing with a miscarriage.... - April 9th 2012, 09:19 PM

I know how a miscarriage feels. It's painful, but time will make the pain less and less. I lost my baby a few months ago, but I decided to give "her" a name. I might have been pregnant before that, too. Since it was equally upsetting since I might have had a miscarriage before I was able to find out (I got lazy on finding out), I went ahead and gave that "baby" a name, too. It does help a lot.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3


   
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