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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Question Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 7th 2016, 02:46 AM

I don't get what the deal is. I face discrimination from the internet and in real life for being straight by LGBT supporters. Not all of them, of course, but some are real jerks.
Like I guess it's now offensive to say 'no' to being a lesbian? And when I say things like "Straight Pride" I get called a bigot and a hater of gays.
Nowadays I feel like it's such a crime to be straight and it's all golden glory if you are gay/lesbian/bi. At least it is like that where I live and I am very confused


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 7th 2016, 03:06 AM

Hey there and welcome

I think everybody gets attacked on the internet because it's the internet and the whole anonymity thing means that people say stuff they'd never get away with in the real world. I wouldn't worry about that so much, just try to ignore it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, no matter what that means. Some people who identify with a marginalized group (LGBT, racial/ethnic minority, disability etc.) can be sensitive to certain statements because they face so much discrimination and judgement.

I think there's a difference between saying that you're proud of who you are, and saying that you're against someone who is different from you. It's like saying "I'm not gay" vs. "I think it's wrong to be gay." Maybe try rephrasing the way you say it and see if that helps. Or stay away from the issue all together if it's something you don't want to get into with someone.


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 7th 2016, 05:27 AM

I definitely see both sides to this and what you've had to experience proves that anyone can be horrible despite their sexuality/gender etc so nobody is exempt from this sort of behaviour.

As Katie said, there are going to be people who are a part of a marginalised group such as the LGBT community who are sensitive to such a thing from the people who pretty much oppress them. I think that we all need to understand that anyone can be proud of who they are because there's nothing wrong with being straight or gay or bi or trans or whatever sexuality and gender one is. But when a majority of the population are heterosexual and have the most representation and safety and privilege then it's pretty much implented into us from the day we're born (thus having to conform to society until we figure ourselves ou). So when some straight person says that they want a "Straight Pride" (as in the parade and celebration etc.) it can feel as if they're taking away what the LGBT community need to make themselves known and heard considering the struggle we've gone through to get to where we are today and the fact there's hardly any representation across all media along with facing discrimination and violence and such; so when we try to gain some equal ground we get told we're sticking it down people's throats, then there's an issue.

So I also understand why the people you have come across felt the way they did, they may have taken what you've said into a different context but I get where they're coming from, being LGBT myself and witnessing crap on the internet too. But I believe how they've reacted may have been a little out of order, I know it can be irking but I have some common sense not to act like a complete jackass because what someone said about a certain topic has hurt my feelings and pissed me off.




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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 7th 2016, 01:12 PM

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, but using the phrase "straight pride" can make LGBT+ people upset because of how much they had to fight for their pride. Accepting your identity as an LGBT+ person is often really, really hard, let alone reaching a point where you can be proud if it. Queer pride is such a new thing, and there are plenty of people still alive who grew up in a world where you would never, ever say anything about being queer and live in the closet instead (and there still are people who live like that). Like the people above said, LGBT+ people have struggled a lot to be able to be proud, and taking that back and turning it into "straight pride" can feel trivializing.

As for "it's such a crime to be straight and it's all golden glory if you are gay/lesbian/bi" – it might look that way, but I can promise you that it's not. We still have virtually no media representation, we still have people arguing about whether or not we can get married, we still can legally be discriminated against for our identities, we still have people being murdered just for being LGBT+ (Pulse nightclub in Orlando last Spring, for example). And this is all in the US, which is relatively progressive on this. When people celebrate and bring attention to LGBT+ people that come out, they're lifting up a group of people that has constantly been oppressed.

All that said, people shouldn't be rude to you because you're straight. I'm sorry if that's really happening. Your orientation obviously isn't something you can control, and any anger or hate you experience is definitely misdirected. Like Katie said, it might just be your wording or how your views come off.

