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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Nitro Offline
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I feel like I'm excessively coming out to people... - February 9th 2015, 01:37 AM

Hey everyone

Recently I started coming out to really close friends and it's been working pretty well. The single thing that worries me is that I even say it without a real context and it doesn't really make sense. I also fear of drunkenly talking about it to strangers or to people that shouldn't find out. I know the best solution is to drink responsibly and what not, but sometimes it just doesn't happen.

Like the other night I came out to a friends girlfriend while we were at a club and it all went well, but it's just freaking awkward because he doesn't know and she does. Also, we're not that close and their relationship is iffy.

Being "Openly" gay would be amazing, I wouldn't mind losing a few friends that would turn against me after finding out, or some mild verbal abuse from some 3rd parties, but I am really scared of being a victim of a hate crime. Even the most flamboyant guys that I've seen in my life claim to be straight on social networks and I know Social networks don't matter, but also pretending to be in a straight relationship to fight off the rumours must suck.

I also hate that most of the times I come out to someone I regret it, not because of the outcome but because of the context, or that I don't ever touch the subject with that person again and I pretend it didn't happen because we weren't exactly sober.

I understand that alcohol can help to make some courage but this just sucks. I don't know how to deal with this, there are only 2 very close guy friends that I feel the need to come out to but I am most scared of those two. One of them is a scumbag that uses people's secrets to his advantage, he also has a good side, but I am sure that at least 10 people will find out about that hours after I say it. He's that kind of guy...
The other one is the girls' boyfriend and I'm a bit scared because he is a nice guy but he isn't too bright and I'm too lazy of getting into details.
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Re: I feel like I'm excessively coming out to people... - February 9th 2015, 02:16 AM

If you go to these clubs or other areas where you may be drinking, do you have friends who may be willing to keep you "in line" if they are a bit more sober themselves? They may be able to stop you before you do something you regret.

Remember that you don't HAVE to come out to anyone, friends or not. You can wait until you are ready to come out to these two. You can come out the same way as you do with anyone else and just answer the questions they may ask, but don't FORCE yourself to. They don't have to know if you don't feel safe with it.

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Hiraeth Offline
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Re: I feel like I'm excessively coming out to people... - February 17th 2015, 05:07 AM

I think that being openly anything non-traditional could put one at risk for harassment, not just gay. The degree of openness that is appropriate for each person is different... some people prefer to be more private in general, and others prefer to be more public and outspoken. And this preference can change over time as well. It's not uncommon to feel the need to come out to everyone at the beginning stages of coming to terms with ourselves - because external recognition is a part of solidifying our sense of identity. If that sounds like part of your motivation behind the "excessive" coming out - it should pass.

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alcohol, coming, coming out, coming out gay straight, drunk, excessively, fear, feel, gay, male, people

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