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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 12th 2015, 12:40 AM

Okay, so the conditions of my sexual nature are quite complex. (At least, to me they are.)

In real life, I have no urge to get into relationships with Anyone. Yes, I do find women attractive at times, but I have no urge to "Go after them". I relate this to many failed attempts at relationships discouraging me from trying anymore, and accepting the fact that I am mentally incapable of doing this. In other words, I can't get a girlfriend, and I'm fine with that. I might as well be Asexual. But I am still attracted to the opposite sex.

See what I mean by complex?

I don't want a solution to my problem of not being able to start and hold relationships, but I DO want to know what term would be used for my situation, if there is one. Does anyone know anything about this?
   
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Re: I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 12th 2015, 12:56 AM

Hey there,

I am going to move this to LGBT, Sexuality, and Gender Identity because that is where this is most fitting.

I want to ask you a question before anything else. Do you think that maybe you're just the type of person to "go with the flow" sort of speak? I know that I'm similar in a way, where I don't really have any interest in pursuing anyone, and if it happens it happens, but if it doesn't I don't mind. It doesn't necessarily change your label.

Asexual basically means that you normally don't feel sexual attraction to others. Aromantic would be if you don't experience romantic attraction to others. Do either of these terms seem fitting?

This is our Queer Dictionary which contains information on other various labels, so maybe you can look through this and see if anything there is fitting.

Remember that what you label yourself is up for you, so label yourself what you are most comfortable with, whether that's straight, asexual, or something else! Only you can define your label, not society.

Also don't stress. Whatever your label is, you are wonderful just being you. Go with the flow, and things will become clear over time!

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Re: I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 12th 2015, 03:16 AM

Hey there,

Sexuality is a complex thing in and of itself. From what you've written, it's possible that you may be aromantic due to your lack of desire to enter a relationship. However, as you said, it's also possible that this view of relationships is a result of struggles that you have had in the past. If you don't feel any sexual attraction to individuals of the same or opposite gender (remember, you can still find people attractive without being sexually attracted to them), it's possible that you're asexual.

At the end of the day, the label that you choose is entirely based on what you relate to the most and what you feel most comfortable identifying as. Society has a bad habit of wanting to tell people what their sexuality is based on cookie-cutter definitions. While those definitions can help, they're not the end-all, be-all when it comes to identifying your sexuality. Take your time to think through it and find the group of people that you feel most comfortable identifying with.

Take care!


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Re: I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 15th 2015, 08:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AGamerLivinginaMadHouse View Post
Okay, so the conditions of my sexual nature are quite complex. (At least, to me they are.)

In real life, I have no urge to get into relationships with Anyone. Yes, I do find women attractive at times, but I have no urge to "Go after them". I relate this to many failed attempts at relationships discouraging me from trying anymore, and accepting the fact that I am mentally incapable of doing this. In other words, I can't get a girlfriend, and I'm fine with that. I might as well be Asexual. But I am still attracted to the opposite sex.

See what I mean by complex?

I don't want a solution to my problem of not being able to start and hold relationships, but I DO want to know what term would be used for my situation, if there is one. Does anyone know anything about this?
You sound grey sexual, that means you're probably the little area between sexual and asexual .


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Re: I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 18th 2015, 09:10 AM

Hey there If I were you I wouldn't bother with a label! The way I see it is that we're trying to fit everyone inside these little neat boxes to make things nice and easy. I would be all for that, if it wasn't for the fact that most people don't belog in just one of these boxes, and there are loads of variations. Labels create biases. Why don't you just express your sexuality in your own words, as you have done here? That's what I do. When a friend asked me about my sexuality, I told her that I found myself more attracted to males when it comes to sexual lust, but that I could imagine myself in a more functioning relationship with a female, but I feel no lust towards females. I told her that in short, right now I am more male-orientated, but that I believe I can fall in love with anyone, irregardless of their sex. She said that I was "straight", and it really frustrated me because no, I'm not straight. No, I'm not lesbian. No, I'm not bisexual either. I don't feel like I fit into any of these things.
I think it's much better to describe something like sexuality, which is very personal and unique to everyone, with our own words. As I mentioned before, labeling causes biases: if you're straight, you're narrow-minded; if you're gay, you're into strange sexual rituals; if you're bisexual, you're very spiritual. Some people see it that way. So it's just better to describe it in your own words.

Hope this helps

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Re: I don't know the term for my sexuality? - July 27th 2015, 07:15 PM

There are a whole raft of labels you could use to describe yourself. Use whichever one you feel most comfortable with!

Asexuality comes on a scale. Personally, I am grey asexual because I only very occasionally experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate. For a lot of people, they match up, for example someone might be heterosexual so attracted to the same sex, and also heteromantic, so want relationships with the same sex.

If you are aromantic it means that you don't experience romantic attraction to anyone. So you could be physically attracted to someone, and want to have sex with them, but not experience any desire to be in a relationship.

This is also a scale. If you only experience romantic attraction occasionally you might be grey romantic.

What you call yourself is up to you, whatever term you feel comfortable with.


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