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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CaughtInMyHead Offline
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Question How Do You Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian? - September 15th 2012, 05:01 PM

I would really love some input or advice on this, deep down I think I'm a lesbian, but I feel like I should be straight or bisexual. I don't know why, I just think it's impossible that I'd be lesbian and I've been debating this for two years now. I have never slept with or had a serious relationship with a man or woman, but, honestly, I only want to be with woman. I'm actually afraid I'm really bisexual, because I don't want to be with men. A great guy told me he wanted to date me, he's attractive and a really good guy and we connect really well.... as friends. I told him I liked him, but I keep trying to find excuses why it won't work because I don't want to be with a man and I don't think I really like him that way.
I can see when a guy is cute or handsome, but I am not really attracted to them - picturing myself with a man just makes me uncomfortable and it doesn't feel right. While thinking of being with a woman makes me all giddy and I can't stop smiling, women are beautiful and amazing and over the past two years this feeling has only gotten stronger. Looking back on my childhood I think I may have had a girl crushes and I was in denial for a long time in middle school. When I think about being straight I get insecure and shy but when I think of being lesbian I feel more confident and better about myself, it's weird.
So how can I tell if I'm bisexual or lesbian? What do you think?

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Last edited by CaughtInMyHead; September 15th 2012 at 05:24 PM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How Do You Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian? - September 16th 2012, 06:07 PM

I'm bisexual and attracted to both men and women equally. I can see myself being in a relationship with either quite comfortably, but if you can't see yourself in a relationship with a man without feeling uncomfortable and you are not attracted to men in any way then I think its safe to say you are a lesbian(: you don't have to feel like you have to be straight or bisexual, you are whatever you want to be(: Hope i helped ^_^
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How Do You Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian? - September 17th 2012, 12:40 PM

Hey Nicole.

I strongly believe that the only person who has any right to give you a label is yourself. And if you choose not to give yourself a label, then that's up to you. In my opinion labels are overrated anyway, since sexuality can change over time and trying to fit yourself into a neat little category can actually do more harm than good. That said, if you want to give yourself a label, then go ahead; just be aware that it's okay to change or remove labels if you reach a point where they no longer fit you.

To me it sounds like you've already made your decision. You know yourself better than we do, so you're the only one who can decide which label, if any, you fit under. I've gone through a lot of the same things as you, I think; first I just automatically identified as straight, and then I went to questioning, and finally I realised that it wasn't a question of whether I was same-sex attracted, but whether I liked guys as well. Like you, I can see a guy and think he's cute, but I have no desire to be with him; women, on the other hand, are a totally different story, and that's what tipped the balance in favour of 'lesbian' for me. Things may be different for you, so take the time to explore your feelings and figure out what's what.

It's possible that your lack of attraction to the guy you mentioned could just be him - maybe you're not attracted to him, but you could still like guys. Or maybe it really is that you're attracted to girls instead, which is fine. My usual questions in situations like this are things like 'Can you see yourself in a relationship with a guy or a girl?' and 'Do you find yourself thinking about one more than the other?', but it sounds like you've already answered those. For now I would say just go with what feels right for you; love is love, no matter which gender you fall for. If being with a girl feels more right, then go for that.

Remember, though, that things can change. How you feel now may not hold true tomorrow, and your attraction to one or any gender may increase or decrease over time. Don't try to fit yourself in a category and ignore opportunities because they go against what you thought you knew; if something feels right, it probably is what's right for you. It can be hard to separate who you want to be (or who you think you should be) from who you really are, but that's an important distinction. Just be true to yourself, as cliché as that sounds, and do what feels best for you.

Good luck with everything.

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Re: How Do You Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian? - September 17th 2012, 08:52 PM

Hey there,

Chess over there couldn't have said it any better! The only person who has a right to you give a label is you. The thing with that is, we can say whatever we want as to what your sexuality is or may be, but when it comes right down to it, you would be the only one who would really know. Have you ever heard of the saying "labels are for soup cans?" Basucally what this saying is telling us is that people don't have to conform to a label. We are all different and unique individuals with different feelings who like different people of different sexes. Sexuality is fluid, and it's okay after time if you feel that you aren't a certain sexuality or prefer one gender to another. In fact, you don't even have to conform to any specific label at all.

I totally agree with some of what you are going through and what Chess went through. While I haven't really conformed to any specific label and still use the term "boyfriend" when talking to people since while I'm out to some as "not straight" (or some of my friends have labeled me as bisexual, but I ignore it), my family doesn't know and therefore I use the term "boyfriend." Even since the sixth grade I have known I wasn't straight, and the rest, I'm okay with not knowing.

To me it does sound like you have already sort of made your decision as to what your sexuality is, but even if you are still unsure, that is okay. Everyone decides their sexuality at different points in their lives, so it is okay if you are still questioning or aren't comfortable with identifying as something just yet. However, if you would like to identify as a lesbian, do. Do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

Remember that love is love, after all. It doesn't matter what the gender is. What matters more is that you find someone that you do love and accept yourself for who you are, because no matter what, you are perfect and amazing.

Let it come and let it be...

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Re: How Do You Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian? - September 19th 2012, 07:13 PM

Hi there. Chess and Dez pretty much gave the answer. All I want to say is that you shouldn't feel pressured to put a label on yourself just yet. Yes you are the only one who can give yourself a label but I've had many friends who have waited to give themselves a label untell they were certain that they agreed that they go with that label. Like me for instance, I had a feeling that I was Bi, but I waited to put a label on it untell i was positive that I was and I waited to come out to certain people who i knew would have an issue with it. So basically what I'm trying to say is don't feel hurried to label yourself if you feel like your not ready too.

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