Triggering (Suicide): Please help... Dep/Relationships/LGBT

[doveweaver]

I'm not entirely sure what category this belongs under but I'd rank it under depression, relationships, and LGBT. I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong place.

I've been with my now ex-boyfriend for a year, and we were friends for much longer. During that time we have gotten as close as 2 people can get, and I, being a damaged and very closed person, had finally opened up to him as the only person in my life I could trust talking to.

We had our tiny problems like everyone does but for the most part our relationship was absolutely perfect. He was a fantastic guy, and I tried to be the best girlfriend in the world. I just can't wrap my mind around what has happened.

He recently confessed something to me. He told me that throughout our entire relationship he had been questioning his sexuality and had basically been using me to figure out if he was gay or not. He's now confirmed to me that he is, and we broke up.

I am a very unstable person at the moment because of how much I have going on in my life right now. This shocking blow put a bullet through my heart. I have been feeling so physically and emotionally ill that I have not been able to eat or sleep. The madness of it drove me to taking prescription drugs just so I could get a few hours of sleep at night.

He was all I had in my life; I have no family, very very few friends all of whom have lots or even more problems than I have, and they're rarely available to talk to.

I have already been under an unimaginable amount of stress and this dealt such a massive blow... I literally feel like my entire body, right down to my bones, is melting in ice. It's so nauseating and painful that I can't even function.

After everything he said to me, telling me how much he loved me, telling me he would do anything to make me happy, and more... I just can't handle this last straw on the camel's back.

He basically said to me that he was done loving me regardless of who I am and everything we'd been through just because I am a woman.

This is the second time this has happened to me; but the first time I was dating an openly bi male who left me for another guy.

I just don't know if I can go on anymore, because without him, I literally have nothing in my life. He was my source of inspiration, he was the thing that kept me going, to know I meant something to him and to be able to help each other. But now, he's just tossed me aside after everything we went through...

Please help...

- Stefani

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry to hear that he used you just for this. I know sometimes people can be really confused about what their sexuality is and sometimes they need to experiment, but he definitely should have been up front with you about this rather than leading you on. You definitely don't deserve that.

Do you think you'd be able to talk to him about how you feel? I know it may be really hard to do so, but maybe you can politely let him know how this made you feel. Then, the two of you can talk things over, which may help you get a bit more closure.

You said you have had a lot going on in your life right now. Have you ever considered seeing someone about this? I know it can be really scary talking to someone about everything going on, but in the end you really don't deserve to go through this alone. I don't think you're still in school, but if you are, you can talk to a guidance counselor, school nurse, or teacher. If you are religious, you can speak to a religious leader. Or, you can talk to a doctor or therapist. They can really help you work through everything that is going on and help you cope in a new way so you can get to a better place in life. It's really worth a try. You can even call a hotline. A list is here. They can also help try and work things through with you.

Maybe you can try and express yourself in different ways as well. You can write, use art, or make music, for instance. These are all ways to get things out so they're not as pent up inside. Exercise is also an awesome way to release stress, or listening to music. Or, even take time for yourself to just relax. Maybe take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, or bake your favorite goodies.

I know it can be really hard to function when this depressed, but try to get yourself out of the house as well. Maybe you can join clubs and social groups around town so you can meet other people and make new friends. You'd also be having fun with something you enjoy doing.

Try and make goals for yourself, even small things, that you can accomplish and be proud of yourself for doing so.

Also know that even though things are bad right now, "everything will be okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end." Things will get better, maybe even when you least expect them to. You have things to do and places to go, people to meet and goals to complete. Don't give that all up now.

And, need reasons to live? Check this list out. Sometimes you have to let the small things build up, because your big thing is coming.

Keep your head held high, stay strong, and keep fighting, because the fight is so worth it.

-Dez

[minniemouseprincess]

I’m so sorry honey=( Sounds like you’ve been through a whole lot. For starters, you CAN live without him. I know it doesn’t seem like it because it seems like there aren’t that many people in your life that care about you or are there for you, but there will always be at least SOMEONE that loves you every day of your life. And also, we can’t live for other people. We can’t make someone else our whole life because things like that happen, people do leave sometimes. For your whole life there will be people walking out of it, but there will always be other people walking in. A lot of people don’t stay, but thats okay. That means they weren’t for us. There will be some who DO stay and they will stay forever. They may be hard to come by, but nothing in life thats worth it is ever easy. I agree with Dez about thinking about seeing someone, just because I think it would help you with whats going on in your life and also give you someone to talk to. If you haven’t been in therapy before, it can be a scary thing to go into but once you start going, its not scary anymore. And also, you never have to say anything you don’t want to. Nobody is going to make you. Its supposed to all go at your own pace and be as comfortable for you as possible. I’m in therapy now for anxiety and for issues involving my parents divorce and i’ve been going for...I wanna say 6-8 months. Its a slow help, but it HAS helped me little by little. I really hope things get better for you=( If you ever would like to talk or would just like a new friend, I am here.