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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Change in sexuality?? - February 9th 2017, 06:30 AM

So ever since sophomore year, two years ago, I've found that I also get feelings for girls and find them very attractive. (Actually probably even before that, because I always checked girls out and got feelings of being "turned on" by it sometimes, but was a "good, Christian girl" up until sophomore year. Anyways.)

However, now I've noticed that whenever I see an attractive girl, I feel more jealousy than I do admiring how gorgeous they are. I used to have a folder full of hot girls (no nudes, just beautiful girls) on my phone, but now I've stopped adding to it and actually have deleted some, because they made me feel so insecure about myself.

And I mean, yeah, my self-esteem and liking the way I look seems like it's progressively gone lower and lower, at least throughout high school. I never particularly liked the way I look.
But I don't think the case is just me feeling more self-conscious than usual.

I think, if anything (besides simply not liking girls anymore), it could be because of a new love interest in my life. And the knowledge that he has many female friends and talks to other girls, and the fear that one day he'll see how out of my league he is and go be with one of the more attractive girls he knows. (We're not together, at least not yet, but we've both said we like each other. It's pretty much just on me to get comfortable enough with him to be ready for a relationship. And for him to decide if he really wants me and not another girl. :b )
We're in a group chat together with a bunch of random people, and whenever he compliments another girl's picture or something I just get pissy... but I think I only get angry because deep down, I'm hurt and worried and scared that I'm not good enough.


However, it happens when he's not around too, which has me thinking... maybe I just don't like girls like that? Maybe I never really did??
And it makes me scared that I was faking it all along... even though I know I had real feelings for a girl at one point. (I don't know though, she was my best friend, so maybe I just got deep, platonic love mixed up with romantic love. Because even though I did love her and think she was pretty, the thought of doing anything below the belt with a girl is where I've always been unsure about.) But I've also masturbated to girls for fucks sake.

I don't know, maybe it was just a hormonal thing. Maybe it's something I just need to experiment with and find out for sure.
I don't know. Is this normal? Like is changing sexuality a thing??

I kind of feel like perhaps I felt the pressure to like girls somehow, because everyone always expected I did - due to me dressing, in their words, "like a dyke" - and maybe I just internalized that and liked the idea or something??
Sometimes it did feel forced, but other times it felt natural. Like when I went on a little "date" thing with a girl... that felt cute and cozy and I liked feeling like the "bigger person" in the relationship.
And maybe that just comes from how I've been treated in my past relationships with guys, and how it's hard for me to be dominant over a guy now, so I'm comfortable being that way with a girl.

I don't know man, sorry. I know this is just all rambling but I'm just trying to piece it all together.

I think no matter what, I'm always going to keep an open mind. Like if I like a girl, cool, if I like a guy, awesome. Because deep down we're all just people. But I don't know, it'd be nice to be able to sort this out.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: Change in sexuality?? - February 9th 2017, 11:39 PM

What you are feeling right now definitely is valid, and remember that sexuality IS a fluid thing, meaning that it can change and your preferences and feelings can change over time. So it definitely could be that your preferences are changing, or it could be something about you being in a relationship right now so you just don't "notice" other girls right now.


Let it come and let it be...

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