I hope that helped! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or ever just want to chat



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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 7th 2016, 06:40 PM

Firstly, I hope my post does not come across as offensive to anyone. That is not my intention. I'm not very good at wording things so feel free to ask for clarification. ^^
I agree completely with what the users above me have said, there is nothing wrong with embracing your sexuality. No one should shame you for it as it is not a choice, just like being gay or another sexuality isn't a choice. While it is good that you are happy with who you are, I can see why LGBT+ people may feel uncomfortable with the term "straight pride" especially as I have seen homophobes using it as a way to insult the LGBT+ community, so many people associate the phrase with homophobia even when it is not used in that way, at least that is how I understand it. Maybe it would be best not to say "straight pride" around LGBT+ people, I can't see why it would be necessary to announce anyway, and I say this as a straight (heteroromantic asexual) person myself. If the subject is brought up, just be clear about what you say to avoid any misunderstandings. For example, this is how I would word it: "I am comfortable with my sexuality and I am not ashamed to admit it, just as you shouldn't be ashamed of your sexuality" or simply "I am straight, but I don't have anything against LGBT+ people."
Of course, you're not going to please everybody. If people are still criticising you, then they aren't worth your time. Just ignore them and move on.


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 8th 2016, 05:02 PM

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Originally Posted by fallingstargirl View Post
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, but using the phrase "straight pride" can make LGBT+ people upset because of how much they had to fight for their pride. Accepting your identity as an LGBT+ person is often really, really hard, let alone reaching a point where you can be proud if it. Queer pride is such a new thing, and there are plenty of people still alive who grew up in a world where you would never, ever say anything about being queer and live in the closet instead (and there still are people who live like that). Like the people above said, LGBT+ people have struggled a lot to be able to be proud, and taking that back and turning it into "straight pride" can feel trivializing.

As for "it's such a crime to be straight and it's all golden glory if you are gay/lesbian/bi" it might look that way, but I can promise you that it's not. We still have virtually no media representation, we still have people arguing about whether or not we can get married, we still can legally be discriminated against for our identities, we still have people being murdered just for being LGBT+ (Pulse nightclub in Orlando last Spring, for example). And this is all in the US, which is relatively progressive on this. When people celebrate and bring attention to LGBT+ people that come out, they're lifting up a group of people that has constantly been oppressed.

All that said, people shouldn't be rude to you because you're straight. I'm sorry if that's really happening. Your orientation obviously isn't something you can control, and any anger or hate you experience is definitely misdirected. Like Katie said, it might just be your wording or how your views come off.

I hope that helped! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or ever just want to chat
Trust me, where I live being anything but straight is deemed perfect. In my school we have a lot of groups of people who seem to have this really big hatred towards straights and it's crazy, like unbelievable. So that's why I said that it's all glory for non-straight people, based on where I'm from.

And I get that some may be offended but the way I say it isn't ignorant or rude. I only mention straight pride when it's relevant and I make it clear that I'm not forcing that, yet still people come at me. And it gets even worse when I explain to them that offending them was not my intentions. It's so annoying.

I also want to say that to everyone who replied (thank you, by the way) that I do clarify what I mean when I say straight pride and it's always relevant and appropriate.


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 10th 2016, 05:06 PM

okay look i understand you're much younger than i and that you have lots of learning to do, but please never use the phrase "straight pride". i get that you're not being deliberately offensive but that phrase is very offensive. you clearly do not understand the meaning of the word "pride" in the context that queer people use it, and you plastering straightness on it is wrong and insulting.

"pride" in this context isn't simply about being proud of our sexuality or gender identity. it is about being proud to be alive, rising above the hatred we experience on a daily basis in a cishet-dominated society. it has a long history, dating back to the days when queer people had no rights whatsoever, got beaten up by police and completely ostracised by society. pride in our community is the one thing we've had that has gotten us through all this and stayed with us up until today. heterophobia and cisphobia on a wider scale do not exist. you are experiencing contained incidents of people (who clearly also have lots to learn) quite simply being obnoxious. but you're never going to be fired, assaulted, made homeless or murdered for being straight. you are not going to have gunmen targeting your spaces like what happened in orlando. you are not potentially going to have all of your human rights stripped by the next president of the united states.

so you, as a straight cis person, don't need pride. we do. we need it more than ever after what has happened this week. i'm sorry that people are acting this obnoxiously towards you, but please respect the significance of queer pride.
   
