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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 04:33 PM

So... I'm bi sexual but I have a problem... I have a boyfriend at the moment who I'm very attracted to but I uh.. I've been thinking recently and I don't really find.. other men attractive and that makes me stressed because I love the way women look and I love the idea of kissing them.. and things like that.. I really like girls in general but with guys I'm not as passionate about and I'm more scared of being gay as bad as it is because I'm scared to agree that I'm gay.. even though I shouldn't be my parents make me think that I need to have sex with a man before I can say I like women but like I feel self conscious about it and I don't have anyone to how do I handle that
A lot of people just tell me to shut up and say that I'm not gay even people on here so I'd like advice and if you have something negitive then don't say it please


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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 04:44 PM

I'll state the obvious first : there's nothing wrong with being one sexuality over the other. You are who you are, you like who you like.

Many bisexual people have stronger leanings towards one gender over the other. Nothing worrying about that, just different people having different preferrences. Those might also change with time, as you grow older, aquire more experience and generally develop in many ways. Again, nothing wrong with either those staying the same nor changing, I'm just pointing out a possibility.

Above everything, I know it's much easier to say and read than actually do, but you shouldn't put other people's expectations over your own comfort and choice. In the end, you are the one directly living and feeling in your life, and if you cramp yourself into an uncomfortable spot just because others scared you away from your true likes and loves, you'll be the one hurt by it the most.


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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 04:50 PM

I feel scared to agree that I don't think I want to be with any more men


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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 04:56 PM

That might take more time for you to get comfortable with it, but I don't think anybody who chose to change their sexuality did so overnight. It's always a diffcult prospect, can be scary as well, especially if people around you aren't as open and supportive as you'd like them to be.

Take your time with it is propably the thing I could suggest. It would be great if we could get people in similar situations to yours posting here, sharing their experiences and ways they overcame their own worries.

That being said, I remember some time ago thinking about my own experiences and feelings regarding that. I'm straight, but for the longest time I was wondering if that was really the only thing I was into, as I frequently found myself admiring other men and admitting "yeah, this dude's pretty damn hot".

I was torn between being worried about potentially being gay, and my reason hammering down into me that if that was the case, nothing about it was wrong or incorrect. It was just another "me" thing in my life.


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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 05:28 PM

I've been with girls before and I really did like it and I know it shouldn't really be overnight and it isn't really what I meant I'm just really confused about this and all my friends are straight Cristians whom are against gays so I can't talk to them about anything and I don't have anyone to speak with this about really


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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 07:16 PM

Hey,

I know how hard dealing with your sexuality can be. There is nothing wrong with being bi, gay, pansexual or anything in between. One is not better than the other. You are sixteen years old, there is no rush to figure out your sexuality. Also you really don't need to label yourself if you don't want to. I don't really like labeling my sexuality but when asked I do say I am a demisexual lesbian.

Anyways a lot of bisexuals prefer one sex over the other and there is nothing wrong with that. I also have heard that you can be a lesbian with exceptions. I am a lesbian but there is like a 2% chance that I might end up with a guy but will never have sex with them.

As far as needing to have sex with a guy to know that you don't want to have sex with a guy or be in a relationship with one, that isn't true at all. There are a lot of lesbians who have never had sex with a guy, and never will.

I know you are scared to label yourself as gay, and that is understandable from where I am sitting because if you tell yourself your bi and someone sees that you are dating a guy they will think you are straight. There is a lot of negativity around any sexuality that isn't straight. But you have to do what you feel is right for you.

Like I said above if you do not want to label yourself and just date who you want whether it be a girl, guy, gender neutral, Trans whatever. If you feel like you need a label then that is fine to, but do not put a rush on this. You are sixteen years old you have a lot of time to figure this out.

I myself came to terms that I was gay at 19 years old and about six months ago I figured out I was also demisexual.

If you ever need to talk I am always here. You can PM/VM me anytime.

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Re: Sexuality problems - January 21st 2018, 07:58 PM

Hey there,

I think the thing to remember is that sexuality really isn't black and white. I used to struggle a lot with my sexuality because I did like guys quite a bit but there were times when I would see a really attractive female and it would spark something. I was really scared to address this because a lot of my family members are quite homophobic. Anyway, it took time and talking to a number of people within the LGBTQ+ community to realize that sexuality is a bit more on a spectrum. This helped me realize that I have a stronger attraction to men but if the right female came along I might be able to try and be in a relationship with them. I have just never encountered the right female. There were times when I thought I might be interested in people but then we would meet up and there wasn't any spark etc.

So, if you have a stronger attraction to woman that is okay. You could very well still be bisexual. I also agree that you don't really have to label yourself. I know that some people feel that labels help with some things such as being able to find a partner etc. You don't need to label yourself though. You can wait to label yourself until you feel more certain or you can completely avoid it. A lot of the time I just say, I like who I like...because labels don't do much for me.

As for your parents saying you need to be with a man; that isn't true. There are people who have felt that this helped them figure out their sexuality but there are just as many people who never felt that it was necessary or anything like that. I do think that there is a common misconception within the world that people can't truly know they aren't straight if they have not tried having relations with some of the opposite sex. Of course, that is silly because there are plenty of straight people who knew they were straight without ever having to explore relations with people. I know hearing these comments can be upsetting but the best thing you can do it try and do what you feel most comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with the idea of having sex with a guy, at this point, you don't have to. You should only have sex with people that you want.

Anyway, I am here if you need anything.


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Re: Sexuality problems - February 1st 2018, 08:05 PM

Thank for the support I truly appreciate it


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