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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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I girl-friend of mine is falling for me and I'm gay! - June 10th 2015, 10:20 PM

Hi everyone! I'm in a pickle!

I met this girl about three months ago, her name is Maria. We have a lot in common and we have been talking a lot for the past months, basically every day. I really want to be friends with her, but I feel that she's falling for me.
A few days ago I was pretty busy and I didn't answer the phone until the following day. She saw that I read her texts but I completely forgot to answer anything. She was very upset that I “avoided her” and I got upset that she was being so dramatic about it. She almost started crying (and believe me I tried to say it as nicely as possible).

At the beginning of our friendship we had a few talks talk about our past relationships and she was shocked I was 20 years old and I didn’t have any. I didn’t tell her that I was gay but I told her that I'm “not a relationship guy” and that I feel that I'm too young to have commitments with someone.
I also told her that I'm very unapologetic about what I do with my time. I’ve been living alone since I was 17 and I managed to be reckless and responsible without having someone to to put pressure on me. I just can’t have someone that will be mad at me because I decided to ignore people for 12 hours.

I'm not open about my sexuality, mainly because nobody understands it where I live. It can even put me in danger and I just don't want to experience that kind of discrimination. I kinda trust her enough to come out to her, but I don’t feel that she will take it well, especially because I would shatter all the dreams of her being in a relationship with me.
I really fear that she will take it badly and that she might tell a friend of hers. I also can’t find the courage to do it anyway, coming out is a very hard talk for me, and this time it will also be hard for her.
   
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Re: I girl-friend of mine is falling for me and I'm gay! - June 10th 2015, 11:22 PM

I see your problem.
If you trust her enough to tell her about your sexuality, you should go ahead and do it. Better telling her it'll never happen (especially why it will never happen) than staying silent about it since she could see that as leading her on.
BUT you don't have to tell her about your sexuality if you really don't want to or if you feel you're not ready to. You can tell her that you're only interested in her AS A FRIEND. If she asks why you're not interested in her, then just tell her that you're just not into having a relationship right now.
I hoped that helped...at least just a little bit?
Good luck!


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Re: I girl-friend of mine is falling for me and I'm gay! - June 11th 2015, 12:38 AM

If I were in your position and I'd felt like someone was developing feelings for me and if in the event relationships came up, or I decided to start up a conversation on it, I'd do my best to make it known that besides not being a relationship person, I'd also say to them that I'm not interested in being with anyone relationship or casual for personal reasons. Understandably this may not prevent someone from continuing to pursue, but they've been warned and it's up to them to soak in the information I've given them.

If you are considering telling her about your sexuality, to ensure she's 100% someone you feel ok with telling you could consider bringing up a conversation on sexuality asking what she thinks of it and such. Depending on her responses, you'll be able decide on whether or not you're still considering telling her. However, as RayRay has said, you don't have to tell her until you feel you're ready to.

All in all, if you haven't already, try to set up some boundaries so she knows where she stands with you and go from there.


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Re: I girl-friend of mine is falling for me and I'm gay! - June 11th 2015, 11:03 PM

Hey there,

If you trust her then maybe you should come out to her. It may surprise her to know you're gay but if she really is a good friend then it shouldn't matter to her and she won't tell anyone unless you want them to. Maybe if you confide in her it will help her to see that if she is interested in you then there is definitely no chance of a relationship because you aren't interested in women sexually.

I would just let her know that sometimes when you are busy you may look at a text message and respond when you get the opportunity. Let her know that it's nothing personal and you're not ignoring her, just sometimes you are too busy to reply.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige


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