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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 10th 2016, 07:29 PM

I agree a lot with everyone else. Of course, if people are being rude to you because you're straight, then that's just not ok. It's ok to be comfortable with who you are and no one should get to tell you otherwise. But (and it's a big one) people might be taking offense to your attitude / approach to / statements surrounding being comfortable / proud of who you are.

Statement like "straight pride" are actually really offensive because a lot of people who are in the LGBTQ+ community have had to fight really hard for their rights and for the ability to be proud of who they are. This is something a straight person will never have to do because being straight is the "default" and we live in a very heteronormative society where it's "easy" to be straight while other people in the LGBTQ+ community are still fighting for their rights here and in other parts of the world. So, with that said, it just comes off as really inconsiderate if you think that "straight pride" is something to celebrate because it's not; socially speaking, there's nothing to celebrate by conforming to what's (sadly) considered the default by a lot of people. And while I say this, bear in mind that you're obviously not making a conscious choice to "conform", you're just straight and that's that. And also bear in mind that you are totally in your right to be comfortable and secure as who you are and should be able to be "proud" of that and it's not ok for anyone to pick out your qualities (e.g. your "straightness") and be rude about it.

I hope this helps.




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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 11th 2016, 01:06 AM

It's awesome that you try to be respectful towards LGBT+ people, but keep in mind that the most important thing to do to actually be respectful is to listen to us. When someone tells you that the phrase "straight pride" is offensive, even if they're not being nice about it, the right thing to do is to stop using that phrase. If someone tells you you're sounding homophobic, it's better to ask them what's offensive and why so you can learn and correct it. There's a lot that goes into what people might find offensive that a straight person might not realize.

It sucks that reactions come off as anger at you and the fact that you're straight, but you also need to consider where they're coming from. No matter where you live, no matter how progressive it is, LGBT+ people grow up exposed to hate and ignorance, whether it's from families, peers, the media, or the internet. It's hard to come to terms with yourself when you're LGBT+ in a way that it's really not when you're straight. They have faced, and will probably continue to face, a lot of challenges and prejudice at the hands of straight people. If someone says something like "I hate straight people," that definitely shouldn't be happening, but at the same time, I think that centuries of oppression that continues today is a pretty solid cause for some resentment. Phrases like this also aren't (or shouldn't be) directed at you specifically. People who get upset with you have years of correcting people and ignorance under their belts, no matter what it might look like to you. So while they definitely shouldn't react with anger at these things, I personally think it's understandable if some do.

I hope the responses are helping! It's awesome that you're taking the time to ask questions and learn, that's how you be a good ally



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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 11th 2016, 08:13 PM

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Originally Posted by FlowerPunkPrincess View Post
okay look i understand you're much younger than i and that you have lots of learning to do, but please never use the phrase "straight pride". i get that you're not being deliberately offensive but that phrase is very offensive. you clearly do not understand the meaning of the word "pride" in the context that queer people use it, and you plastering straightness on it is wrong and insulting.

"pride" in this context isn't simply about being proud of our sexuality or gender identity. it is about being proud to be alive, rising above the hatred we experience on a daily basis in a cishet-dominated society. it has a long history, dating back to the days when queer people had no rights whatsoever, got beaten up by police and completely ostracised by society. pride in our community is the one thing we've had that has gotten us through all this and stayed with us up until today. heterophobia and cisphobia on a wider scale do not exist. you are experiencing contained incidents of people (who clearly also have lots to learn) quite simply being obnoxious. but you're never going to be fired, assaulted, made homeless or murdered for being straight. you are not going to have gunmen targeting your spaces like what happened in orlando. you are not potentially going to have all of your human rights stripped by the next president of the united states.

so you, as a straight cis person, don't need pride. we do. we need it more than ever after what has happened this week. i'm sorry that people are acting this obnoxiously towards you, but please respect the significance of queer pride.
Holy crap, chill. I can say straight pride if I want to and I know exactly what I'm talking about when I say it. I'm sorry if people get offended but there's nothing I can do when I explain to others that I'm not a bigot or being a jerk and they still come at me. What's your problem?


