transgender and anxiety(?) problems

[Zemie]

Ok so I'm like 100% sure that I am transgender and that is basically the root of all of other problems but I'm not out to anyone, because I just don't know, like I'm scared or something. My family are all really open minded and I really don't have any fear that they would like be super upset or angry or anything but I dunno. It just seems like I can't do it. My friends are all really open minded too and I could tell them but like again I just don't know why but it seems like I can't. Like I don't know if it's exactly anxiety because I've never been to like a doctor for anything and I've never been on any medication but anyway I have like this huge problem where I feel uncomfortable all the time and I feel like I look weird or something all the time and people are staring at me, like I don't even like the feeling of my clothes touching me and like when I'm at school or in public or anything I get really nervous and feel like I'm going to freak out or something. I'm really short too and it makes me feel awful and a lot of the time I can't stop thinking about it. It got so bad where this one time last year at school we had to line up for yearbook photos and my friend wouldn't shut up about how I was near the back of the line because I'm so short and I got really upset and I hit my head against the wall really hard a couple times and then I felt really disoriented for the rest of the day but I havent done anything like that for a while. And like a lot of the time when people talk to me like my brain just stops working and I can't think of anything at all to say and i don't know what to do. Even like talking to people online or texting is difficult because i can never decide like how I want the words or get myself to push send. And I take like all ap classes and I've had so much homework lately and I've been under like so much stress like today my parents made me sign up for an SAT in may and I have to take the driving classes soon to get my license and idk it just feels like I'm drowning sometimes kind of and like it never ends

Sorry if this is like a huge rant and doesn't make any sense I don't know it just seems like this has all been getting worse lately and I don't know what to do.

[Ennui.]

Hi there,

It's okay if you aren't ready to come out to your friends and family right now. I'm sure you will be able to when the time is right. This is just something that is really serious and scary, so it is definitely understandable why you would be anxious! If you think it would help, you can always tell them through a thought out letter, email, Facebook message, or text message, because this allows you to get out your main points and some details without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. It know you mentioned talking online or texting is difficult, too, but at least once you DO press send, you won't be able to back out of telling them. Just close your eyes and press the button. But once the time comes, I'm sure you'll be able to!

It may be worth it to speak to someone such as a doctor or therapist about what you are feeling with your anxiety. They would be able to diagnose you with anxiety if that is what they believe you have as well as start you on a treatment plan that can include something like therapy or medication. They can help you cope with everything going on in your life. I know it is scary to talk to a doctor about it, but it can be SO beneficial to you to be able to open up and say it to someone. Treatment can really help you get some of your confidence back.

As far as homework, maybe you can work on some of the homework with friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You'll be able to have fun with them while doing it as well as get it done faster than you would if you were working by yourself because all of you can put your heads together to complete the problem.

The SAT isn't really that bad, I've taken it twice. The best advice I can give you is to do some of the practice problems the SAT has up on their website since they'll prepare you a little bit.

I haven't taken driving classes yet, but your parents can probably help you practice, too.

Try and find ways to express what you are feeling, both with being transgender as well as anxiety in general. For example, you can use writing, art, or music to get out what you are feeling, or exercise to release stress.

I'm sorry if this wasn't much help!

-Dez