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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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coming out as gay instead of bi - March 31st 2016, 12:04 AM

It just occurred to me that I might actually have to come out, which is a prospect I never actually considered. Anyway, there is a halfway decent chance I might actually ask out this guy in my german class, and if I do, its not like I can just bury that in the sand forever. However, I'm bi. I'd tell him that as well as some of my friends and family, but I realized that some of my family and friends would probably be confused about bisexuality, and be under the impression that they have a chance to change me. I am almost positive that my mom, grandparents, relatives, and second family would actively try to destroy my relationship if they met him. Not to mention they would all lose their minds praying for me to go completely straight because they would think there is a glimmer of hope to change me. On the other hand, my dad would be somewhat disappointed (he'd get over it) and my other friends and family would understand.
But that's the question, should I just tell the homophobic parts of my family that I'm gay and crush what I assume would be extra resistance? They'll be pissed or saddened anyway, but they'd be more likely to give up. I'm fairly certain my two of my uncles wouldn't ever talk to me again, but fuck that, they aren't my blood. And I never liked them.
Or... they'll all just tell me that God's plan for me is to be single (and unhappy) for my whole life. You know, because that's what I've always wanted.

Edit: I can also say, "Mom, have you EVER seen me talk to a girl?" It would make so much sense to her.

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Re: coming out as gay instead of bi - March 31st 2016, 04:05 AM

Its up to you how you want to come out. Some people believe that bisexuals don't even exist and they are told to just 'pick a side' so if you don't want to come out as bi then you don't have. Technically you wouldn't be incorrect as gay is sometimes used a broad term for the whole community who doesn't identify as straight. So if you wanted to come out as gay then go for it. If you believe it is in your best interest to say it then no one is stopping you. If you wanted, you could try to explain it but if they would try and make you completely straight there wouldn't be much point. It is always there as an option though, especially if you did ever plan on going out with a girl and they get confused. If you don't plan on that though, there isn't much point explaining it.

On a different note, I hope it works out for you and that guy in your class.
Take care.

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Re: coming out as gay instead of bi - March 31st 2016, 07:36 AM

I would just be honest with them. Many religious people I know who are against homosexuality think that even gays can change. It's probably best to just be open and honest about who you are, and if they don't accept you that is their problem. After they get a little more used to it though, who knows they may surprise you and be accepting because they love you. I've seen that happen to a couple of friends. Best of luck with the guy in your class!

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Re: coming out as gay instead of bi - March 31st 2016, 08:31 AM

While the term you use when you come out is entirely up to you, I would recommend being honest with your family. As Nicole said, religious people are often under the impression that anyone who is anything other than straight is someone who can and should be changed. With that being said, coming out as gay or bisexual won't make much of a difference in their eyes. If you're honest about it with them, they might surprise you and come around with time, which will give you the opportunity to educate them more on what it means to be bisexual and show them that your sexuality does absolutely nothing to change who you are as a person, which is the one they all know and love. Best of luck with your classmate!

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