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 11th 2016, 08:21 PM

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Originally Posted by Always * View Post
I agree a lot with everyone else. Of course, if people are being rude to you because you're straight, then that's just not ok. It's ok to be comfortable with who you are and no one should get to tell you otherwise. But (and it's a big one) people might be taking offense to your attitude / approach to / statements surrounding being comfortable / proud of who you are.

Statement like "straight pride" are actually really offensive because a lot of people who are in the LGBTQ+ community have had to fight really hard for their rights and for the ability to be proud of who they are. This is something a straight person will never have to do because being straight is the "default" and we live in a very heteronormative society where it's "easy" to be straight while other people in the LGBTQ+ community are still fighting for their rights here and in other parts of the world. So, with that said, it just comes off as really inconsiderate if you think that "straight pride" is something to celebrate because it's not; socially speaking, there's nothing to celebrate by conforming to what's (sadly) considered the default by a lot of people. And while I say this, bear in mind that you're obviously not making a conscious choice to "conform", you're just straight and that's that. And also bear in mind that you are totally in your right to be comfortable and secure as who you are and should be able to be "proud" of that and it's not ok for anyone to pick out your qualities (e.g. your "straightness") and be rude about it.

I hope this helps.
I don't want to "celebrate" my straightness. I had been hoping that everyone would see that I had said that when I say straight pride it's only in a relevant situation and not something I just blurt out like a troll and I clarify what I mean. The reason why I asked this question was because when I was saying this in a relevant conversation I was jumped at and accused of homophobia. Which really confused me. And even after I said I wasn't a homophobe the people still kept making comments. I'm not disregarding what lgbt people go through at all, to make things clear. I just think it's really weird how I'm shamed for having pride as a straight person. And yea it's the default but that's not something to blame and take anger out on me when I was answering a simple question


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 11th 2016, 08:26 PM

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Originally Posted by fallingstargirl View Post
It's awesome that you try to be respectful towards LGBT+ people, but keep in mind that the most important thing to do to actually be respectful is to listen to us. When someone tells you that the phrase "straight pride" is offensive, even if they're not being nice about it, the right thing to do is to stop using that phrase. If someone tells you you're sounding homophobic, it's better to ask them what's offensive and why so you can learn and correct it. There's a lot that goes into what people might find offensive that a straight person might not realize.

It sucks that reactions come off as anger at you and the fact that you're straight, but you also need to consider where they're coming from. No matter where you live, no matter how progressive it is, LGBT+ people grow up exposed to hate and ignorance, whether it's from families, peers, the media, or the internet. It's hard to come to terms with yourself when you're LGBT+ in a way that it's really not when you're straight. They have faced, and will probably continue to face, a lot of challenges and prejudice at the hands of straight people. If someone says something like "I hate straight people," that definitely shouldn't be happening, but at the same time, I think that centuries of oppression that continues today is a pretty solid cause for some resentment. Phrases like this also aren't (or shouldn't be) directed at you specifically. People who get upset with you have years of correcting people and ignorance under their belts, no matter what it might look like to you. So while they definitely shouldn't react with anger at these things, I personally think it's understandable if some do.

I hope the responses are helping! It's awesome that you're taking the time to ask questions and learn, that's how you be a good ally
Yea some of the responses aren't helping...


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Re: Why am I shamed for being proud of my "straightness" by the LGBT community? - November 11th 2016, 08:30 PM

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Holy crap, chill. I can say straight pride if I want to and I know exactly what I'm talking about when I say it. I'm sorry if people get offended but there's nothing I can do when I explain to others that I'm not a bigot or being a jerk and they still come at me. What's your problem?
This seems like the answer to your question. There's been a lot of really valid points on why people may get offended by the term, whether or not it's meant to be offensive, and rather than acknowledging it you just say that you're allowed to say whatever you want. There is something you can do, you can change your choice of words to better get your point across. Maybe it will help if you can give specific examples of relevant conversations where you use the term straight pride.



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